I had about 1 hour sleep earlier this night and haven't been able to get back to sleep and am feeling very fuckin grouchy. Things from the past that made me furious have appeared in the forefront of my mind, and i've been effing and blinding and tossing and turning for about 6 hours. Plus i literally have a pain in the arse which isn't helping. (I'm sure anyone reading really wanted to know that) I know some hard liquor would do the trick sleepwise, but i don't particulary want to risk dying of a downer overdose. I daren't take any more downers for that reason, I've already had about 15 etizolams, several pregabalins, 2 zopiclones, even resorted to half a largactil. WTFF is going on.
Its broad daylight outside but i cant see the sun though there's not a cloud in the sky. Weird. I should do something like drive to snowdon and get there bright and early and have the roads and the mountain all to myself, I'd love that, but for the fear all the downers would suddenly kick in to disasterous effects on the journey as i wouldn't be able to resist bombing along at 90 mph an hour on deserted roads. Im not that stupid or reckless. But a deserted early morning Snowdon would be magical. I'd be too late for the sunrise which would have been even more so. We're forecast at least 3 glorious sunny days. I'll probably catch up on my sleep outside in the sun later on today, and either turn brown as a nut, or red as a lobster.
Im glad i got up and distracted myself on here though. There's no point lying in bed for hours when you cant sleep. I think the pregs have killed the arse pain. It's a little known condition called Proctalgia fugax which nearly always strikes at night or after sex. They say there's no cure for it. Forgive my delusions of grandeur, but ive possibly just found the cure, get up, take 4 pregabalins, and a little later the pain has gone. I ought to send that finding off somewhere for rigorous scientific testing. Wouldn't know where to send it do though. Could i make some cash, if it really does work ? Maybe i've just lost the plot through lack of sleep, and the pain has just subsided of it's own accord..
The only good thing is i don't have a job to go to tomorrow. For a while i used to stay up all night taking benzos and smoking cannabinoids and then go to work the next day using stims, but that very quickly brought me about '' that close to my second nervous breakdown. Its no big deal i suppose, just gonna fuck up my sleeping pattern for a few days. Whinge whinge whinge. I thought i said i don't do self pity. Bah more self delusions.
