Hello good folk of EADD. I'm bereft of cheer and tanked up on etizolam and codeine. I am actually heavily sedated so please excuse the lack of flair or something. I've Recently returned from OZ, for a while there it really looked like I'd broken through, sacked of all the shite and was sitting on top. Landed a really well paid job, I was sponsored to 2016, my best friend was a hilarious stripper/call girl who introduced my to some eye opening situations. I'd a great bunch of heads all of us in the same boat trying to make a go of things on the bottom of the world. In 15 short months I managed to put down some roots (and a substantial bond on an apartment that was sacrificed on what I call black Monday).
Then I met T, or rather T meet me. She was a operations manager, I was top sales person in the solar company. T liked me, I liked T, T liked ice and then I liked ice. In 2 months the situation had spiralled out of control. 3 day sessions in hotels in china town rolled over to mid week use, which inevitably turned into extended lunch breaks and getting caught fucking in work. I was severely warned. There was jealously as well. T was the prize pony in the male dominated solar farmyard and this immigrant rocking up to the very top of the sales board attracted a kind of negative attention I wasn't accustom too. I hadn't held down a 9-5 in 7 years before this role. Office politics were and still remain a mystery to me.
Then there was the drinks party/BBQ on Sunday. I am a horrendous drinker. I gouged myself on exotic canapés and bottle after bottle of wine. It was a family affair. The big bosses birthday in an enormous mansion in one of the most exclusive suburbs in Melbourne. There was an altercation. When I drink I develop a strong Belfast accent, I can also, on occasion develop cuntish tendencies. So when my boss criticised an email I sent in error calling a client a charm school drop out and utter melter (it was ment for customer services not the customer- I wasn't in a great frame of mind when it was sent, but it was an accident) I proceeded to tell him that he was constantly out to get me - tbh I was that smashed I don't really know what I said, but I do know fair digs were offered - and at a corporate event with children present, this is not the way to conduct oneself.
Monday. Monday from hell. I could see them talking, I was a little tweaked but knew I wasn't being paranoid. Bad vibes, furtive derisive glances. Then 5pm I was given le boot. This was a big boot, this was a 16,000 mile boot in the hole. The whole thing was largely a set up. The whole solar industry had been on a government funded gravy train for some years. And all that gravy had been guzzled up. Sales were 47% below projections for that month and with further subsidy cuts impacting next year people had to go. I was the only one still on probation. Expendable. 28days to get convince someone to invest $4/5k in sponsoring you when your not provided a reference is no easy task. Well that's not entirely true. T, although she dropped me pretty much like a toxic potato, did provide me a false reference claiming I still worked there which allowed me to obtain a decent sized personal loan. She also took a massive risk in collecting and forwarding me as many sales reports she could get her hands on. We're still friends- just about. So I spent those 28 days partying like a man possessed, went to bush doofs, festivals in the outback. Clubbing in Sydney, snorkelled the great barrier reef where I achieved a very intimate moment with a green horn turtle.
Then all to soon it was time to say goodbye, clamber into the belly of that metal eagle and return to the cold and the northern. Just in time for some riots over a flag. How depressing. I'm staying in tonight half by choice, half by necessity. I never had a huge network of friends at home - 5 years of playing poker professionally doesn't lend itself to sociability. But the few I have didn't remain in stasis. They are engaged, enveloped in a love that never blossomed between T and I or my exotic dancing friend. 3's a crowd. And I don't have the energy to rekindle acquaintances on such a significant occasion.
I had planned without a shadow of a doubt to return to OZ in Jan, but learn't over the festive period that my mother's cancer scare is no longer a scare. It would take a hard heart to jump ship at this stage. It was shocking to see how far she has deteriorated. Still. I can't really complain. I've a lot on my side. Nabbing that bank loan before spliting the country was one of my brighter ideas. I just want to get away again. Can't though. Can I? If I can't find decent work I cannot stay. Damn i'm pretty sedated. Happy New year everyone. I've very much enjoyed you all these past few years.