hockey4life, your thoughts are not immature as addiction doesn't seem to mature... you're feeling sad like a majority of us leaving something that made everything seem better. When I said I cried everyday, I mean literally. I did. Every day seemed like hell and misery. I also realized I wasn't happy prior to having oxycontin prescribed. I didn't go to feeling just calm...I went from, anxiety and panic attacks, insecurity. as my usual way of life, and then add a painful divorce, and a two yr old to raise alone, etc to pretty much being euphoric. Just doing everyday responsibilities were fun...Before I'd go to sleep at night, I'd say to myself "I can't wait to wake up and have another great day tomorrow". It seems I thought I was only allowed to take my Rx until the morning lol. I'm weird like that. I've attributed it to being raised by a militant, alcoholic mother.
Even if I was able to maintain not running out early, the feeling would've changed anyway, due to tolerance. It can't go on forever, no matter what. I do know none of that seems to matter while you're feeling so depressed. neversick has alot of good advice. And he is so supportive of you....you have to love that.
It took me a long time to get through the depression. Just because I stopped crying, I still wasn't feeling very happy about any of it. I tried oxycontin again, only to find out I no longer felt the euphoria. I don't feel euphoria from any opiates...even in high amounts. Including H. And I am grateful for that. If I think I'm in a terrible situation now, I can only imagine the one I'd be in if I still became euphoric...
It only gets worse as time goes on hockey...meaning the degree you feel wd, the consequences...I promise that you can move forward. You will. It's at your own rate, on your own time. As long as you're doing the steps that lead to becoming better in the meantime.
This past eight mos binge on H, was to get through because my rx ran out early. It had been a few yrs since I'd used in between None of us can use sometimes. You will be ok w that eventually. It's why sobriety is put before all else, well one of the great reasons...it's because it's not easy. You are experiencing this first hand...there is a definitive sadness that comes w it...it's a breakup. Not like one. It is one.
I wasn't trying to say anything mean by the fact you were high when you began posting. What I meant is that it's easy to have a rosy outlook with the chemical blanket on. I know very well. I have admired you through your entire thread. Shoveling snow? While sick? Starting a new job while sick? You may have felt like walking out, but you didnt. Between the physical symptoms, and the anxiety, which are bad enough in a familiar setting, w people you can tell...you had none of that, yet you stuck it out. There's alot to be said for that. Keep going. Line up support...to have at all times around the clock. The best to you.
I'll keep updated but as of right now I feel that I'm free from this physical dependence from H! Feels great! In summary, I tried to cold turkey two attempts and failed miserably! On the third attempt I cold turkeyed day 1 then took 4mg sub on day 2 followed by 2mg sub on day 3!!! This plan worked! Thanks for everyone who has been there for me! I'll do a few more updates, and I'll see everyone on the forums 
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Sorry to hear about your friend. If I were you I would start to create an amazing life that promotes peace and hapiness with out the herion. If you leave your life where its at and do not make it something amazing and continue to foster the delusion that you have lost the best feeling you have ever had or will ever have then you will use again as soon as you get a connect. It sounds to me like you have all kinds of amazing things to discover and do in your life if you are under the impression that some lines of herion are the best thing ever. 
