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Goodbye, Goodbye

tekkeN

tekkeN

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
3,929
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Well I'm off to rehab in on thursday

Some of you might have noticed my absence recently and its because I have been doing a lot of B and basically being a bit of a tit shoplifting an overdosing and all sorts of silly things.. My parents who live in Portugal knew I had relapsed since coming back so they were worried sick and then a good, brave friend <3 called up my parents and said they had seen me with a long term user out my box so they said final straw, you either go to a sober house or I'm effectively out of the family left to have fun until I'm dead

I know I need to get out of Leeds but the thought of it all is quite overwhelming

However really I am incredibly lucky to have this chance to live sober, have been trying to get help in Leeds for months and its been more or less useless so I am most fortunate to have parents willing to spend money on me getting better, well having parents with money as well this thing is costing them over 6k..! Not only that but having people who care is fortunate as many addicts I know never had anyone to give a shit about them so, yeah, I am very very lucky

The thing is there is no internet at this place, apparently! It shared housing you live with 4 other people and do counselling all day.. mums friend recommended it as she was an alcoholic but has not drank since she left and has made me feel less scared about it.. But I shall not be able to check Bluelight, which is a bit of a bitch as its what I do when I'm not on drugs! but hey, I'm only young, this could well be my chance to start developing in 12 weeks I may have a life outside of 'fucked' as I have been high on something or other since I was 13, do need some abstinence, and R.Crumb recommends sobriety and we can all learn from him.. so yeah, bye for now you lovely lot! :)
 
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tekkeN said:
Well I'm off to rehab in Warrington on thursday

Some of you might have noticed my absence recently and its because I have been doing a lot of gear and basically being a bit of a tit grafting and overdosing and all sorts of silly things.. My parents who live in Portugal knew I had relapsed since coming back so they were worried sick and then a good, brave friend <3 called up my parents and said they had seen me with a long term user out my box so they said final straw, you either go to a clinic or I'm effectively out of the family left to have fun with smack until I'm dead

Its really got me down for a few reasons, its a 12 week program so that's my summer gone, no Glade, no Rephlex party, no Boomtown no Dour festival in Belgium, and also because I have to go so soon (my mum is in the UK here with me now and is going back to Portugal on Friday so wanted to get me safe before she returns) so I am not getting long to say bye to my friends in Leeds and getting no chance to say bye to my friends in Manchester.. I know I need to get out of Leeds but the thought of it all is quite overwhelming

However really I am incredibly lucky to have this chance to live sober, have been trying to get help in Leeds for months and its been more or less useless so I am most fortunate to have parents willing to spend money on me getting better, well having parents with money as well this thing is costing them over 6k..! Not only that but having people who care is fortunate as many addicts I know never had anyone to give a shit about them so, yeah, I am very very lucky

The thing is there is no internet at this place, apparently! Its kind of like halls you live with 4 other people and do counselling all day.. Its called 'trust the process' and my mums friend recommended it as she was a very severe alcoholic but has not drank since she left and does look good.. But I shall not be able to check Bluelight, which is a bit of a bitch as its what I do when I'm not on drugs! but hey, I'm only young, this could well be my chance to start developing in 12 weeks I may have a life outside of 'fucked' as I have been high on something or other since I was 13, think I do need some abstinence, and R.Crumb recommends sobriety.. so yeah, bye for now you lovely lot! :)
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Good luck to you mate. You are very lucky indeed. The process sounds tough but I'm sure you'll get through it fine.

Glad to hear you came out of a bad patch alive :)
 
It's probably best you avoid Bluelight anyway, you don't want thoughts coming into your head - likewise with the swift exit from your friends.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the end result worth the effort and life-changing. Stop by when you return to let everyone know how things have gone.
Although your finding it negative you wont get to go to all these things over summer, see it as motivational too: Why would you want to relapse afterwards when you wasted all that time and missed something you wanted to do in order to prevent yourself doing so - sorry if that's worded poorly, but I hope you understand what I'm saying.
Good luck! :)
 
Good luck Tekken! <3

You've got a really good friend there, not many people would care enough about their mate and have the balls to do what they did..

I'm missing Glade too, but some things are worth a lot more than shit like that and if you can get on top of this now you have the rest of your life to enjoy :D
 
I was in such a place last year for about 3 weeks, no shoe laces checking on you every hour all the doors on mag locks etc.

It really wasnt that bad once you gto settled in in fcat singing redemtion song with one of the nurses on guitar and a few of us on precusin is a great memory !!

All the best you'll be out and clean in no time and all set for Xmas<3
 
Best of luck to you my friend, I'm sure we'll see a new you in a few months. Don't be down about it, partying is much less important than health. Party's are forever, your health isn't.

& please be very, VERY careful if you indulge in ANYTHING upon your return. Tolerance drops fast & big doses of anything can be surprisingly powerful & even dangerous.

It'll do you the world of good to remove yourself from the temptations & you'll emerge with a fresh new outlook on "things". I only hope you don't become one of these God-fearing, holier-than-thou proselytizing reformed users ;) Lol

Seriously, best wishes & good luck. It'll be fine mate :)
 
Good luck mate, I've thought about it before, I hope it all goes well for you, I'll be thinking of you
 
hey man ive been to a rahab and i actually enjoyed it meeting so many people with the same kind of issues i had, i made alot of friends when i was there and learned a hell of alot about my self

which kind of project is it if you dont mind me asking ?
 
good luck mate, you're a sound as fuck lad with a good head on your shoulders and would be awful to let it go to waste. you can always get in touch with me if you fancy a natter :).
 
Watch 'Berlin calling' before you go in, it has a few tips on how to get through it.

GL.
 
Best of luck teck.
Your very lucky to have family & friends that care, Rehab does work if you want it to. Take this opportunity now, while you Can. You'll regret it otherwise.
Good luck son. !
 
much love everyone :)

I'm feeling really good about it to be honest.. my life has been one long drug thing forever and when I can't have drugs I drink way too much, but still, can't imagine the rest of my life will be drug free, their too much fun! really can't trust myself with downers and would love to just use drugs occasionally not all the time and I'm lucky to be alive at the moment so this is is an amazing opportunity

my head is still very fucked from drugs, mainly benzo binges I think but all the acid ket n pills can't of helped, have either been a mopey down lazy fucker recently(?) or messed up on drugs, often alone, not my usual happy self..

shit! have started the sessions already! better think about something else, plenty of time to spill my guts

its a 12 step program type thing smackcraft, got a good track record and apparently theres no God stuff whatsoever its filled with people of all beliefs or non beliefs, oh and they give you a buddy, like in that episode of south park, someone to make sure your not smoking crack or whatever.. I'll be living near the daycenter and for 4 weeks no visitors, then 8 weeks I'm occasionally allowed out a bit then 12 weeks I'm out and will hopefully not be an addict, but theres no way they will stop me from trying somethings again..?

have a good evening y'all :)
 
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tekkeN said:
but theres no way they will stop me from trying somethings again, some drugs bring beautiful experiences
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they will definitly try make you think the way of not doing anything again and if they do get you thinking that way embrace it because that is your number one key in not relapsing because when i went in with the mind of nah im still going to do hash and drink and they were like it wont stay with that i thought yeah watever ... but hell they are so right cos when u drink you end up rat arsed with the "fuck it" attitude and thats where you will fall on your arse again .. with the weed you will enjoy it for a while but it will just remind you of the wasted feeling and you will just think of the better wasted feeling you could be having from gear instead and because you are thinking about it your brain will try trick you with thoughts of oh it will be ok to do it again just one more time , you wont get hooked again ... yeah right who you kidding lol

but they will teach all about that when you are there but you should really go in with an open mind to what they are telling you rather than , im only going to do half of what they are telling me to do or you are honestly wasting your time going .. for it to work you need the attitude that you will do what ever it takes to stay clean what ever that may be
 
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