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TDS Going to be Hurtin for the 1st time -Coming off Heroin

hazard6 said:
those are the first symptoms for me to, then the pain and restlessness sets in and you lose your appetite and cant sleep. im about 10 days and i only got 3 hours of sleep last night and have eaten like a couple thousands calories for past 3 days lol(this is mostly from 1 litre of dark brown pod tea a day which is pretty much time release heroin so yours wont last nearly as long as mine). eyes and nose start to fuckin pour as well. its also easy to say all that stuff when your high as a kite lol.

gl you got the right attitude just keep at it. and it is possible to use opiates again at least 3 months down the road but only hydro or like a line of oxy at a party or something, just never heroin again.
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id be careful telling people that man. some people cant do opiates ever again once they get clean, thats me. Ill be back on heroin within weeks if i try that route
 
Schottyiv- Thanks for the advice! I totally understand what you mean dude! I know that my withdrawal IS VERY MILD. I have two good friends that are both heavy IV H addicts. I would say that they are both in or near a similar ballpark to you as far as the amounts being used (both use 2+ grams daily through IV ROA). When I hit the 24 hour mark I just have the cold symptoms such as runny nose, watery eyes, a run down feeling, just feeling really weak etc. However as I'm sure you can relate to my buddies when they hit the 24 hour mark, they get VIOLENTLY SICK. They are dry heaving/puking, have SEVERE pain, pouring sweat, chills that ripple through their bones, muscles,bones, and skin are on fire, mentally going insane, along with my "mild cold symptoms." I never want to experience a withdrawal with such a fierce intensity that is relentless to say the least. I know if I keep using daily/multiple times a day, eventually I will be right there going through that hell that you have been through. Thanks again dude, I appreciate that different angle you gave me on this whole thing. I never looked at it through that type of perspective until now and it scares me to even think about going through that type of withdrawal!
 
yeah man i definitely dont mean to be an asshole but just helping you see the full picture. Yeah its hell the week i kicked in jail was literlly the worst week of my life, i wouldnt wish cold turkey full blown withdrawals on my worst enemy. My suggestion for you is just get a couple comfort meds. I live with a couple guys that were clean for a while and just got back on the dope n have been using for a couple months daily and ive been helping detox, and most people dont stay clean there first attempt so dont get down on yourself either. But if you can get your hands on 5 or so mg of xanax, maybe a couple sleeping aids (ambien, trazadone, serequel) or ideally suboxone, or some weed if your into that. You could have a virtually painless detox. Though for me i needed to feel the pain, i didnt want to but after it was all said and done i realized it was necessary.
 
Bro I hate to be the bearer of bad new bro but you are screwed. I remember posting these posts about 10 years ago. That was before the over 365 days I've spent in rehabs. And before I picked up my felony for embezzlement. This is everything you have to look forward bud. I know the truth hurts but I wish someone would have been blunt with me an not tried to positive talk me into sobriety. What the heck were we thinking when we decided to try and use heroin, as if we hadn't heard a million stories about it. We thought "it'll never happen to me, well IT HAS!! Good luck buddy, it's time to fight for your life
 
I agree with Sececa your in the fight of your life and you haven't even realized it yet.. but if you do its not all bad.. if rehabs were the answer then their success or better yet fail rate wouldn't be so god awful poor... and yeah I almost look at it as the biggest joke in "medicine" or therapy.. still so based on mysticism and magic.. but hey if I can do it so can you and we can help. So this isn't hopeless but as others have said your days of using opiates occasionally are done.. I just never see the point in trying to hammer this home to someone who is just coming into an addiction. But sure as the world turns your in it.. and this will likely be the fight of your life.. what kind of fight depends on you.. it can be the fight at some delusion that you can ever use opiates again or it can be the fight to make it out of this with your life or anything that resembles the extremely good shape you are in right now. You still have the ability to do whatever you want in life.. catch a felony and this will become very hard.. not impossible, but way harder than right now.. fuck the drug war but we are stuck with it right now and as a whole segment of the population are making their bread of pretending it working it a long hard up road battle to win that one.. but I have gotten a little off track.. So I guess what I'm trying to reiterate is what allot of good posts have already stated.. your in probably the best position to jump.. seems like little physical withdrawal symptoms, no legal hassles, haven't lost your life, family is still there for you.. so basically you are at the end of anything good that has or ever will come out of this game. So you can pay for rehabs and all that jazz.. or you can start right now to work your way outa this whole.. it really does get bad and so many people dont make it out.. not trying to be melodramatic here im just throwing it right as it is. The worst part of never making it out isn't the death in the end its the living before.. so many good people take their own life as they run out of fight , and this is as sad as I can think.. why not make your recovery the number one thing on your list.. this shit is strong and it never gets better until we stop.. but it always gets worse. I was a poly drug addict for years... I was an IV speed ball addict for decades.. I like you never imagined I would shoot drugs.. its just the way it goes.. the bottom of any whole is when we choose to stop digging and start to climb out.. I truely am happier now than I have ever been. As the others have said "time to fight for your life" I wish to the stars they were being dramatic.. but they aren't.. and if they have been a little harsh it was out of love.

You need to realize that there isn't going to come a time where you can just say i'm all done and stop.. you are going to come up with and implement a battle plan.

You can do this.. shit sir your only down two goals going into the second period right now.. you can do this.

rehabs always talk about addicts having "black and white or all and nothing thinking" and this is one of the big problems we face... but in the most important battle of all it may be our biggest weapon ... because IMO we have only two choices at this point.. learn and live what an amazing life is or die trying. To us all heaven or hell, do or dont do cause there is no try in this game.

Time to get motivated and fired up.. otherwise your going to get buried<3
 
Hey guys sorry I fell asleep early last night, I had to get up at 5am for work, usually I wake up at 6, but I had to get up at 5 to shovel my way out of the driveway, since I live in MA and we got hit with a huge snowstorm. I'm typing this on my cell phone so I'm keeping it brief till I get home, where I will get back to everyone more in depth... Basically I'm SCARED SHITLESS now, l'm starting to realize the magnitude of this situation and how it could have lifelong effects... I'm feeling pretty down right now, not because of not doing H but because of the situation I'm in and how I "fucked this up, and now using out of recreation may never be an option again" I wish I had more respect/control over the drug but its becoming clear that i don't right now... And neversickanymore- your right, I have NO RECORD at all, a college degree, a family that Ioves me and that would be devestated if they knew I was using H... I'm just sad about closing this door as fucked up as it sounds, some of my happiest memories/ feelings in my life were this summer of 2013 where I was high on H, I dont think i will ever forget this summer... Sry to rant I'm just feeling low, confused on how this happened to me, and just sad all around. 17 hours in, feeling relatively fine, I'll update later when I get home from work.
 
hockey4life said:
Hey guys sorry I fell asleep early last night, I had to get up at 5am for work, usually I wake up at 6, but I had to get up at 5 to shovel my way out of the driveway, since I live in MA and we got hit with a huge snowstorm. I'm typing this on my cell phone so I'm keeping it brief till I get home, where I will get back to everyone more in depth... Basically I'm SCARED SHITLESS now, l'm starting to realize the magnitude of this situation and how it could have lifelong effects... I'm feeling pretty down right now, not because of not doing H but because of the situation I'm in and how I "fucked this up, and now using out of recreation may never be an option again" I wish I had more respect/control over the drug but its becoming clear that i don't right now... And neversickanymore- your right, I have NO RECORD at all, a college degree, a family that Ioves me and that would be devestated if they knew I was using H... I'm just sad about closing this door as fucked up as it sounds, some of my happiest memories/ feelings in my life were this summer of 2013 where I was high on H, I dont think i will ever forget this summer... Sry to rant I'm just feeling low, confused on how this happened to me, and just sad all around. 17 hours in, feeling relatively fine, I'll update later when I get home from work.
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Those feelings are normal, unfortunately.

I had a 2 year IV opiate habit (hydromorphone) and was clean march-November until I relapsed again in November. I'm still feeling the depression from relapsing and also the depression from quitting again. I've been clean of opiates since my November relapse, but emotionally I've been a wreck.

When I quit opiates the first time I quit cold turkey. God was that hell. I guess all I can really say is it DOES get better.. Everyone says that, but there's a reason- it's true. You're going to be in hell for about a week physically and of course emotionally with cravings and such, but after that you'll start to feel better. Your cravings will always be there- at least that's true for me anyway. You just have to prove you're stronger than these chemicals, and I know you are <3
 
Thanks ad-lib for the support! Congrats on picking yourself back up after your relapse :)! 8 months is amazing! And ya I expect these feelings to be here... yet since I have such a tiny habit, I'm hopping I won't even have PAWS, iv'e heard that it takes a solid year of daily use before PAWS really comes into play... I'm hopin I bounce back quick, like I said earlier, I know this kick is mild compared to everyone else posting here! I'm 18 hours in, and barely have any signs of physical withdrawal...it's a joke! I should be able to stop this so easily, yet for me right now it's way more of a mental battle... The biggest battle that I'm facing is that I honesty have a strong desire to try and chip this drug and live a happy life at the same time! I know it's everyone's dream though and it's almost some fuckin fairy tale lol... Idk, I have to focus on the negatives ( getting in legal trouble with the drug, financial problems, neglecting other areas of my life etc) I'm just focusing on today right now! Thanks again, means a lot having people that care and don't want me to follow in their footsteps!!!
 
hockey4life said:
Hey guys sorry I fell asleep early last night, I had to get up at 5am for work, usually I wake up at 6, but I had to get up at 5 to shovel my way out of the driveway, since I live in MA and we got hit with a huge snowstorm. I'm typing this on my cell phone so I'm keeping it brief till I get home, where I will get back to everyone more in depth... Basically I'm SCARED SHITLESS now, l'm starting to realize the magnitude of this situation and how it could have lifelong effects... I'm feeling pretty down right now, not because of not doing H but because of the situation I'm in and how I "fucked this up, and now using out of recreation may never be an option again" I wish I had more respect/control over the drug but its becoming clear that i don't right now... And neversickanymore- your right, I have NO RECORD at all, a college degree, a family that Ioves me and that would be devestated if they knew I was using H... I'm just sad about closing this door as fucked up as it sounds, some of my happiest memories/ feelings in my life were this summer of 2013 where I was high on H, I dont think i will ever forget this summer... Sry to rant I'm just feeling low, confused on how this happened to me, and just sad all around. 17 hours in, feeling relatively fine, I'll update later when I get home from work.
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Look man in all honestly you may be able to use in moderation who knows, its unlikely and to be honest i think you know but some people can do it. I thought i could and convinced myself over and over and over again that it would be different. It wasnt, in fact for me it got progressively worse each time and soon came overdoses, putting myself in danger and around people who would take my life, jail, the works. For real man you should look at it in this light. Instead of being upset you cant use( which i understand) be happy you have a chance to live your life without being a slave to this drug.
 
hockey4life said:
Thanks ad-lib for the support! Congrats on picking yourself back up after your relapse :)! 8 months is amazing! And ya I expect these feelings to be here... yet since I have such a tiny habit, I'm hopping I won't even have PAWS, iv'e heard that it takes a solid year of daily use before PAWS really comes into play... I'm hopin I bounce back quick, like I said earlier, I know this kick is mild compared to everyone else posting here! I'm 18 hours in, and barely have any signs of physical withdrawal...it's a joke! I should be able to stop this so easily, yet for me right now it's way more of a mental battle... The biggest battle that I'm facing is that I honesty have a strong desire to try and chip this drug and live a happy life at the same time! I know it's everyone's dream though and it's almost some fuckin fairy tale lol... Idk, I have to focus on the negatives ( getting in legal trouble with the drug, financial problems, neglecting other areas of my life etc) I'm just focusing on today right now! Thanks again, means a lot having people that care and don't want me to follow in their footsteps!!!
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You're welcome :)

For me, mental WAS the worst! Physical I was able to deal with, even though it sucked. But the psychological aspect of it is what killed me. That's what caused my relapse- stress, mentality, etc. I'm not sure as to why you started using, but one of the reasons I started using was because I wanted all the fucking bullshit in my life to go away. I wanted to escape my psychological pain. Even though I'm only 22 years old, I've been through some shit, just like the rest of the people in the world. I used drugs as an escape. When I was high, I wasn't thinking about my life and how much I wanted to fucking die, I was focusing on the high.

But it's not worth it. It's not worth the short lived good feelings. As soon as the high started to fade, I'd use again because I'd become terribly depressed I was back to reality. Back to thinking about work, school, family, etc.

If the reasons for you using are to dull psychological pain, I suggest talking to someone to help you work through those feelings, as cheesy as it may sound. It's helped me tremendously. Also, this is a real tough one, but necessary- cut off contact with those who use.. It's fucking hard, I know. But the more "sober" friends you have, the more likely you are to stay sober because they can help encourage you.

<3
 
Schottyiv said:
Look man in all honestly you may be able to use in moderation who knows, its unlikely and to be honest i think you know but some people can do it. I thought i could and convinced myself over and over and over again that it would be different. It wasnt, in fact for me it got progressively worse each time and soon came overdoses, putting myself in danger and around people who would take my life, jail, the works. For real man you should look at it in this light. Instead of being upset you cant use( which i understand) be happy you have a chance to live your life without being a slave to this drug.
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Agreed. Although I have never had an addiction with heroin or any of the "harder" opiates, I always found myself trying to convince myself that I would be able to do whatever drug, whenever, and live a completely normal life. I desired this lifestyle, but never achieved it. Before my perc addiction could fully form, I was arrested and given the choice to stop drugs for four months to drop charges. Hell yeah I chose that. During those months I realized how different the "high me" is compared to the sober me. I never was aware that I was trying to live a normal life while being on a different drug every other day until I became sober. I so badly wanted to be that guy who was able to do his shit in the day and then go home, do a few lines of K, wake up, take a perc, finish my day, do a line of mxe, wake up, take some random pill, finish my day, do some molly... and you see the pattern.

hockey4life, maybe once you let yourself become sober (from heroin/opiates at least) you'll look back and see the big picture. You'll see much more clearly the situation you put yourself in and how you got to this point. You'll be able to observe your "opiate mindset" compared to your sober mindset. It's just like a third party handling a dispute between two people... they aren't in the situation, so they're able to think more rationally about how to solve the problem. Hopefully this is making sense to anyone reading.

I have never experienced an opiate withdrawal, so I can't offer you any advice on the symptoms. All I can do is hope that you get better. Hope to see you post soon.

Oh, by the way, I'm not sure if Bluelight has a rule against this type of recommendation: have you thought about going to an AA/NA meeting? I've only been to a NA meeting once and didn't really like it (too religious/cult-like), but most of the AA meetings I have gone to were good. The advice from an alcohol addict can be just as useful as a narcotics addict. You don't even have to worry about talking to people or even looking at them, you can just go to a meeting and sit there quietly. The only reason I have gone to AA meetings because it was required for my charges to be dropped... I didn't like the religious aspect of it all, but after a while you learn to overlook that. After a while it became clear to me that it's based on spirituality, not just "god". So if you're athiest/agnostic, don't let this stop you from going and potentially hearing advice that can stop you from picking up again.
 
Thanks guys for the support! It means the world to me :) I'm out of work in 40 minutes, can't wait to go home, it's freezing outside, and I've been shoveling at my job since 7am lol it's a good distraction though! As far as why I started using, it was simply because I fell in love with the high! I have had a great life, and I have always been a happy person! I never used because of sadness, i used to "enjoy life" as stupid as that sounds! When I first got into heroin i felt like it complimented my life in so many ways! It gave me a huge burst of euphoric energy, I was loving life on it, I was so upbeat that girls loved me when I was high, i was making them laugh, lasting all night in bed lol, I was going out to bars by foot with my using friends nodding out in a daze the whole way walking there with a fat smile on my face... Just so many memories with this drug lol. As the summer progressed, into fall, and winter now things changed. It sounds cheesy to say but as the seasons have changed so has my relationship with H... In the summer when I began losing control it was all fun and games to me, even though everyone I met through this drug said basically the same thing, " get the fuck out before you CAN'T!" As winter came now the depression and dark side of this drug is really becoming apparent as I'm starting to realize how unforgiving and powerfully addictive this poison is. There's a reason EVERYONE warned me all summer, and now it all makes sense! I'm open to NA/AA meetings! That's a great idea! I'll post some more info when I get home, sry for this long ass paragraph, it's tough formatting this on my phone lol! You guys/girls are the best :)
 
hey man i got hit with a snowstorm last night 2 and had 2 shovel as well lol. southern ontario. the people here are being harsh and shit just to scare you. truth is your really only 2 months in a bad habit and if you quit now and make it you will be fine as long as you don't do opiates again, you should be the same as you were before the heroin. there are better drugs anyway like weed and psychedelics and shit. if you keep going though you will start to IV and its a rapid descent from there. just dont do any more heroin!

oh and also a lot more money and free time :)
 
hockey4life said:
Thanks guys for the support! It means the world to me :) I'm out of work in 40 minutes, can't wait to go home, it's freezing outside, and I've been shoveling at my job since 7am lol it's a good distraction though! As far as why I started using, it was simply because I fell in love with the high! I have had a great life, and I have always been a happy person! I never used because of sadness, i used to "enjoy life" as stupid as that sounds! When I first got into heroin i felt like it complimented my life in so many ways! It gave me a huge burst of euphoric energy, I was loving life on it, I was so upbeat that girls loved me when I was high, i was making them laugh, lasting all night in bed lol, I was going out to bars by foot with my using friends nodding out in a daze the whole way walking there with a fat smile on my face... Just so many memories with this drug lol. As the summer progressed, into fall, and winter now things changed. It sounds cheesy to say but as the seasons have changed so has my relationship with H... In the summer when I began losing control it was all fun and games to me, even though everyone I met through this drug said basically the same thing, " get the fuck out before you CAN'T!" As winter came now the depression and dark side of this drug is really becoming apparent as I'm starting to realize how unforgiving and powerfully addictive this poison is. There's a reason EVERYONE warned me all summer, and now it all makes sense! I'm open to NA/AA meetings! That's a great idea! I'll post some more info when I get home, sry for this long ass paragraph, it's tough formatting this on my phone lol! You guys/girls are the best :)
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Props for typing that all on a phone, haha.

That's the thing with drugs man, especially the opiates... you can have a totally happy life, and then you try the drug of choice out and realize it makes you even happier, and eventually you think it's all good and shit. You might keep track of your dosing/dosages, you might be doing it in moderation and feel like you're controlling your habit, but the problem is that controlling the habit becomes a full time job - mentally. It becomes too much of a hassle and eventually you'll break the "moderation streak" and stop caring so much about it. That's how the slope starts...

Good times are always about when you're on these drugs, but it's better to keep them as memories. It's almost as if you're chasing that high/memory again, just like the way people explain how an addiction forms.

Oh and keep yourself distracted and busy from work. Do what you can to keep it off your mind.

Keep it up. :)
 
Quick update guys, I'm 27 hours in, for those of u who have been following this thread this is exactly where I caved in my 1st attempt to stop, I've got the watery eyes and runny nose thing going again lol knew that was coming... This is the first day/ night since September 25, that I have not done any H :), officially breaking this binge! Feels good knowing I made it a day although I've been getting more increasingly uncomfortable as every minute goes by, I'm going to try and get some sleep soon, if I even get any :(.... Feels great though being a day off the ops : )
 
Schottyiv said:
Yo man quit while your ahead, your daily dope use isnt that bad and your kick right now is honestly going to be really damn easy compared to what it will be if you keep at it. And I dont mean to be an asshole when saying this but i remember back when i used to try and kick and cave cuz i thought i was sick and granted i was in mild withdrawal but then one day i ACTUALLY got sick. Basically man, its nearly impossible for me to be clean these days, only reason i am now is cause i kicked a 2+ gram IV habit cold turkey in jail, which lasted about 9 days. Im trying to give you some tough love and say suck it up while your habit is mild because eventually youll be wishing your withdrawals are what they are now instead of what they will be in the future if you keep up what your doing.
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This is good advice. I was thinking the exact same thing, quit while your ahead. Withdrawal may seem bad now, but youre in for a world of hurt and misery if you continue. This WD may seem uncomfortable but its definetly doable. Well, all WDs are doable, especially if youre forced. The only times I have fully withdrawn were in jail. I was so sick I was pooping my scrubs and too sick to change them i had to be changed and sit in the shower on a chair. Couldnt sleep for over a week and couldnt even keep water or food down. My roomamte gave me one gummybear and i even threw that up. Eventually had to get a hydration IV because i couldnt keep anything down.

You can do it! Just think, do you want to keep going thru this hell? You alreary got the right mindset, get out while you can!!
 
Praying for you, guy. Read your Bible. Plus look up Chris Arnade. He does these beautiful and harrowing portraits of people struggling with addiction. I hope you are feeling loved and appreciated. Trust me, even if you cannot appreciate being clean for good right now, it will mean the world to someone very soon and in the future.
 
Hey guys I'm almost at the 40 mark... Last night was hell. I didn't sleep at all... I've never tossed and turned so much.. I was felt like i was dying...I was covered in goosebumps all night... Far different than the last time I took a night off ( had no withdrawals) , I know I'm really in it now... and I know by tomorrow once I hit the 72 hour mark I'm hopin it doesn't get any worse.... This is really scaring me away from ever using heroin more than one day in a row, I can't believe when I first got into this drug I thought it was heaven on earth, and all roses and butterflies lol.. This drug is showing me straight hell now, the withdrawal is really turning me away from it, such a deceptive drug... I came this far I'm going to battle and give it 100 percent, I'm not giving up. Starting a new job right now, will post later...
 
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