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Girlfriend wants to re-enact her molestation/ rape

Agree with the majority: this sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Not only do I doubt that reenacting this will provide any measure of catharsis, but you're personally opposed to it, and she is clearly far away from even disconnecting herself from the experience as many abused people do. The fact that a TV show upset her so badly strongly suggests to me that a real-life simulation of it will be far worse; for all you know she may be subconsciously setting you up for rejection out of a fear of intimacy, disguised as "I had no idea it would be so horrible for you to even pretend that." Suppose she reacts by doing things to you that she wishes she could have done to her father, now or then, if you catch my drift...

Put your foot down and say no. I'd be very surprised if therapy or psychiatry didn't alleviate her condition at least a little, but if not, a reenactment certainly won't. That there are those who can compare a tragic situation like this to harmless "You've been a naughty little cheerleader"-like bedroom games is beyond me.
 
Don't cave - don't play this out if you don't feel comfortable (which it seems like you don't). Try to find something else to help her. Has she only been seeing one therapist? Get a psychologist - they can help more. May cost some money but hey if it makes her feel better, go for it.

I can't see a real life simulation helping that situation at all!
 
Have you thought about speaking to her therapist yourself? Explaining to him/her that this is what she wants you to do, this is how you feel, and what they think would be the best way to deal with this situation.

IMO, you should always go with your gut. Even for yourself, if something makes you feel deeply uncomfortable and you're only considering it because you're being guilted and emotionally blackmailed into it, then you shouldn't do it. Especially in this particular situation where trust is the issue.

The fact that she told you in the first place shows that she has a certain level of trust with you so. She's probably in a place where it would be very hard to deal with her having her trust violated. Keep whatever boundaries you need to maintain that trust, for both your sakes.

Best of luck OP.
 
StaySedated said:
thats a bit fucked up, she really should try therapy.
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no its very common for people who have been through violent and or sexual trauma to seek out ways to re-live it...it sounds fucked up but its very normal, very freudian "death drive-esque" behavior
 
my ex girlfriend had been raped a fair few times when she was younger and she was into s + m and all sorts of kinky, bondage, violent sex like no other girl in this world.

When ever I made slow passionate love to her she didnt like it one bit, the harder n faster the better :-)
 
Fair enough your girl might think this will help her BUT in the long run it could effect you and mess your head up big time

If you are not comfortable with this do not do it
 
piebald said:
no its very common for people who have been through violent and or sexual trauma to seek out ways to re-live it...it sounds fucked up but its very normal, very freudian "death drive-esque" behavior
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^ This.

With disturbing life experiences come disturbing ways for the human animal to attempt to 'cope'. Although I do not agree that it would (by any means) alleviate all her problems in regards to her unsavoury past, it has been proven that her desire is normal for someone in her circumstance. People who have been through sexually traumatic experiences often want the 'control' of being able to initiate a similar situation. The act of being able to say internally "I am doing this on my own terms; I AM IN CONTROL of this situation" is very relieving to many trauma victims. Granted, I am no mental health care professional, nor are many of the others here on Bluelight. Even then, mental health care professionals can only do so much. Many victims of severe trauma will still sexually desire reliving that trauma in some way, shape, or form. Even after 'therapy'. Although I do undoubtedly feel some sort of therapy is needed in her case, I will not sit here and tell you that it will alleviate her desire to follow through with such an act. Many cases of abuse take quite a bit of time to heal from. Unfortunately, most severe sexual trauma cases will also never completely dissipate. With that said, many people are still left with these peculiar sexual fantasies, fetishes, ect.

My advice to you would be to hold off for quite some time from said 'fantasy' (possibly forever if her mental state does not improve). I would also strongly encourage her to seek help—address the issue that is the root of all of this. The end result may or may not leave this situation still in the picture. If it remains, please simply keep in mind that although this is a far cry from 'normal' sounding, it is a normal desire in her case. Hopefully, within time, if the desire remains, she will at least know the root of it (as well as be able to handle the situation with a clearer head). Then, if either one of you decide to pursue this, it will become more of a sexual fetish and less of an emotional band-aid. This is undoubtedly a tricky situation, but it is not anything that hasn't happened and been conquered before. Best of luck to the both of you!
 
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As someone who has been raped by a parental figure myself, I would never think of attempting to reenact a rape scene. I am a freak in bed, but if the play even drifts that direction, I stop it cold. I think she is only wanting this acting out as a test to really see if she can handle it, to test her own will. I know how I feel, but who really knows what she is truly feeling about the whole rape thing with her father at all. I would really sit down with her and pry her open mentally and emotionally and try and get to the bottom of what she is really looking for out of this and why she wants it so badly. I know you aren't a shrink yourself, but you are her boyfriend, and she should be willing to open up about this considering she wants you and trusts you enough to be a part of this with her. If she can really open up to you about it, it might allow you to see other possible ways of helping her, or it might actually make you comfortable with helping her as she has requested. Good luck!
 
I undrstand what ur gf is going through. I had aerly severe sexual trauma and I always in some way made my boyfriend reinact my past trauma - all played along. We all though we wre doing the right thing but my sex life was not good and I was pro e to flashbacks and could never cum ouT of some weird guilt. Then I met my current bf and he tried the normal things (tying up, talking down, roleplaying, belt lashings) and he could never get into it and it was the first time that ever happened. We tried a couple more times and I realized I never liked it! It was replaying everything because it was what I knew. It completely changed my sexlife forever and I will always be greatful for being shown that it is possible for a normal sexlife! He didn't want to tie me up. BecaUse he wanted me touching him . It didn't bring him joy to hurt me. It wasn't a sexual turn on to have power o er me. I never thought it was possible. I hope this helps even. Tho it's not direct advise
 
no its very common for people who have been through violent and or sexual trauma to seek out ways to re-live it...it sounds fucked up but its very normal, very freudian "death drive-esque" behavior
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This one of the best pieces of info I have seen on this thread. So true.

You see this type of behavior with traumatized war veterans. During Vietnam tons of veterans kept reenlisting to go back into combat because they felt the need to relive the horror they went through. Sometimes these Veterans would try to redeem themselves on the battle field, saving comrades lives, acting without any regard to themselves. Other times they would lose it and go berserk endangering everybody around them.

Point is though they all felt the need to confront what traumatized them. Your GF is trying to do the same thing. How it would play out I have no idea. But like others have said before she just wants some control. To face her demons and perhaps defeat them. Whether she loses or wins is entirely up to her.
 
whats she wants is to take control of what happened.
Like others have said.. it could go really bad. or it could be okay.. i think you should stay true to yourself. maybe agree to an alternate fantasy role play situation.
If she feels that strongly about it, don't ignore it what ever you do as she may seek out other helpers.

good luck and kudos to you for sticking with her. a lot of fucked up shit out there.. but it could be what bonds you together for ever.. or something. again all the best.
 
While it is admirable that you are considering all options in terms of trying to help her, have you considered what might happen to you? What if something goes wrong or affects you in a really traumatic or embedded sense during this roleplay, which may very well affect the way you feel about her (not to mention yourself or any other person you may be in a relationship with into the future)?

If you feel strong enough to go through this with her, her way with her rules and are confident you will come out the other side the same or better than when you started the roleplay, then more power to you. However, it is also true that you will not know how you will be until after the actual event - perhaps not immediately, but certainly after a while.

Like most others here, I am no psychiatrist, but I would recommend sounding out a reputable one with expertise in this kind of area (if possible?), then engage in the counselling sessions if it is thought to be a good idea by the professional and by your GF.

Good luck and keep us posted. :)
 
I didn't even read any other posts on this one and I'm sure it's been said, but I would have to say fuck no don't do that. Again if you have posted since the title it still doesn't change anything. Don't do that. I haven't done that with a chick, but I am under the impression that EVERY chick has been molested or raped???? I don't know what's up with that, but yea... You don't want that image of you in your girls mind. Any ladies want to explain the "every girl I have met has been molested or raped" phenomena??? You are gonna do what you want man. Just be safe!!!!!!!


J
 
piebald said:
no its very common for people who have been through violent and or sexual trauma to seek out ways to re-live it...it sounds fucked up but its very normal, very freudian "death drive-esque" behavior
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It's pretty common yes, but it's not necessarily at all healthy. Does it SOUND healthy to you?! It's trying to cope and have control of what happened, instead of actually dealing with it, and putting it to bed...so to speak.

Perpetuating that sort of thing is not healthy at all. OP this was almost a year ago - what happened?
 
This kind of sexual desire is a pathology, and should not be indulged. I can almost guarantee you it will end badly. She needs therapy, friend, to address these problems with a professional who is equipped with the proper tools to help her address the problems. You do not have these tools. It sounds like the molestation is one psychological problem among many, and there is likely a wide spectrum of issues she needs help with. This kind of help is not to be found in some perverse rape re-enactment. I implore you, encourage her to seek professional help.
 
as the dissenting supreme court judge Suter I respectful dissent and say you should go ahead and do it.

she's an adult and knows what's she's doing. as you said she's a therapist and thus even has an idea about these things. You should plan though for the utter breakdown and emotional outburst (probably violent psychotic level extreme). I would have on hand some Valium.

Though I don't think it'll do much good.

I've been in a very similar situation, culturally as well etc (without knowing it) and it wasn't the reenactment that brought things to a head. it was a much larger life event (having a kid) that really result in reconciliation and forgiveness. heavy shit and all but you don't always need to run to a therapist (how ironic) when you have to deal with shit in your life. send me a PM if you want to talk about it.
 
I really don't think you should do it. Sure, she's an adult and can make her own decisions, but it would not be healthy. Most of the recent literature I've seen on the subject has shown that reliving the trauma is actually not beneficial, and only serves to strengthen those memories. I think the last thing I've read was a study of people that had gone into therapy to recover from stress and anxiety caused by 9/11 - those that went into therapies where they were made to go back and repeat the event over and over again did much worse than people who did not do that in their therapy.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you should support her in trying to get past this terrible thing that happened to her, but this is not it. If this sparked a breakdown, you would probably blame yourself for it - and she may as well, even though it was her idea.
 
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