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Girlfriend and jealousy issues

SteeleyJ

SteeleyJ

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My girlfriend of 5 years is still very insecure of other females, just today someone i used to know messaged me on facebook and she acted like it was me and told her to basically fuck off. I told her just to ignore it but she got mad and messaged her back. :| I don't know what to do about the jealousy issues...even after all this time being faithful, it just doesn't make sense. I do love her but damn. Any input guys?
 
dont do that OP ^^^, more than likely she's been cheated on in the past, which will make her very insecure and scared about losing you, not only losing you, but losing you unexpectedly, in a shitty manner....

If theres nothing to hide, than leave your phone, Facebook, emails, etc, open for her to check, if she so desires when it goes in a panic...panic can rule your life and make you do things you wouldn't normally do....i have paranoid suspicions of my girl also

do i think invading peoples privacy like that is right? Helllll No i hate it when i can tell that my girls been in my phone or something, but if it quells that insecurity she feels, and I'm not really cheating anyway, just mild flirting at most then whats the big deal.....if she does check it and doesn't find anything too bad, then the next time she won't think as bad thoughts, and so on, so on...

Now she needs to realize theres a big difference in cheating and talking and flirting...the degree of tolerance of the latter depends on the relationship, but I've learned that if I'm not doing nothing wrong then why hide shit and tell her to fuck off....now thats assuming she isn't a crazy motherfucker that has a lock of your hair around her neck like a rabbits foot or something hahahaa
 
Sit her down and have a real conversation with her. Tell her that you see behavior like that as a problem and that you're concerned about her being overly jealous. Just talk with her about it, but calmly. Don't get her defensive.
 
Most times something like that occurs she is projecting her behaviour onto you.. There's a good chance that she is cheating.
 
I have no conclusive answer to your problem. I was in a similar situation.

For future situations I'd try to do as follows:
Elaborate once or twice on your attitude on faithfulness.
Then announce (and do in fact) ignoring her with the aim to change that behavior if jealousy comes up.

I heard (and think it plausible in some way) that "people are afraid of others to do, of what they might do to others themselves".
 
bunnymunro said:
Most times something like that occurs she is projecting her behavior onto you.. There's a good chance that she is cheating.
Click to expand...
This is entirely possible. I had a situation like this my self, one of my exes was constantly monitoring my email/IM /cell you name it, what it turned into was me having to sit her down and explaining that I would never cheat on her, and having her come out and say she was cheating on me, and feeling guilty and hoping that I was doing the same. Point being MR.Scag has the right idea sit her down and talk it out. The only way to get her to lay off is to let her know that she can trust you and that you trust her, thats what it sounds like she has a trust issue. That or a guilty conscience either way mate good luck.
 
oatmeal cookie said:
If theres nothing to hide, than leave your phone, Facebook, emails, etc, open for her to check, if she so desires when it goes in a panic...panic can rule your life and make you do things you wouldn't normally do....i have paranoid suspicions of my girl also
Click to expand...

No, this is bullshit, akin to the police and their 'You have nothing to hide then you don't mind us taking away your liberties'. She didn't just have a pang of jealousy and check his messages, she went out of her way to pretend she was him and tell one of his friends to fuck off. There is no justification for this IMO (My ex used to do it to me as well).

I agree that OP should sit down and talk to her, but they should be firm in saying that behaviour like hers in unacceptable for any reason.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Sit her down and have a real conversation with her. Tell her that you see behavior like that as a problem and that you're concerned about her being overly jealous. Just talk with her about it, but calmly. Don't get her defensive.
Click to expand...
And if this doesn't work, run away.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
Sit her down and have a real conversation with her. Tell her that you see behavior like that as a problem and that you're concerned about her being overly jealous. Just talk with her about it, but calmly. Don't get her defensive.
Click to expand...

Yeah, no kidding, I agree completely.

OP, have you actually had a real conversation with her about jealousy? I am presuming you trust her completely. After five years, it really should be complete trust.
 
Setting appropriate boundaries in the beginning I think is essential for a healthy secure relationship. If the boundaries just aren't there, work on it but slowly to not make things worse. jealousy issues don't always mean your partner doesn't trust you, or that they're projecting their own behaviors. Past sexual abuse as a child and as a teenager has brought jealousy and security issues into almost all my relationships. When I start to snoop, especially if it's forgive and allowed, it becomes impulsive for me. I hate myself when I do it, which makes me try to justify it and I do it more.

not saying at all that your girlfriend was sexually abused. But it can be something unrelated to your relationship.

Confront your girlfriend about messaging your friend as you. get pissed off. Potentially isolating you from your friends, and for sure isolating herself from your friends plus looking like a jerk isn't going to make anything better. she needs to recognize that.
 
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more than likely she's been cheated on in the past, which will make her very insecure and scared about losing you,
Click to expand...

she has.

If theres nothing to hide, than leave your phone, Facebook, emails, etc, open for her to check, if she so desires when it goes in a panic...panic can rule your life and make you do things you wouldn't normally do....i have paranoid suspicions of my girl also
Click to expand...

I do, i also took 95% of females off my facebook. she has passwords to all of it.
 
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There's a good chance that she is cheating.
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no, we spend all day together most days, she really is my best friend.


have you actually had a real conversation with her about jealousy? I am presuming you trust her completely.
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I have in the past, but she tends to get defensive about it. I try to tell her that she has nothing to worry about and that jealousy is really hindering our relationship. It really is too, i mean when I talk to another female she always presumes i was flirting because I am a nice guy. She says i am too nice to females but i see no real difference in the way i treat males and females other than slight ones like holding doors open and such ( way i was raised. )
 
So what if an ex-boyfriend cheated on her, that has nothing to do with you. What she did to your facebook friend was inexcusable and immature. And why should you have to delete 95% of your female friends? She still will never be happy with you if she's not happy with herself.
 
bunnymunro said:
Most times something like that occurs she is projecting her behaviour onto you.. There's a good chance that she is cheating.
Click to expand...

i was thinking this too

its a possibility to note. if your relationship cannot function without living in each others pocket then on some level it has an unhealthy undertone

i don't buy that she isn't messing around. people always think others are like them. distrustful people think everyone else is out to screw them and very honest idealistic sorts often cant see the bad in others.
 
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