I am starting to believe in incorrect set of cognitions, it is not leaving me alone, exposing me to breaking and adopting it as truth. I don't even know if it is incorrect anymore, but I believe it is when I am high on weed, but I also tend to give people too much benefit of doubt high.
#JustanotherdayofOCPD'rnotbeingabletonotmakeeverythingaproblem
We all have thousands of thoughts pass through our minds every day. Some of them are ridiculous or crazy garbage and we can try to recognise these thoughts and not get attached to them or bogged down in them.
Easier said than done, but I have dabbled with some basic introductory level ideas of meditation - just sometimes consciously using ones capacity to observe ones thoughts, without getting caught up in them, and found this extremely useful.
I guess ideally we'd have this kind of detached self awareness of our thoughts going on all the time.
(Ekkhart Tolle describes it his books about how he went through a stage of thinking "I can not live with myself". And so he deduced there must be 2 selves, The "I" that could not live with his "self". Tbh I didn't get what he was trying to say, and he's too mystical and woo woo for me, and as much as I'd like to understand what he's trying to say and to impliment it, I just cannot follow him. And ive made a terrible job of trying to summarise what he was saying. But basically he was able to discard the suicidally depressed and anxious version of himself as he came to the realisation that that was not himself!
Maybe he just meant that the "I" that is capabable of being self aware of one's own thoughts, is separate from the "self" that is comprised of ones thoughts. Not sure. It sounds pretty deep and mind blowing imho. Although it could just be new age woo woo nonsense. His books tend to be highly rated though, so the jury is out I guess.
He said that once he realised this he just sat on park benches for 12 months feeling profoundly free and happy!)
I should really get much deeper into the less woo woo or new age aspects of meditaion, just for the sake of improving my self awareness of my thinking, as it could help me loads, as I go through periods of forgetting about all this stuff, and end up getting bogged down in my thoughts, and it's really not good when they are negative, destructive, or anxious, spirals of doom. Even If I just observed my thoughts and let them go, for 5 minutes each day as I've started doing recently on a brief 5 minute walk I have through some woods before I start work. It helps clear my mind off all the shite, before I start my working day
Weed is definitely a wild card in this whole thing, as it increases the capacity massively for completely random, sometimes completely nonsensical thoughts. Sometimes it can lead to new insights regarding old memories or ongoing issues though.
I kind of went over the edge at one point in my late teens by taking paranoia based weed thoughts far too seriously, and that amongst other things quite seriosuly fucked over my mental health for some time.