Recovery Goodbye Fentanyl, Goodbye Opiates

[Johnnywadd]

Hello, I am 29 years young, I have always loved to party and never could say no to a good time. Always over confident, got a college degree, a great job, and make a ton of money. I always fucked around with opiates since high school. It seemed like my school used pills more than alcohol. It definitely was my social lubricant. I always was “in control” or whatever I justified my bull shit but about 3 months ago I started using pure carfentanil and that shit was a whole other level of beast. I seen people who shot up grams of heroin be able to smoke a couple hits a be higher. Well my 20 dollar a day habit turned into 100 dollars a day real quick and I noticed that I either was going to detox at home or detox in jail. I chose to detox at home. I got myself in a Suboxoneprogram but could never make it the 24 hours to actually be able to take the sub. And yes, if you take sub too soon it will fucking send you in the worst withdrawals you will ever go into. Like pissing, shitting, puking on yourself. Next level shit. I kept going back to the program a failed man. I told them not to give up on me because I knew I was no longer in control. I hated the fact I was a slave to something, because I am a fucking BOSS and bosses dont suck dick to nothing. Because I couldn’t get with the program they sent CPS to my house and they took my kids away. Luckily my parents are amazing and the kids are over there and not with some random fuckers. Now it was on, no one takes my kids away. So it was time. I fought the hardest battle to make it 36 hours with nothing, and I was ready to take sub. Reality hit when 32 mgs didn’t do shit and I was very sad that I wouldn’t have a cheat code to get through this. So it began, the ultimate battle to get my kids back. Day and night for 4 days, cravings, sweats, goosebumps, depression. I guess it wasn’t as bad as it could have been because of the sub, but holy shit, I’ve done heroin for years and was able to come off no problem, and fentanyl is next level. It’s now 3 weeks later and I am taking a quarter of a sub a day and I got my body back. Still not sleeping through the night and I have the weirdest dreams where I wake up in a pool of sweat but I’m not taking the 3 subs they wanted me to take cuz like I said I ain’t sucking no dick. I wouldn’t even need a quarter sub but I take it to let my brain know that nolaxone is there and opiateswon’t work, just a safety measure, and a quarter will be easy to come off of. I’m on track to get my kids back in one month. Also side note, this was all possible because I’m irreplaceable at work and they gave me a month to recover, my entire family is amazing and are all involved, and I have the strongest fucking mind on the planet. So only time will tell but the highs were not worth the lows and I got lucky as fuuuuck. I’m just happy to have my body back and by the end of my habit I wasn’t even getting high, just getting to a functional level. I’m very happy not to be dependent on anything and I’m stoked on the loads of money I have. So cheers to recovery and fuck being a slave. I say all of this because 1, it helps to write things down, 2, during detox it feels like there is no hope and minutes are lasting days but YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, just keep breathing, and 3, it’s never too late to change. If you really want it, you can control your brain. Like I said I am only in week 3 but now it is all up to me. The cravings are mental and I have the choice. I am choosing to sacrifice opiates to have my kids and I know it will be worth it. I’m trading 1 fun thing for a hundred of fun things, which sounds like a win to me. Good luck to all those choosing to get clean, it is not easy, and I hope you have the support you need. God knows I wouldn’t have been able to do it without my support. Cheers to you all, you all are loved and life is worth it

 

[TheOriginalChair]

Hey im here with ya man! fentanyl took me by surprise, hell it took a lot of us by it, took a few friends of mine away... thought the subs woudlve helped but with fent not even the narcan can fight it sometime.... BUT KEEP THE BATTLE GOING! We gon win this war against this fent bullshit

 

[Johnnywadd]

Great introduction you wrote here, and the warmest welcome to Bluelight! We have a really supportive and knowledgeable community here on BL that I hope will give you added support during this fragile time in early recovery. I would also recommend that you join up over on drugs-forum. They have the best recovery journals on the internet imo and also have a fantastic recovery and addiction community. The journals there are separate from the regular harm reduction and substance information forums like we have here, and those journals are some of the most viewed and commented on that site. There is a lot of crossover between BL and DF I find and god knows we can’t have enough harm reduction addiction/recovery sites imo.

As for the quote of your I mentioned, It’s not the naloxone that blocks opioids from working, but the buprenorphine it’s self. They just put naloxone in suboxone as a marketing ploy and it is basically useless because the buprenorphine is so much more powerful than naloxone and has a much higher affinity to opioid receptors as an antagonist which makes the naloxone they put in it useless.

Again welcome again @Johnnywadd!

You know, I was wondering about that. 4 years ago I got off of shooting H and was clean for 2 years before this relapse. Now I know opiates are just bad news for me but I relapsed thinking because I wasn’t shooting, I regained my composure and could handle it, I was wrong. I’m getting off track, that time 4 years ago I got into a Suboxone program and was so addicted to shooting that I would shoot the sub. And you know, it worked, not like everything I read on the internet about Naloxone making subs not work if you did things like shot it. Anyways getting clean from shooting was my biggest accomplishment, and I did that while doing my undergrad, and I eventually got my bachelors from U of M. Life was good until I moved back to my hometown to start my career where I had a lot of connections and could get a head start. We’ll double edge sword because I had professional connections and very bad connections as well.

 

[Johnnywadd]

How long have you been on the subs this time?

Only my 3rd week. When I was on subs 2016-2017, I was on them for a year. But I was shooting them for like 10 months and when I started taken them how I was supposed too I was able to ween off in 2 months. This time, taking them normally to start and in 3 weeks got it to 2mgs a day. I’m going to stay on 2mgs for a little to replace recent memories with ones with better habits.

 

[negrogesic]

Interesting and good luck. Don't be too cocky though. The key for me was weightlifting in terms of managing the post acute withdrawal.

Whats with the drugs forum hyperlinks though

 

[Johnnywadd]

Interesting and good luck. Don't be too cocky though. The key for me was weightlifting in terms of managing the post acute withdrawal.

Whats with the drugs forum hyperlinks though

I copied my post from drugs-forums, lol. Getting off of fentanyl was such a biiiitch that these forums has become part of my reward system. Just people seeing the story and cheering me on. Sounds lame but I’m pulling every trick in the book for accountability and if someone can maybe get hope from my post then it’s also another reason not to fail, or else they might fail too. Also cocky got me into this mess, maybe cocky can get me out.