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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CLXXXI - Is it Christmas yet?

yeah chronic depression, major depressive disorder, permanent cup half empty outlook bullshit.

I don't feel normal when things are going well. I feel like it's all going to collapse at any moment and something terrible is going to wrong, or that there is a mistake somewhere that I'm missing.

Sometimes, I suppose I just have to admit, things really *do* go well once in a while. But it's like I'm preprogrammed to feel guily about that. Probably psychologically rooted in adolescent emotional trauma at the hands of the state school system and 80's/90's british society.

Also seasonal affective disorder is very real.

The way I like to look at the interaction between mental wellbeing and medication, is to see my mind as being like a pool of water, and every extra pill or chemical I take is like throwing a rock into it. Sometimes there is no wind to cause a ripple on the surface and the odd pebble needs to be chucked in to stir things up, but too many and it just turns into a chaotic mess. So I don't favour fucking with things too much and am loath to try yet another pill to sort this out.
 
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That does sound shit, Ceres. How old are you and for how long has that been your outlook?

I guess I'm sort of late with doing anything about my depressions, it has been getting so bad that att imes I don't trust myself to stay safe. The main lead seems to be an overcooking pot of frustration that spills into some truly nasty malicious thinking. Result is either that I'm isolating myself with a self-destructive bent or that I'm actively plotting to, well, harm others in any which way possible, preferably passing on some of my own suffering to them, decharging my own frustration, or some such nonsense :|
 
Early 30's and this has been a problem for me my whole life, it's only been as I've got a bit older and more mature that I've begun learning how to manage it. My anger and frustration is all turned inwards on myself, it's never projected out towards other people. I tihnk a lot of the problem with mental health disorder is that other people in one's life don't see it as a real problem like they would someone with a missing limb for example. So people don't give you leeway, and your perceived failings manifest as guilt and self doubt. Just I'm missing the part of the personality where motivation and self confidence live.

Physical hobbies like cycling or running or other outlets like making music or art that nobody else has to see or hear, where you are doing something for the processs not the necessarily the outcome, help a lot I find. Lot better than taking it out on other people.

Another tip is nipping it in the bud before it gets too bad because it's that much harder to pick yourself up the further you fall. Talking about it too much can be counterproductive. Listening to the right music can massage my mood back onto the tracks some days as much as any drug can.
 
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Reading, composing, bouldering, cycling, have been good outlets, as well as some other solitary pursuits (no not rampant masturbation). But, life happens. nerve pain issues so can't use my bike much and have gotten physically weak in general. Concentration lacks so lots of projects are dormant or moving very slowly.
 
Yeah getting out of a rut is always a cunt but I just try to count the little steps forward and wait for them to accumulate, when I can. NMDA antagonists really help me a lot in this regard, in terms of giving me that little push forward into action.
 
The way I like to look at the interaction between mental wellbeing and medication, is to see my mind as being like a pool of water, and every extra pill or chemical I take is like throwing a rock into it. Sometimes there is no wind to cause a ripple on the surface and the odd pebble needs to be chucked in to stir things up, but too many and it just turns into a chaotic mess. So I don't favour fucking with things too much and am loath to try yet another pill to sort this out.

I'm hoping that there's a chance of the pebble hitting one of the eigenmodes of the pond, at a resonant frequency, and that this excitation can put things into motion like pushing a swing.
Thing is, you're throwing the pebbles pretty much blindly, so the probability of creating a chaotic mess seems much higher. Psychiatry protocol here is first SSRI, then tricyclic, tricyclic with lithium (or similar) added, and finally MAO inhibitors. But what if patient's serotonin system just doesn't respond very well to the type of 5HT inhibition of these meds? My doc seems unfamiliar with anything outside of the serotonin-oriented protocol. What I need is something like the afterglow of a good ketamine or MXE session. Those sort of NMDA things are coming apparently. Another route would be GABA(-B), with baclofen and pregabalin, which actually do something for my mood and they work quite rapidly too.
 
Yeah baclofen is next on my agenda. That is totally the order of things with the the NHS, I long for the day when I can get an NMDA antagonist on the NHS and don't have to bother with this grey market nonsense.
 
Quick question, I have a 510 ecig and just received a few hash/PG tincture cartridges, I now want to replace the stock battery with a variable power battery as I'd like if I can turn it up to a hotter temperature at times. Is there any must have 510-compatible battery like that?
 
Psychiatry protocol here is first SSRI, then tricyclic, tricyclic with lithium (or similar) added, and finally MAO inhibitors.

What's the point of adding lithium to a tricyclic if the tricyclic is showing signs of success?

The only point in prescribing lithium (or any anti-manic agent) on top of a tricyclic would be if the tricyclic were causing symptoms of mania, surely?
 
Doesn't lithium have some sort of antidepressant role as well? I'm not sure, I know very little about it. It's mentioned here as: lithium addition after some response to the tricyclic (but not enough), for a minimum of 2 weeks at 0,5 mmol/l, and alternatives can be "mirtazapine, mianserine of een atypisch antipsychotic" :? There's nothing specifically mentioned about mania, but there is a reference to a 2007 study that supports the augmentation of TCA with lithium http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17592920 Am not convinced.
 
I'm drunk as fuck reporting live.

I might go see a doctor but i don't want to take SSRI's

Life you deal with shit. a lot of it. it gets heavy. but i just ride it
 
Doesn't lithium have some sort of antidepressant role as well? I'm not sure, I know very little about it. It's mentioned here as: lithium addition after some response to the tricyclic (but not enough), for a minimum of 2 weeks at 0,5 mmol/l, and alternatives can be "mirtazapine, mianserine of een atypisch antipsychotic" :? There's nothing specifically mentioned about mania, but there is a reference to a 2007 study that supports the augmentation of TCA with lithium http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17592920 Am not convinced.

Lithium does have an antidepressant function, yeah, but it's usually only used as such in last-resort cases, or those where there's significant evidence of self-harm.

I see the study you linked to is a US one, which may explain a lot. Quite keen on the polypharmacy approach over there. It seems lithium would only be brought in once there was evidence the patient wasn't responding to the tricyclic. Which would (to me) beg the question - why continue with the tricyclic at all?
 
Nearly got arrested by the cops on way walking home from shopping centre. Security were following me and scoping me in the chemist then 2 gardai (cops) arrived into the sports shop and went into the back no doubt to see if i fleeced anything (as if im wearing a €350 nautica jacket ffs :-/) i got stopped down the road by them. Asked what i was doing.
me - 'walking home'
then have you anything on you ye shouldnt have?
Me - 'these jeans they look crap lol
Bit of a SMARTASS are you
was gonna say 'a bit yeah haha'
I didnt. Smell of bacon off em
 
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^
Ed, ed, ed, what ever are we going to do with you eh. Felix will be worried sick about you.

I walked out of my job this afternoon :(

Not resigned like, I said I wasn't fit for work, to be present and represent the org. I will call in sick tomorrow and get myself back in fighting mode soon hopefully. The stress has knocked me for 6, I need some time away to recalculate what's next after the looming restructure No: 6 / redundancy 8(

Feeling a bit shell shocked. Not an everyday occurrence for me :\
 
:( <3 Bad times, stress is horrible shite. Part of the reason i walked out of my job
 
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And er, while yer at it...

NSFW:

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