Gone swimming

[Ravr]

On a starry night, I wrote to my loved ones, "Gone swimming"

I reached the shores and took out my birthday suit.

I looked at the starry filled sky.

I looked at my soaked feet:

As above, so below, I reminded myself


And so, I began my journey

To cleanse myself

And to relief myself of all earth bound duties


And on that faithful night,

I did not swim against the current

And on a starry night,

I was drawn to the stars and drowned with my birthday suit

 

[cLOUDDEAD]

i read this not long after you posted it, and coming back to it again today i noticed a change, and that you've edited it. i really like this piece, but could i see what it was originally? i remember the end had me with a very heavy feeling, though it is your piece, you ultimately decide what it is and what it isn't, but i think i might have liked it better beforehand!

 

[lostNfound]

faithful or fateful?

Nonetheless, rather fatalistic.

I know this head space well enough anyway, don't stay too long.

 

[Ravr]

i read this not long after you posted it, and coming back to it again today i noticed a change, and that you've edited it. i really like this piece, but could i see what it was originally? i remember the end had me with a very heavy feeling, though it is your piece, you ultimately decide what it is and what it isn't, but i think i might have liked it better beforehand!

It was a work in progress... didn't keep the original... but thanks...

 

[thujone]

i read this not long after you posted it, and coming back to it again today i noticed a change, and that you've edited it. i really like this piece, but could i see what it was originally? i remember the end had me with a very heavy feeling, though it is your piece, you ultimately decide what it is and what it isn't, but i think i might have liked it better beforehand!

"...went for a swim
never to be heard again."

were the last words of the original, and i thought "this poem has many grammatical errors" and i was going to rage in fine grammar-nazi fashion but then decided i had too much to drink and passed out instead.

i think i also liked the original better myself. i'm quite familiar with editing something to oblivion myself. imho doing so, i've realized it's best to think very carefully before changing more than two neighbouring words at a time.

reading this poem, i can't help but to imagine lake ontario... and shudder

 

[Ravr]

"...went for a swim
never to be heard again."

were the last words of the original, and i thought "this poem has many grammatical errors" and i was going to rage in fine grammar-nazi fashion but then decided i had too much to drink and passed out instead.

The whole poem took about a minute to write it down.... just wanted to write down what I was feeling and spelling errors was the last thing on my mind. I went back to just add a few words