Opioids go from addict to chipper

[the_ketaman]

I have been an opiate addict for 4-5 years now, Started off sniffing oxy then very shortly taught myself how to shoot them and for about 2 and a bit years I was using a lot for someone who wasnt even an adult(up to 240mg oxy in a shot, with up to 6mg xanax, sometimes pseudo-speedballed with up to 40mg methylphenidate(Ritalin)) But mostly Oxy coz I got it so cheap, it wasnt massive here in Australia like it is now. Also MS-Contin, Fentanyl and Heroin. Then oneday when I was 19 after many failed attempts at quitting and going to rehab(where I continued to use even though I finished the damn thing) I made an appointment with the local drug and alcohol clinic and planned to get on bupe and was told I couldnt use for 2 days beforehand. Well of course I used, I tried lying and saying I didnt use but im glad he realized I was high coz now I know what precipitated WD feels like and it is HELL. Anyway I ended up on methadone, 80mg in the end for a few years and now im on bupe.

I used heroin rarely while on methadone but now that im reducing off the bupe I think I may start rewarding myself every few months of being sober. As a few people have said, I love opiates and I dont want to stop using them, I just dont want to be dependant, have a high tolerance, have to spend a lot of money or feel crap all the time. My life has changed a lot since I was a full-on addict, I feel confident that I could keep things under control. Opiates are not the drug of choice by most around here so im kind of blessed wit that, I dont like the process in which I need to use to get heroin and the morphine is only available a few times a months anyway so I think ill be ok. Though there were times when I knew chipping wouldnt work, a lot of it seems to be in my head though. Maintaining a healthy mental state is important to me, once that goes down the drain I have nothing so as long as im in a good place mentally im fine.

 

[What was it?]

Of course it's possible but it's dang hard and not worth it for two reasons in my opinion.

Reason #1 - risk you will go back into full addiction
Reason #2 - even if you don't go back into full addiction, using once a month won't be enough to satisfy you so after you use, you will feel depressed that it has to be a whole month before you can use again. Basically, the unpleasant feeling of wanting to use more often than you are allowing to, will outweigh the pleasure of the high.

At least that is true for me. That is why I never have success using addictive drugs in moderation. It's not because I lack will power, it's because using them in moderation is not worth it. It leads to craving them all the time when you can't have them and wanting something you can't have is very unpleasant.

This is just my opinion though and other people might have a different expereince.

I hundred percent agree.....couldn't have stated it better!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Keif' Richards]

Of course it's possible but it's dang hard and not worth it for two reasons in my opinion.

Reason #1 - risk you will go back into full addiction
Reason #2 - even if you don't go back into full addiction, using once a month won't be enough to satisfy you so after you use, you will feel depressed that it has to be a whole month before you can use again. Basically, the unpleasant feeling of wanting to use more often than you are allowing to, will outweigh the pleasure of the high.

At least that is true for me. That is why I never have success using addictive drugs in moderation. It's not because I lack will power, it's because using them in moderation is not worth it. It leads to craving them all the time when you can't have them and wanting something you can't have is very unpleasant.

This is just my opinion though and other people might have a different expereince.

Well put. I think most people will find rational and logical perspective of their own drug use nearly impossible. Probably because of the inherent biases we have about ourselves, either good or bad, and the way that highly addictive substances tend to pervert our thought processes and such (e.g. treating substances as a reward for perceived accomplishments). I've been a daily user of opiates, and a so-called chipper as well, and I currently reside in the "using 3-4 days out of the week, spending all of my earned money on them, but nothing more" category. Anything is possible, but after being dependent on opiates psychologically or physically, it'd be pretty fucking hard to use them casually or recreationally. "There are some things you can't unsee."

 

[blackjesus]

you really have to ask yourself a few questions that nobody here can answer for you and those questions are

what kind of personality do i have?
-when i first realized that i was addicted, and kicked, i started to notice alot of behaviors that influenced not only my poly-drug addiction but the way those behaviors shape the decisions i make..maybe...yeah u used to shoot a gram but now half a dime bag would prob get you buzz-worthy, but thats not the determination of whether or not your addicted. just because you're not in withdrawals doesnt mean your not addicted.

Can i say no?
-typically if you do have an addictive personality (and i would assume that if you're "addicted" that you do) the brain changes and changes back to and from addiction but the compulsory decision to "GO." and not stop is the thought process you need to concern yourself with.

do you remember what it was like when u werent addicted and chipped on the weekends and went back to school/work on the weekdays forgetting all about it? before it consumed you.

these psychological questions that only you can answer are the most informative way to make the best decision about whether you'r going to use again.

personally, when i kick if i even have a little bit, i'll do anything to keep that high going for as long as i can. and for most, who doesnt? who wouldnt, there is a reason the drugs are addictive and its because they make you feel fucking great.

 

[happydaze21]

Another no post. Every time I tried I always ended up in "abuse mode". I could always logically justify it too. No matter how many times I went through the cycle I would always end up dependent. They only difference is sometimes I got back there in a few weeks other times it took a year but a single use would eventually take me to the same place , and it loses its charm with every go around. Try to stay away if you can.

 

[chunk911]

I think its just way too much temptation like ultimately it would be something i would love to do but having been a more on and off user recently it just completely retriggers ur brain into addiction mode like when i have a bag of pills and im supposed to save a pill or two for someone else once i start getting high i can just rationalize it to myself

 

[chunk911]

also if u think about it if you can successfully chip that would be like ultimate control over ur addiction but thats playin with some serious fire

 

[piebald]

im gonna go with a NO on that one..unless your super special...

 

[skylines7]

I'm a huge believer in harm reduction, and believe people should be taught responsible drug use instead of "just say no"

Anyway, it's been a little over 4 months since I made this thread and all seems to be going well so far. My using started with once a week, to twice a week, and now it hovers between 0-3x per week depending on my financial situation. I still have not fallen into physical dependency but I have had a higher amount of cravings.

I know full well the power of addiction, as I had an IV drug habit, sold all my belongs, dropped out of school, owed money for rent, utilities, loans and to people. And I'm not making this post as a statement of "everyone can be responsible drug users", or "i am super special, look at me i beat addiction" - believe me, that is not the way I think at all. I think America is completely misguided in its drug policy and prohibition causes a majority of the health problems associated with addiction. This post is to further generate discussion on the topic of responsible drug use in recovering drug addicts.

I just think people with addictions are here often on this website and I think it would be helpful if maybe they saw an option of responsible drug use. I really think it can be learned.

Don't we all know that all or nothing philosophies don't work. Everything in moderation in key. I believe I relapsed in the past because I went from ALL...to NOTHING...then I wanted it ALL again. This time around I'm realizing that if I want to make drugs a part of my life, I have to be responsible with my use - the time and place has to be right, all my work has to be done, and I have to be able to afford it financially. I'll admit, the financial thing is something that I am having a hard time with. I'm still broke as a joke, because I spend all my free money on drugs still