Johnnywadd
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2021
- Messages
- 7
Hello, I am 29 years young, I have always loved to party and never could say no to a good time. Always over confident, got a college degree, a great job, and make a ton of money. I always fucked around with opiates since high school. It seemed like my school used pills more than alcohol. It definitely was my social lubricant. I always was “in control” or whatever I justified my bull shit but about 3 months ago I started using pure carfentanil and that shit was a whole other level of beast. I seen people who shot up grams of heroin be able to smoke a couple hits a be higher. Well my 20 dollar a day habit turned into 100 dollars a day real quick and I noticed that I either was going to detox at home or detox in jail. I chose to detox at home. I got myself in a Suboxoneprogram but could never make it the 24 hours to actually be able to take the sub. And yes, if you take sub too soon it will fucking send you in the worst withdrawals you will ever go into. Like pissing, shitting, puking on yourself. Next level shit. I kept going back to the program a failed man. I told them not to give up on me because I knew I was no longer in control. I hated the fact I was a slave to something, because I am a fucking BOSS and bosses dont suck dick to nothing. Because I couldn’t get with the program they sent CPS to my house and they took my kids away. Luckily my parents are amazing and the kids are over there and not with some random fuckers. Now it was on, no one takes my kids away. So it was time. I fought the hardest battle to make it 36 hours with nothing, and I was ready to take sub. Reality hit when 32 mgs didn’t do shit and I was very sad that I wouldn’t have a cheat code to get through this. So it began, the ultimate battle to get my kids back. Day and night for 4 days, cravings, sweats, goosebumps, depression. I guess it wasn’t as bad as it could have been because of the sub, but holy shit, I’ve done heroin for years and was able to come off no problem, and fentanyl is next level. It’s now 3 weeks later and I am taking a quarter of a sub a day and I got my body back. Still not sleeping through the night and I have the weirdest dreams where I wake up in a pool of sweat but I’m not taking the 3 subs they wanted me to take cuz like I said I ain’t sucking no dick. I wouldn’t even need a quarter sub but I take it to let my brain know that nolaxone is there and opiateswon’t work, just a safety measure, and a quarter will be easy to come off of. I’m on track to get my kids back in one month. Also side note, this was all possible because I’m irreplaceable at work and they gave me a month to recover, my entire family is amazing and are all involved, and I have the strongest fucking mind on the planet. So only time will tell but the highs were not worth the lows and I got lucky as fuuuuck. I’m just happy to have my body back and by the end of my habit I wasn’t even getting high, just getting to a functional level. I’m very happy not to be dependent on anything and I’m stoked on the loads of money I have. So cheers to recovery and fuck being a slave. I say all of this because 1, it helps to write things down, 2, during detox it feels like there is no hope and minutes are lasting days but YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, just keep breathing, and 3, it’s never too late to change. If you really want it, you can control your brain. Like I said I am only in week 3 but now it is all up to me. The cravings are mental and I have the choice. I am choosing to sacrifice opiates to have my kids and I know it will be worth it. I’m trading 1 fun thing for a hundred of fun things, which sounds like a win to me. Good luck to all those choosing to get clean, it is not easy, and I hope you have the support you need. God knows I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my support. Cheers to you all, you all are loved and life is worth it