Going Crazy on Purpose? - induced mania

[paranoid android]

Theres lots of meds for bipolar disorder so you can try different combos to see if they work without the zombie effect. I can't say any of the mood stabilizers or anti-psychotics ive taken have made me feel like a zombie. Lamictal has really no effect like that at all on me atleast but then again your on lithium as well and some people do complain about the zombie feeling lithium gives them. As i said everyone is different as i know lot's of people who say lithium helps them alot without any side effects.

So yeah if your not pleased with your currant psych regimen go see your psychiatrist or whatever instead of trying to induce mania. Inducing mania can't be done safely at all and you don't know wheather your going to get just mania or mixed state mania.

 

[izzy66]

das feuer, you are very lucky indeed that your creativity is not negatively impacted by meds. like leiphos, i have great difficulty w/ creativity while on lithium, etc. everyone reacts differently to meds so do not be too quick to dismiss the experiences of others as "total bullshit." however i do agree that -some- folks do occasionally use lack of creativity as an excuse to d/c their meds.

i was diagnosed bipolar some decades ago and have been to hell and back a few times w/ this fucked disorder/disease, some times due to adverse reactions to meds, some times due to going off meds against medical advice. i've finally come to a mutually agreeable resolution w/ my docs regarding meds. i take the smallest amount possible to keep me "in the middle of the road" as one doc said although i feel more like i'm walking a tightrope. however at this point mania manifests as intense irritability and lacks most of the positive aspects i once experienced and later craved while on lithium and other meds.
a little madness can be totally exhilarating but ime a little eventually turns into too much madness, spins out of control and turns into one of those really bad scenes i hope to permanently avoid. emotional stability has a price and often that price seems way too high.
"touched by fire" by kay redfield jamison is a great read for anyone interested in the relationship between bipolar illness and creativity.
-izzy

 

[SilverFeniks]

Best thread I've ever read on BPD here on Bluelight ... some real harrowing experiences here (frightening because I can relate so well).

Nothing like the feeling of getting super-hyped about all the life changes you've suddenly been enlightened to make, spend all week on them, then crashing hard, barely able to function, nevermind having to face the self-induced damage that has been wreaked. I've foolishly bought and sold cars/houses, quit jobs, moved states, and ruined friendships all over one hour's inspiration.

I don't have many friends these days, and have blown some recent jobs, as I try (unsuccessfully) to hide my manic depression, and continue to be powerless to do anything about it.

Doctors have never helped me (they've alternatively put me on unipolar depression meds, told me I need nothing, or told me I need commitment to avoid homicidal killing sprees. All worthless advice).
Thankfully I've been fairly stable as of late, though usually a result of trading mental stability for poor physical health (non-Rx-drug-induced).

For all the hell the uncontrollable moods and deep depressions bring, I'm still not convinced that the alternative (Rx meds) are ever better ... I've simply heard FAR too many personal experiences of having to try many different individual/combo drugs, getting worse, etc. to make up for the dignity of surviving unmedicated, or the loss of those choice manic moments.
Obviously when I'm suicidal, I desire change, but as soon as that ends, my motivation to seek help through "zombification" medication is virtually nihl. I am quite happy with myself and my opinions/perspectives as is (making CBT useless); given the propensity for medication to make the negative pole worse for many, I don't see how chemical therapy can have a measurable net positive effect so long as I manage to sustain my own life.

 

[leiphos]

"touched by fire" by kay redfield jamison is a great read for anyone interested in the relationship between bipolar illness and creativity.
-izzy

just shopping-carted that one for my next Amazon book haul. I'm considering going off the meds again, or maybe jumping back and forth, or going from wellbutrin to lamictal/lithium and back as needed to keep me where I want to be, life's evening out too much it would seem, tho adderall helps throw it slightly askew
so do impulsive decisions... @ artists + bipolar, I'm a writer and not only did I just quit my job for no good reason, but what a coincidence: I also got offered to go on a 5-state reading tour with a press - so obv. said yes, killing all chance of getting the job back, plus forgoing weeks of school, I'll probably fail this semester outright, but I'm on one hell of a rush just anticipating this it's a real subversive press too, we're doing late-night bars etc. and I'm expecting the unexpected, my mind is racing with this, I've almost just decided to give up now on school altogether and just chainsmoke Camels... also thinking a lot about water and how it removes, & Virginia Woolf who drowned herself, plus Keats' tombstone: 'here lies one whose name was writ in water' ... well the mind's a scary place to get lost, but I love horror flicks :D

 

[izzy66]

dude if i took any adderal i could plug myself into my electric meter n make the sumbitch run backwards for a week. i can barely deal with coffee. idk how you do it...

i think you'll like "touched by fire." it's an excellent read and kay jamison is a very interesting woman.

there a few little "hole in the wall" places nearby that host readings on a regular basis. i love places like that. someday i hope to get it together enough to stand up and read some of my scribblings.
best of luck, leiphos.
-izzy

 

[paranoid android]

I can honestly say ive gotten better at dealing with bipolar disorder over the last year or so. Im not having mixed state freakouts nearly as much, when i do go manic i can end up alot broker then i was 8) or end up doing crazy shit that i barely think about doing. But usually now i'll take a anti-psychotic and that will calm down my stupid head. I don't seem to get the real long depressive episodes like i constantly used to get either.

I generally have to take 3 different kinds of meds to control all the aspects of the bipolar i get. A mood stabilizer (ive been on lamotrigine a long time), a anti-psychotic (this varies between seroquel, risperdal and zyprexa but ive been taking zyprexa the past few days) and a anti-depressant which is always wellbutrin as it's the only one i can take without going manic really and it actually seems to work. Plus it helps alot for SAD . It seems to be the one that is the least likely to cause mania in people with bipolar disorder from what ive seen. This is atleast when your on a mood stabilizer that works for you.

I don't find that this combo makes me any less creative at all. It does however stop me from doing stupid impulsive shit. Usually 8(

 

[leiphos]

I have gone off my medicine again. Keep jumping back and forth between lamictal (low dose just to avoid withdrawals) and wellbutrin, and nothing. This mania is so lovely, I'm up all night getting so much done but also being frivolous and impulsive. Who knows what's next. Klonopin helps, but I'm not using it properly. Or adderall. Certainly coffee till dawn has some relation.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Certainly coffee till dawn has some relation.

I think the rapid return to a less manic state that has occurred upon hospitalization for me at times has been caused as much by the fact psych wards are largely caffeine free as any other factor.

In drivers ed they teach you about the distance between you and the next car as it relates to how much time you have between seeing an oncoming collision, reacting, and how long your car takes to actually stop. There is a similar thing with mania. Your chances of intervening effectively and in time are only so/so. In part your judgment of when you have gone over the top is impaired, but as well the ability of meds to successfully curtail mania is going to vary quite a bit in both onset and effectiveness. I'm hoping you avoid bad consequences but it is really pretty chancy.

 

[donnie080208]

Im no expert on bipolar but did any one see the Stephen FRY documentary , secret life of a manic depressive (2 part u.k. series) He interviewed richard dreyfuss (actor) who said he wont take librium etc.. because it stiffles his creativity, there was a few others interviewed who also said this. A good series that can be found on torent site TPB and probably youtube.