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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CXXXIX : Did Ye Aye?

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Found some Etizolam behind my cupboard last night (fuck knows how it got there) and then some Pyrazolam sat next to a charity bag full of clothes for some reason this morning. I fucking KNEW I'd lost one and not just eaten it! Had 10mg Etiz last night and spent the hour before sleep nodding off while texting my missus then slept right through til 10am. However just re-read the texts and ate the pyraz instead of saving it for sleep because turns out, after I planned to come stay on Monday, her sister will be staying with her til Weds :/ I've never met her sister, I know she has no problem with The Gays as a people but by her own admission does not want m'lady to become one so uhh...tryin to decide what to do. On the one hand it's silly for me to sack it off, on the other hand I get anxious going to the shop on my own sometimes and I don't want to spend three days being incredibly aware of my own behaviour so basically what I'm going to do is turn my phone off for the day and pretend it's not happening and it's not a big issue, which it isn't. I just don't want to deal with it today. I'd like to meet the woman, but not for three days straight.
 
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Mailmonkey said:
chinup that sounds shit. Can't say any more than that :(

Dan fuck the oxy off.

You seem to have a lot of negatives about almost every drug you use, oxy and meph in particular, but you keep doing them.
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eh??? i love booze, dont mind the hangovers, i love meph, hate the comedowns, i love valium and the days after, love md, dont mind the comedowns, love 6-apb, the comedowns can be a cunt, i love dmt, oxy is mainly overrated expensive wank, but its alright sometimes. i love good drugs, hate shit ones being passed off as good ones
 
the meph you bought was utter wank "not a touch on what [you] bought before"

but the stuff you had before you kept saying it was weird too, and weren't happy with. In fact I can't remember you ever being happy with any meph you've bought.

I think you are looking for something from meph that you're not going to find. You're, looking for 2009 ColtDan and the times you had, not the drug you associate with those times. Those times are gone. if that makes any sense.
 
I've found that with all recreational drugs really, good times at first, then there comes a point where the good times are well and truly over, and are just not coming back. MDMA being a prime case in point.
 
what? the last stuff i got was fucking flying for hours. pre ban buzzing. nothing weird about it at all. until i mixed it with ket, then it became weird
 
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Ceres said:
I've found that with all recreational drugs really, good times at first, then there comes a point where the good times are well and truly over, and are just not coming back. MDMA being a prime case in point.
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the magical times are over, the good times are far from over
 
makes sense. but now this is the point where you gotta be careful and be aware of the next logical progression, which is the beginning of the bad times. oxy and diazepam are prime candidates for speeding up the arrival of the end of good times. be careful.
 
Ceres said:
I can relate to that, having been tortured by my own emotions this week, making sense of things and letting time pass is the only thing that is helping really. That and burying my head in work to take my mind off things... and apply myself to some intellectually demanding work. Guilt is a useful emotion ... and then it it's just not good for anything except fucking you up, hard to let it go, but does go eventually.

I normally have a good handle on my emotions but sometimes stuff happens out of the blue or that is a serious aberration in terms of what you are usually equipped to cope with.

...oh and MUSIC helps so much.[/url]
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thanks for such an insightful post. i'm able to use work for a distraction too, it really helps to have some positive escapism!

this came totally out of the blue, it doesn't help that i am seriously low and stressed right now, totally at the limit of what i can cope with so anything on top breaks me.

have decided to just try and explain calmly how i feel when he gets up. if i try to bury it, i will possibly explode and make everything worse, or just build up more resentment. i feel much less guilty having made this decision, there's still a chance i'll ruin his day but i think this minimises it.

music certainly does help!!
 
oh definately get it out in the open if you can, letting it fester is the worst, I do that all the time with challenging things I don't feel up to facing, and end up getting worked up into a state about it for days and days, but in most cases, when it comes to the crunch things turn out to be less bad that I'd conned myself into imaging. Worst case scenarios come naturally to me unfortunately.
 
chinup said:
i hear ya.

discovered i'm neither the person i want to be or thought i was. its my boyfriends birthday today. my life utterly imploded the week before mine due to him getting in trouble, it was one of the most miserable days of my life. come the day, no card, no present, no even 'happy birthday' til he dragged himself out of bed at 1pm.

i thought i was a big enough person to rise above that hurt and anger to try and help him have a wonderful today. i chose buying him stuff over me having money to celebrate one of the biggest days of my life next monday. i woke up today and thats gone and all i have is rage and pre emptive guilt about ruining his day.
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Sounds shite .

Birfdays are are over rated anyway .

Mailmonkey said:
chinup that sounds shit. Can't say any more than that :(

Dan fuck the oxy off.

You seem to have a lot of negatives about almost every drug you use, oxy and meph in particular, but you keep doing them.
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Yeah he's right Dan , Oxy in particular . It's expensive n obviously doesn't agree with you spend teh cash on something you actually really like init .
 
yeah i have been. im in no rush to get any. been spending money on things i enjoy more. but i have a little craving for it. why am i wanting something i find to be mainly shite. some subconcious things doing some tricks
 
the worst thing about birthdays is being coerced into interacting with people and deal with them being artificially nice to you, fuck it offffff
 
I really don't see the point of birthdays (unless you're a child) or anniversaries for that matter, or mother's day or father's day etc.
 
Hahah I never get wrecked on my birthday, usually just stay at home and avoid people and carry with life as normal.
 
Birthdays lose there meaning the older you get. I've got a little girl so obviously all our efforts go into that.

She went to a birthday party recently where they went horse riding. Well I say horse riding they were paraded round a small paddock on those little horses. She loved it though. Her face getting her riding helmet and boots on. She was a bit scared at the thought of being near the horses but by the end she was feeding them. It was ace.
 
I like celebrating other peoples, but never liked celebrating mine

might do a bomb of 4-FA or something. hmm
 
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