SpongeBob SquarePants is on meth amphetamines. He’s always really, really happy, energetic, and occasionally paranoid. If he ever is in a bad mood, it’s the result of a major crash. He goes from really happy to really sad or really angry. There’s no middle ground. Patrick Star is a stoner. He laughs at stupid things and eats all the time. He must go through, like, a pound of weed a week. Squidward Tenticle is on heroin. He’s always down and he yells at SpongeBob for being hyped up and energetic. Mr. Krab is on coke. He’s really uppity and he’s always concerned about money — coke is expensive. Sandy Cheeks is just an alcoholic. She ruins every episode she’s in because she’s always drinking.