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Going to clubs with friends, they think it's weird I don't hook up with girls

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
692
Location
Heaven
Let me start by saying that I am 22 years old, male. Every weekend for almost the past 2 months, I have been going out to clubs with some new friends. Whenever we go out, they make it their number one mission to prowl and look for single girls to get numbers from/dance with/ hook up with.

That is not my objective when I go out with them. When I go to clubs, I order drinks, dance in groups with random people, walk around, and drink more, talk with other friends, and I have a blast. I don't like meeting girls this way, and I have no desire to. My friends have started to notice this, and I tried explaining to them, but they don't understand. One even told me "you need more confidence", which is not true. I am extremely confident in myself, and am in no way insecure. The just don't understand that I don't go to the club to find girls.

The thing is, most of the girls they dance with are ugly... like pretty bad. I guess I have really high standards, but that doesn't matter in this situation. I just feel that dancing with ugly chicks, getting ugly chicks numbers, and occasionally hooking up with ugly chicks is so undignified. I feel that it's more exciting when you actually try to get with a girl in normal every day life. Like I said, I have high standards, so there are very few that I would consider, even drunk.

I don't know how to convince them that I'm just different, lol.
 
You sound pretty normal to me. Why people think clubs are good places to meet women is beyond me. You do not sound timid or lacking in confidence. On the contrary, it sounds like you know what you want. Then again, it depends where you live. I honestly haven't had a single good experience with a female partner at a nightclub here, in los angeles. Decent experiences? sure. But something to actually be happy about or go tell my friend about? None.
 
Is it really that important that you convince them though? You might never understand why they go to clubs with the sole intention to hook-up, and they might never understand why you don't. Just tell them you don't like meeting women that way and there you go. It's not as if they can force you :)
 
Lol that's funny. This seems to happen a lot in men's circles. I've seen that happen with male friends quite a few times.
 
don't bother trying to convince them shit. Just be

It can be great to do both sometimes - I like to go out on the prowl, but as soon as I get to the club, just dance. It always works in my favour. The only kinda people they will pick up are skanks. Not that there's anything wrong with that - it all depends on what you want out of meeting gals in clubs.
 
If I go out to a club or whatever, I just like to have a good time and socialize.....I will talk to girls, but I'm not actively trying to hook-up with them....

Going out with the intention of "picking up chicks" has always seemed kind of stupid to me! Just act natural, be yourself and do whatever you're comfortable with....Any girl worth the time would probably be turned off by a guy that just walks around trying to hit on every female in the place!....You'd just end up looking like a "douche-bag", in fact that whole routine is pretty definitive of what the term "douche-bag" actually means IMO!

I honestly don't really treat anyone differently from the next person based on outward appearances.....I'll strike up a conversation with an un-attractive girl just as soon as I'll talk to one who is very attractive....Men who only see women as an oppurtunity for sex really miss out on a lot....Paradoxically, you'll probably get laid more being yourself than you will putting on some phony persona trying to get laid! Or at the least, you'll attract a better quality of person to you....
 
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Who cares really if you don't hook up with any girls in the club? It's actually much better coz you never know who might be the ho and who has a big fat disease!!! :)
 
I never go out looking for numbers or girls, never really have. Not specifically anyway.

I go out to circle-jerk with people. IDGAF who it is, pretty girls, ugly girls, guys, trannies, whatever. I just want to talk to people, have some lulz, grab a drink, get high, that kind of thing. If there happens to be a pretty girl who is smart and dope, and we click, AWESOME!. If not...I had a great time and don't care that I did not hook up.

I'd also generally rather meet girls at university or something... I feel I have a better chance of finding a smart girl in the engineering building (which has a bar inside it) or in the medical science building at the Starbucks in it than I would at a club where everyone is twerking.
 
I doubt you'll ever convince them. It sounds like they have a bit less confidence than you. You don't need to hook up with a girl to have a good night. That's a good thing ... important. If you found a girl that you actually liked or wanted to spend time with or even just dance with, I'm sure you'd be able to approach her and chat with her. But you don't have to approach tons of girls every night.

Just keep having fun doing what you're doing. Maybe find different people to go clubbing with?
 
^I never really get embarassed of who my friends are in public....If somebody was dressed in completely mismatched, ratty clothes, I wouldn't really care....

If somebody was walking around a bar where I was hanging out, acting like an obnoxious asshole and saying dumb shit to every girl in the place, that would piss me off! I hate looking like an obnoxious asshole by association! Maybe you should find some friends who are a little more low-key....
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
Let me start by saying that I am 22 years old, male...

That is not my objective when I go out with them. When I go to clubs, I order drinks, dance in groups with random people, walk around, and drink more, talk with other friends, and I have a blast. I don't like meeting girls this way, and I have no desire to. My friends have started to notice this, and I tried explaining to them, but they don't understand. One even told me "you need more confidence", which is not true. I am extremely confident in myself, and am in no way insecure. The just don't understand that I don't go to the club to find girls.

The thing is, most of the girls they dance with are ugly... like pretty bad. I guess I have really high standards, but that doesn't matter in this situation. I just feel that dancing with ugly chicks, getting ugly chicks numbers, and occasionally hooking up with ugly chicks is so undignified. I feel that it's more exciting when you actually try to get with a girl in normal every day life. Like I said, I have high standards, so there are very few that I would consider, even drunk.

I don't know how to convince them that I'm just different, lol.
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You dont have to convince them that youre different. Just keep being yourself. You may be a bit different than this immediate group youre in here, but youre certainly not uncommon.

A-Famous-Historian.jpg


I have this theory that the majority of men who would fit the profile of the friends you describe are more concerned with appeasing each other, than they actually are concerned with women. The behavior only gets more intense as more men with the same common characteristics join the group. There this sort of unconscious, primal urge to ascend to the top of the monkey tribe, and each monkey is proving his right to the upper tiers of acceptance through every aspect of his behavior. All of the energy put into women, be it their own grooming, their "confidence" as they call it, the cologne baths, even the sex itself, is really just to validate their acceptance to the group.

You yourself are probably getting to an age where youre starting to realize most of the more homogenized aspects of youth culture are as fulfilling as cardboard, and the shit most people are doing just isnt turning you on. Honestly your attitude would be a huge refreshment to more women than you could probably guess right now, but in 5 or 6 years youll realize a lot of men your age are still sort of 22 (or younger) in their heads and their approaches to women are borderline hilarious (if it wasnt so unfortunate for her to deal with this so often :-/).

If you keep with the attitude you have youll probably end up having mindblowing sex with someone youre really attracted to that you have all kinds of fun and quirky things in common with but are different enough to still totally mystify each other. You probably wont feel the need to brag about it and high five your bros either.

I honestly picture the incessant behavior of the average 20 something male at anything resembling "the watering hole" as a rather stressful event, though somehow theyre unaware of the stress. Ive been to clubs in my city (not often thank heaven) where lines of 8-9 dudes stand outside the women's bathroom and flex with their shirts off (though a lot of people on mdma makes for a lot of people with their shirts off). Its awkward as fuck, cant see it any other way. Yet, if I don my anthropologist hat again, it makes total sense, though I think women are a few million years past that phase. The energy is aggressive as fuck. If I diddnt have enough self defense experience to make the idea of physical conflict a rather laughable disparity in my favor, Id probably not even be able to enjoy any sort of buzz in a place like this. Men honestly believe that enough random dry humping of women will eventually lead to one of them allowing him to dry hump his way back home with her, though, odds are that will eventually work in their favor. Sadly nightclubs, and all the other malarkey we're marketed' like sports teams, college, and fluoride, are as empty as the calories in the $9 gin thats poured into the bottle with the beefeater label. Given that nearly everyone else is convinced theyre having a great time, when in reality theyre stressing till they stink to make sure theyre following all the expected social behaviors of their peers, receiving some sexual approval, and keeping a keen eye out for that moment in the evening that makes for the perfect facebook status, youre one of the rare few genuinely having a great time. Youre getting what you paid for. I wouldnt worry a thing about the shit youre friends are doing, and if they feel insecure (WOW WHAT ELSE IS NEW) about the fact that you dont instinctively reduce yourself to the intellect of a baboon, just smile, shrug, and say you guys should find a hotter club :-/ .
 
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The energy is aggressive as fuck. If I diddnt have enough self defense experience to make the idea of physical conflict a rather laughable disparity in my favor, Id probably not even be able to enjoy any sort of buzz in a place like this.
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Yeah, I feel that. The atmosphere in clubs can be in some ways more hostile to men than to women (In the sense that the guys seem more overtly combative towards other guys), although it's quite hostile to both. I find it very off putting and similar to you, if not for my competence in and familiarity with conflict I'd likely be extremely stressed and anxious. I just find it off putting on an intellectual level, cause I'm not exactly scared of some drunk brohan in the physical sense.

But as for why this attitude prevails at clubs, I have no fucking idea, and I think it's partly due to their lack of having actually participated in the heavier end of the spectrum of fighting. I think if they had, they'd, like myself, NOT WANT to visit it again, particularly not at a club where you suppose to having fun and getting into it for no reason.

It must really hurt their game too. I've never had much luck picking up girls by acting like an overly aggressive rampaging borderline retard.
 
BlueHues said:
^I never really get embarassed of who my friends are in public....If somebody was dressed in completely mismatched, ratty clothes, I wouldn't really care....

If somebody was walking around a bar where I was hanging out, acting like an obnoxious asshole and saying dumb shit to every girl in the place, that would piss me off! I hate looking like an obnoxious asshole by association! Maybe you should find some friends who are a little more low-key....
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Not sure how the embarrassment part fits in?

Yeah, finding different people to go clubbing with would be a logical solution.
 
^I just mean by that....the only thing that really embarasses me is when people make me look like an asshole by behaving obnoxiously.... It makes other people assume that I'm the same way!

Like, if you're having a conversation with someone you just met, and THEN, you're friend comes over, opens their mouth and it immediately lowers the person you're talking to's opinion of you...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that; A lot of people who are superficial tend to hang out with people who have the same superficial standards...Drive the same kind of cars, dress in the same clothes that adhere to a style, things like that. and, they'd be embarassed to be seen with someone who wasn't super into their outward appearance as well....

I don't really care about shit like that, but I hate it when somebody I go out with atarts behaving in a way that doesn't closely match the way I conduct myself in public!

A classic douche-bag will always have the nice new clothes, cut their hair weekly and drive a vehicle they can't really afford, but personality-wise, they're assholes! Any girl who would be impressed enough with non-sense like that, where she'd actually date one of these guys.....gets exactly what she deserves!
 
Ahhh gotcha. I suppose I've never really been in a situation like that. I almost always go out with my boyfriend and often some of our friends as well. Although we are far from the same, it's not like they'd embarrass me, lol.
I do get annoyed at a lot of people at clubs though. But we aren't friends. They are just annoying. lol
 
I've gone to clubs my entire adult life and I've never hooked up once. It's just not something I do. Aside from being unsafe, strangers don't really know what I'm into in bed so I'd imagine it to not be very satisfying. I've had sex on first dates, but at least we had the get to know you part of things. I don't see the point of hooking up with someone who is little more than eye candy.

There are a lot of men and women who aren't into hooking up. There's nothing wrong with it. If your friends think that's weird then your friends are ignorant and immature. What business is it of theirs who you are intimately involved with? If they want to hookup so badly then they should do it, and they need to stop projecting on you.
 
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