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Girlfriend was seeing other guys before we were official

A

alcoholic333

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2006
Messages
268
Location
Los angeles
So the girl I've been seeing for a few months now, it is great. When we first starting seeing each other I was supposed to leave for 2 months after our first date so we both thought it wouldn't lead anywhere

Anyway in the beginning we had sex like 7 out of 9 days I first started seeing her. A little while ago I found out she hooked up with her ex a week after our first time having sex.

A month later we had a talk saying we are official and won't see other people. The thing Is I know she didn't do anything wrong like cheating but I kinda feel hurt that she saw another guy after we had spent almost every day together for a week.

After I found out I got mad at her but she had a fair point that she didn't know that we were gunna end up having such a good connection and thought it was just a fling.

My feelings are just kinda hurt that she didn't tell me she wasn't only seeing me. Now after a few months everything is perfect and I know she only wants me and tells me all the time. Would you be angry? I am just gunna have to let it go right and eventually I won't be bothered by it? I feel bad for getting angry at her about it
 
That's really not much overlap. And sex with an ex is so common..and imo better an ex than her just looking for sex.

Ppl relapse with their exes like drugs... I'd try to cool out and enjoy the makeup guilt BJs...
 
Ya I guess now that I think more about it I was just a guy who had been in her life for a week or two, I also had a very sleazy past couple years being with a different girl a month.

This guy and her had dated for 6 months a few years before and he had to leave the country so they broke it off, she told me she had to see him to see if there was anything and after that she said she knew she only wanted me, it was a mistake and two weeks later told me she wanted to be my gf and be exclusive.

I guess it's my fault for not askin her if we were exclusive after just two weeks but at the time I thought i was leaving and nothing would come of it

Things are good now and I have a gut feeling she wouldn't betray my trust so I think I gotta let it go, she technically didn't do anything wrong right? It just hurt my feelings a little but that's my issue
 
Well,
you already seem to know everything that anybody can tell you in here.

all i can say is to psycho-delve into yourself, and try to figure out where these feelings are coming from.
 
What's more important is the "now" and this is what you should focus on. She didn't cheat on you and you weren't official at that time but what's important is that she chose you over her ex so make the most of it in this relationship. If you think that ahe wouldn't cheat then its a good thing right? Just let it go :)
 
just let it go.

like she said, she didn't realize that you'd end up together, and now she's happy with just you.

if you continue to push the issue, it may upset her to the point where she doesn't want to pursue anything further with you because the jealous, no-right-to-be-mad attitude could give her a glimpse into what the future with you might be like.
 
what good will it do to fixate upon it? it wont change it, so you need to change how you feel about it, by seeing the situation for what it was and what it is now

as other have said- live in the now and enjoy what you currently have
 
Look, it's natural to feel a little hurt because no one really likes thinking about their significant other fucking someone else but being angry about something like this is totally irrational. Fortunately for you, you recognize that really strong, negative feelings regarding something like this aren't exactly acceptable.

You'll get over it. Don't let it fester and cause other issues in the mean time though. Seriously, it's no big deal. She's a big girl and you guys weren't official. She was free to fuck whoever she wanted (as were you). Process these feelings, get them off your chest by journaling or talking to someone, and move on. The sooner you do it, the better. Sitting around and thinking about this isn't going to accomplish anything.
 
Maya said:
What's more important is the "now" and this is what you should focus on. She didn't cheat on you and you weren't official at that time but what's important is that she chose you over her ex so make the most of it in this relationship. If you think that ahe wouldn't cheat then its a good thing right? Just let it go :)
Click to expand...
These r wise words..I can relate to guy tho a lil..I'm in a similar situation atm, just not w an ex..
 
alcoholic333 said:
Ya I guess now that I think more about it I was just a guy who had been in her life for a week or two, I also had a very sleazy past couple years being with a different girl a month.

This guy and her had dated for 6 months a few years before and he had to leave the country so they broke it off, she told me she had to see him to see if there was anything and after that she said she knew she only wanted me, it was a mistake and two weeks later told me she wanted to be my gf and be exclusive.

I guess it's my fault for not askin her if we were exclusive after just two weeks but at the time I thought i was leaving and nothing would come of it

Things are good now and I have a gut feeling she wouldn't betray my trust so I think I gotta let it go, she technically didn't do anything wrong right? It just hurt my feelings a little but that's my issue
Click to expand...

Yeah, brother. You know what's up...

It sounds to me like she's all about you now, so, whatever she might have done when you two weren't yet exclusive... pfft... it's nothing.
 
I kind of get why you'd feel a little hurt but, come on, you don't know the friendship/friends-with-benefits/casual relationship is even gonna go anywhere for the first few months. I dunno... for the first few months with my boyfriend, I definitely didn't know it'd last this long aha.... we weren't exclusive for a while!
 
I would personally be upset in spite of knowing its a valid reason. Nothing you can really do about that. And thats the thing with women in whom have histrionic tendencies is that they can act bat-shit insane and bring home a different guy every day of the week while another guy in a similar circumstance will go home alone and masturbate with his tears. It's not fair, man.


Dont worry about it, alcoholic333. What matters is your present relationship and commitment with each-other as you control it, not what a past uncontrollable fact dictates.
 
One should assume any attractive person is seeing other people and getting hit on (or hitting on others) with regularly, whether you are "dating" or not. If you are not "official," it is open season.

I have no qualms with this and fully embrace it. It is a trial run to see whether you are dedicated relationship material.
 
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