Girls, how often do you mention a boyfriend to a guy who you actually like?

[jazz hands]

I've been getting a signal from girls lately where I feel they are open to me, but have a boyfriend and mention it at some point. It seems like these girls are genuinely interested in me though. I've always taken it that if a girl mentions a boyfriend, it's a signal to preempt any advances from a guy, but this is really at odds with everything I'm experiencing now. I'm essentially getting very strong signals of attraction with the mention of a boyfriend.

What I'm wondering is how girls generally react when they meet a guy with who they feel strong chemistry, yet are in already in a relationship. Is there a period of time where you get to know the new guy and weigh your options? What exactly does this wiggle room I'm getting mean?

 

[Lysis]

Gotta love the dating game, huh? It's tough, and I know my gender (yours can do it too! lol) send mixed signals. I apologize now for my gender. :D

There are a few reasons why a girl would drop the boyfriend line. You're right about your assumption, but I'm also wondering what kind of environment we're talking about here. Is this at a club or a bar or something? If a guy approaches me at a bar or club, I mention it pretty quickly so I don't waste his time or mine. Some girls are really flirtatious (me) and we can give off the wrong signals unintentionally. If we feel like the guy is getting the wrong idea, we drop the boyfriend mention so the guy will back off. This usually happens in a work, school or social environment where we've known the guy for a while.

Now, there are those girls who are unhappy with current BFs and haven't called it off, but who would jump ship if they met someone. Some would say these girls are insecure or cowards or whatever, but sometimes the girl is just kinda working it through her head if she wants to stay with the guy. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. If you love someone and you're not sure and you happen to meet someone you really like during that time, it just plain sucks. Do you give up the current BF for this random dude? The grass is not always greener, but when you're trying to analyze the situation and you run into someone you really enjoy, it's a time of confusion and not always something where the girl is just purely looking to hook up with another guy before dumping the other. The latter happens as well, but it's not always the case.

So, basically I've just told you nothing concrete. lol Welcome to the dating world. lol You're gonna have to weigh the situation and get into the habit of reading people. The dating game requires a lot of soft skills such as reading people, using your gut feeling, experience and reading between the lines.

 

[max_]

You're gonna have to weigh the situation and get into the habit of reading people. The dating game requires a lot of soft skills such as reading people, using your gut feeling, experience and reading between the lines.

And it wouldn't be fun at all if it weren't for this. I am as sorry as everybody else.

Now regarding the OP, I find myself in the very same situation as you, and it's not one girl but two (maybe three, can't remember). I am as puzzled as you are, but I think that what they are trying to do is get you to "steal" them away from their bf in a very prince charming kind of way. In my personal opinion, I do not like this attitude but maybe it's because I'm not the prince charming kind of guy, but the get married have children kind of guy. So yeah, I can't play these games and it sucks for me. What are you going to do?

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Don't play any games. Unless you knew these chicks before they had a fella then don't even think about it - it's not worth the hassle. Are you even reading the signals right? They could just like you as a friend, considering they don't have testosterone flowing through their veins 24/7 - just be a friend, and if any of them break up with their dudes, make a move when the right amount of time has lapsed - just so it's not a rebound, or pity fuck, and that they're not really dependent (if you wait a bit, you'll soon see if they are - jumping straight onto next man).

 

[Dizmal]

If she drops the line, just laugh then say "are you sick of him yet?".

Imho girls like to put guys they are attracted but cant be with at that current time in a "Friends that could be more" zone. Unlike the typical friends only zone, here they can flirt and have fun with you and even make plans while having the "hes just a friend" excuse in the pocket ready to pull out. Women like to be guilt free about this certain zone.

If there boyfriend gets jealous or insecure about her "friends the could be more" and lays guilt upon her about it he is likely to push her away towards these said "friends" even more, which is great for her because she has a excuse to break up and have casual sex for awhile, thinking over options ect.. Women are very social creatures, and like to establish relationships with many men. I dont think there are any set rules, but in general I find the above to be the most common case.

 

[llama112]

I mention my boyfriend so that guys stop hitting on me. If I was actually interested in a guy (when I have a boyfriend), I would NOT mention my boyfriend. Why? Because the whole point of mentioning a boyfriend is to get the guy to not hit on you.
When I was with my ex, I met my (now) bf, I did not mention the ex when I met the guy because I was interested in him.
That's only happened once though.

Anyway, I hate to say it, but maybe they aren't sending any signals. Maybe they are just being friendly. Girls in relationships like to have friends too. How do you know that they feel strong chemistry? Are you sure it isn't just one way?

 

[jazz hands]

^ The girl I saw the night I wrote this, there is no chance I am misreading her. The other girl, it's possible that I'm misreading her attraction, but I don't really feel it is a stretch to think she's attracted to me, if not a lot then at least a little.

If she drops the line, just laugh then say "are you sick of him yet?".

Imho girls like to put guys they are attracted but cant be with at that current time in a "Friends that could be more" zone. Unlike the typical friends only zone, here they can flirt and have fun with you and even make plans while having the "hes just a friend" excuse in the pocket ready to pull out. Women like to be guilt free about this certain zone.

If there boyfriend gets jealous or insecure about her "friends the could be more" and lays guilt upon her about it he is likely to push her away towards these said "friends" even more, which is great for her because she has a excuse to break up and have casual sex for awhile, thinking over options ect.. Women are very social creatures, and like to establish relationships with many men. I dont think there are any set rules, but in general I find the above to be the most common case.

I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days, and yeah, I think this is what I'm experiencing.

 

[Cyc]

If she drops the line, just laugh then say "are you sick of him yet?".

This is the type of line that sounds cute in your head, but girls will resent you for, even if they can see you're joking. Because kidding or not, you've basically just called "bullshit" on their clumsy attempt to set boundaries.

Don't get me wrong, most of the time the 'bf drop' is pretentious boner-shrinking bullshit, but you just have to grin and bear it, because even though they've basically went out of their way to reject you before you've even decided whether you like them or not, their intent isn't to be insulting.

Take the high road on this one. Ignore it and just move the conversation forward.