Bupe God damned doctors

[hydrobitartrate]

I got kicked out of pain management over a failed drug test as well. It was just pot that dr. was polite and professional about let me hang in the office while he called my gp about me going on suboxone. After he told me since i had tested positive he couldn't write my hydrocodone anymore, and i explained i didn't even want him too, and told him about my habit i told him the truth the 90 pills he'd give me would get CWE and be gone in 2 or 3 days certainly not a month. I've screwed up plenty and have no problem admitting it. I'm an addict what do people really expect? I try to stop, but the reasons i started keep coming back. I'm a professional firefighter so I'm always injured or burnt always somthing causing pain, now i also know that i was fortunate enough to inherit RA it explains alot. I just started back to college for my chemical engineering degree so i don't have to destroy my body at work anymore. I'm actively working tward a better life. Also can't go to the er for xanax my wife is an np there and she has no idea i got kicked out.

 

[Mad Dash]

I got kicked out of pain management over a failed drug test as well. It was just pot that dr. was polite and professional about let me hang in the office while he called my gp about me going on suboxone. After he told me since i had tested positive he couldn't write my hydrocodone anymore, and i explained i didn't even want him too, and told him about my habit i told him the truth the 90 pills he'd give me would get CWE and be gone in 2 or 3 days certainly not a month. I've screwed up plenty and have no problem admitting it. I'm an addict what do people really expect? I try to stop, but the reasons i started keep coming back. I'm a professional firefighter so I'm always injured or burnt always somthing causing pain, now i also know that i was fortunate enough to inherit RA it explains alot. I just started back to college for my chemical engineering degree so i don't have to destroy my body at work anymore. I'm actively working tward a better life. Also can't go to the er for xanax my wife is an np there and she has no idea i got kicked out.

I am sorry man, the truth is it does not sound like you are ready to be in recovery. Recovery is a choice that one makes, and it is slow and painful. Being put on suboxone by a doctor because they found pot in your system does not a recovering addict make. You should really look into going to a outpatient rehab program if you are serious so that you can learn how to stay clean. I have been heard many time saying that I count being on bupe as being clean, as long as you are not abusing anything else. But this is just being on bupe to hold you over until you find something else.

Also you attitude is defeatist in saying "hey what do you expect I am an addict" but that is a side effect of this generation having an entitled sense of thinking. I might sound like I am being harsh right now, but I really am not. I am just giving you the honest truth bluntly. Not telling your wife about this is just another sign that you are indeed not ready to change. You are still in the cycle of lying and hiding everything to conceal your use. I mean this is textbook active addict behavior. And I know what it is like to work in pain I am a vet, I eventually had to get out because of the problems it caused me. Sounds like you need to as well. You also need to get serious about your recovery, because "just a little pot" is not an excuse that is going to work these days. And being clean also means not drinking alcohol. So don't say the whole "well alcohol is legal" that is not what it is about. It is about the idea of taking anything with the hopes that it will change your perception of reality.

Some purists even include caffeine and nicotine. Keep this life style up and I promise you that your wife is going to leave you. I know because mine did. And I was using my pain medication as prescribed, but in the end I still think she left because she couldn't handle my PTSD. But these lies on top of lies are only hurting you. I am glad you have a place like bluelight to come to and tell the truth because you really need to hear this.

 

[hydrobitartrate]

A lie by omission if i told her the truth my marriage would be over. I don't think you were being harsh at all not nearly as harsh as i am on myself which is why I'm up at 5:30 and about to go lay down. She gave me an ultimatum last time she found out i was using. Maybe I'm not ready for sobriety, but doesn't it mean somthing that i want to be ready? What's that? We got in a fight this evening because of my impending knee surgery, and insist i get by on ibuprofen alone not opioids. I'm honestly starting to worry about ulcers between the ibuprofen, meloxicam, and diclofenac that's alot of powerful nsaids to be taking to manage my chronic conditions and this bit with my knee for the time being. I can't honestly imagine a life of pure sobriety, no nothing? Booze and pot included i only smoke when i have the time off to be clean before i go back to work it just doesn't work like it used to either. So i drink allot of whiskey to help me sleep and to stretch my xanax. My liver enzymes are high so that's probably not a good idea for me to trade my stomach ulcer generating daily regimen for the one that's going to completely kill my liver. I appreciate you guys taking an interest in me and being honest good or bad, but that's the last puzzle piece i have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

 

[Mad Dash]

A lie by omission if i told her the truth my marriage would be over. I don't think you were being harsh at all not nearly as harsh as i am on myself which is why I'm up at 5:30 and about to go lay down. She gave me an ultimatum last time she found out i was using. Maybe I'm not ready for sobriety, but doesn't it mean somthing that i want to be ready? What's that? We got in a fight this evening because of my impending knee surgery, and insist i get by on ibuprofen alone not opioids. I'm honestly starting to worry about ulcers between the ibuprofen, meloxicam, and diclofenac that's alot of powerful nsaids to be taking to manage my chronic conditions and this bit with my knee for the time being. I can't honestly imagine a life of pure sobriety, no nothing? Booze and pot included i only smoke when i have the time off to be clean before i go back to work it just doesn't work like it used to either. So i drink allot of whiskey to help me sleep and to stretch my xanax. My liver enzymes are high so that's probably not a good idea for me to trade my stomach ulcer generating daily regimen for the one that's going to completely kill my liver. I appreciate you guys taking an interest in me and being honest good or bad, but that's the last puzzle piece i have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

This is what I was hoping to hear, this is the real shit. I have been right where you are. and I promise you that she will eventually find out, maybe not this time, but she will in the future. Now going to her and saying look I think I need some time to go to rehab because I can not stop thinking about it would probably do you a lot of good. I had the opportunity to do this. And I did not, I kept saying I can handle this, I can handle this. But my anxiety, depression, and PTSD were taking such a toll on me my wife left. Right when I needed her the most. If I would have just got help sooner, I might still be with her today.

Do you love your wife? Then stop HAVING to lie to her. You know what I mean? You obviously can't tell her about this now because you are stuck. But stop giving yourself reasons to have to lie. There might be another woman out there for you that is cool with you messing around every so often, or taking pain meds for your chronic pain, but she is not. So it comes down to what is more important to you. If you decide she is, go get help immediately, don't make the mistake of thinking you can do this on your own, even just having a sub doctor is not enough. You need a couple months of IOP at the very least. PHP would be better, in patient would be the best. But in patient usually ends marriages. You have to decide. And notice how I was up at the same time as you? 0530? That is because my wife is gone forever. You can at least change your life.

 

[namnoc16]

Yeah I again agree with Mad Dash. I've been having my own doctor problems he ordered wrong drug test and my urine didn't show my oxys but your situation is a little different. I was on suboxone for bit so I understand how the drug works and in order for you to have felt anything off other narcotics you'd have to wait a day or so with no subs.So you consciously stopped taking your subs waited then popped some pks. I'm sorry and don't mean to sound like a dick but it's hard for me to feel for you . If I was the doctor I'd probably have covered my ass also!
I'm just saying I'm very skeptical of your intentions. I could be wrong but being an exjunky I like to think I can spot addict behavior. If I'm wrong sincerely my apologies!

Let me edit this because I do feel for you I guess it's hard for me to believe your explanation. Addiction sucks and sometimes we lie to ourselves on reasons why we get drugs!

 

[Bropiace]

I wish I had more insights to help you out.

Mad Dash gave great advices. And U don't want to sound like I disagree with everything he said because on the contrary I agree with most of it.

Except : Even tho I agree sobriety is a state of mind and to be successful you need to commit 100% I will disagree that it needs to be total. Or to be precise it needs to be total to everyone. Sometimes you have to go with the lesser of the two evil and I don't think smoking weed for exemple is an absolute no no.

I know a lot of ex junkies that got there life back, drink casually and smoke weed regularly. Are they still compensate for some unresolved issues ? Most likely. However which is the best, finding the strenght to stay off the real nasty stuff bt allowing one self to blow off steam with the small things or risking everything to go on the complete sobriety thing ? I know those people I m talking wouldn't have made it for decades without that.

No one is the same and some might need to quit everything. But I doubt that is the best course of action for everyone.

And Mad Dash, you really did gave great advices. I am all for honesty. But the truth is maybe if you have been honnest with your wife you would still be with her, and maybe that is the same for the OP. But maybe not. And just maybe coming clean now for the OP would mean losing the support he needs. I will agree tho that keeping hidding it from her is a time bomb and chances are good she will eventually find out. Yet again sometime you got to chose between the lesser of the two evil. OP you got some soul searching to do and all those points are valid. It is for you to assess if you would rather take the risk of your relationship blowing up when she finds out you are keeping it from her or if you want to take a leap of faith and come clean, you also know better than anyone on this board what is her most likely reaction should you tell her everything.

 

[Screaming_Skull]

You know, I have to agree with the OP, I have never failed for anything but weed(like 3 times,gtta feeling its gnna come back and bite me though) but IF that was your first time failing AND you acutuallly had something wrong with you Sub wouldn't help, seeems like the doctor would give you a warning and let it slide pretty much, because GOOD LUCK getting that fucking doctor on the phone to ask them a question! I guese lesson learned, carry that card around with you that says you are on Subs and if anything happens for the doctor you are at to call that doctor to see what to do...Seems like yours woud have been an ass and said give him Ibuprophen anyway.....

 

[JebJebJeb]

If this is your daily life its no wonder you get ill good day to you sir

 

[marleyesque]

There are some completely self-righteous recovering addicts on this thread. I got clean in NA and am very familiar with the literature. Even the Basic Text says that there are times when it may be necessary to take medication. I also suffer from chronic pain, but over the years Suboxone has afforded me the luxury of handling the discomfort. From what you say, you are suffering from acute pain. If this is the case you should definitely go to the ER. They can give you a referral and something to help with the pain in the meantime. I don't think being completely dishonest is the answer. I manipulated doctors for years, and asit good as I was at it, my success was only about 75%. I suggest going to see a pain management Dr., but only disclosing your current situation. Only talk about your past if asked, and even then be dispcrete. I am amazed that your OP did not write something for you. Nobody is expected to go through surgery without some sort of medication to ease the pain afterwards. The last thing I would want is for you to go into active addiction, but over the years I have seen addicts in recovery become physically dependant on opiates. You are the only one who knows how much you are suffering, and your current truth, addict or not, should be the sole reason for your Doc's response. And yes, I am a doctor! After all, I can be anything I want you to think I am on the internet. No one need ever suffer, addict or not. Any empathetic doctor would agree. Empathy and compassion are the most important characteristics in a good doctor. I wish you well.

 

[Mad Dash]

There are some completely self-righteous recovering addicts on this thread. I got clean in NA and am very familiar with the literature. Even the Basic Text says that there are times when it may be necessary to take medication. I also suffer from chronic pain, but over the years Suboxone has afforded me the luxury of handling the discomfort. From what you say, you are suffering from acute pain. If this is the case you should definitely go to the ER. They can give you a referral and something to help with the pain in the meantime. I don't think being completely dishonest is the answer. I manipulated doctors for years, and asit good as I was at it, my success was only about 75%. I suggest going to see a pain management Dr., but only disclosing your current situation. Only talk about your past if asked, and even then be dispcrete. I am amazed that your OP did not write something for you. Nobody is expected to go through surgery without some sort of medication to ease the pain afterwards. The last thing I would want is for you to go into active addiction, but over the years I have seen addicts in recovery become physically dependant on opiates. You are the only one who knows how much you are suffering, and your current truth, addict or not, should be the sole reason for your Doc's response. And yes, I am a doctor! After all, I can be anything I want you to think I am on the internet. No one need ever suffer, addict or not. Any empathetic doctor would agree. Empathy and compassion are the most important characteristics in a good doctor. I wish you well.

Welcome to bluelight, that member that you think is being awful is a troll on this website, every post he has made has been inflammatory or just to start a fight. Jeb, I honestly think he will be banned pretty soon.

 

[dez79]

If u are in general pain day in day out who the fuck are they do get between you and relief/ life/ living cunts . the xanax im assuming is for anxiety disorder also a valid reason . its u not the doc who's in pain man good luck finding a caring doc

 

[hydrobitartrate]

Thanks, sorry I've missed a few days off this I've been totally out of it im going on 72 hours without sleep, and I've been a total zombie. Weird microsleeps have started along with clonic jerks, and very mild hallucinations mostly auditory, i feel exactly like I'm on shrooms except I'm not I've just that gritty sweaty feeling. . I'm super stressed about this situation and my workman's comp case right now, yes i was dead sober when i got hurt. I think that is the cause of my current ailment. I still can't tell my wife even though I'm going to run out of xanax sunday. Come what may I'm committed to the lie. I just hope it isn't too bad I've never had to withdraw from benzos for over 24 hours before.