yeah chronic depression, major depressive disorder, permanent cup half empty outlook bullshit.
I don't feel normal when things are going well. I feel like it's all going to collapse at any moment and something terrible is going to wrong, or that there is a mistake somewhere that I'm missing.
Sometimes, I suppose I just have to admit, things really *do* go well once in a while. But it's like I'm preprogrammed to feel guily about that. Probably psychologically rooted in adolescent emotional trauma at the hands of the state school system and 80's/90's british society.
Also seasonal affective disorder is very real.
The way I like to look at the interaction between mental wellbeing and medication, is to see my mind as being like a pool of water, and every extra pill or chemical I take is like throwing a rock into it. Sometimes there is no wind to cause a ripple on the surface and the odd pebble needs to be chucked in to stir things up, but too many and it just turns into a chaotic mess. So I don't favour fucking with things too much and am loath to try yet another pill to sort this out.
I don't feel normal when things are going well. I feel like it's all going to collapse at any moment and something terrible is going to wrong, or that there is a mistake somewhere that I'm missing.
Sometimes, I suppose I just have to admit, things really *do* go well once in a while. But it's like I'm preprogrammed to feel guily about that. Probably psychologically rooted in adolescent emotional trauma at the hands of the state school system and 80's/90's british society.
Also seasonal affective disorder is very real.
The way I like to look at the interaction between mental wellbeing and medication, is to see my mind as being like a pool of water, and every extra pill or chemical I take is like throwing a rock into it. Sometimes there is no wind to cause a ripple on the surface and the odd pebble needs to be chucked in to stir things up, but too many and it just turns into a chaotic mess. So I don't favour fucking with things too much and am loath to try yet another pill to sort this out.
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