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Gibberings CLXX: Cocks will get blocked.
- Thread starter Ceres
- Start date
Spliff Politics
Bluelighter
Since the 3 years of using heroin occasionally and never running into any problems with it, no, i havnt ever had the feeling its going to get me. But now since loosing my job and having this "fuck it" state of mind, i am a bit worried that i may just cave in and buy 7gs or something and go on a bit of a binge. I believe after the binge i would be able to handle the withdrawals with ket and/or MXE, but the problem is is whether or not i would stop afrer running out or if i would carry on and continue till i hit rock-bottom
joe90
Bluelighter
Chatative
Bluelight Crew
So true, I used to justify my drug use with just about every excuse under the sun. In your mind, the excuses make sense but it's just the addiction talking. You honestly think you want to take the drugs, that you are making a choice but it couldn't be further from the truth. Then you go through phases of disgust & trying to 'cut back' saying you won't fall back into the same mistakes again & guess what... the cycle goes full circle.
It's not fun. I was only psychologically addicted... I hate to think what physical addiction would be like.
Best of luck to you Spliff, you know we're all try to help.
Spliff Politics
Bluelighter
Have you got any hobbies other than drugs, Spliffy?
You sound like raas. Sorry.
No, this is the problem Swampy. I have no real motivation to pick something brand new up and give it a go. I try to get back in gaming, but because of my ADD i find it extremely difficult to properly get into things any more. Least with my job i could do something to fill the time during the days, but now i've got nothing.
I dont mean to be taking over the whole of Gibberings; this all feels very self-indulgent.
Spliff Politics
Bluelighter
It's not fun. I was only psychologically addicted... I hate to think what physical addiction would be like.
Best of luck to you Spliff, you know we're all try to help.
In some ways i feel that psychological addiction is worse than physical
swampdragon
Bluelighter
Hmmm.. yeah. I think physical hobbies that involve a bit of exercise are often a great idea, especially if you're gonna have loads of time for them, but do require a bit of motivation to get started with. It partly depends on where you live and what's around, too. It might be worth having a ponder if there's anything you fancy learning to do.
And don't be daft, that's what the place is for. Besides, you couldn't possibly take over Gibberings more than some members have lately. And you're far less annoying than them,
And don't be daft, that's what the place is for. Besides, you couldn't possibly take over Gibberings more than some members have lately. And you're far less annoying than them,
Chatative
Bluelight Crew
I felt exactly that way giving up smoking. Obviously the physical side of things ain't that bad in the grand scheme of things but... it was breaking the mental processes involved with the whole ritual of smoking that was hard.
ponch
Bluelighter
Its not so much the heroin is the problem here. I feel like picking up any drug and using it for a month a so; whether it be GBL, ketamine, crystal meth, benzos. I just feel like if i was to pick up a drug and go on a binge for this amount of time, then heroin would be the least detrimental to my health as crazy as that sounds.
GBL - Would have a great month, feel outgoing, soicalise a lot more, feel great, but the withdrawls will absolutely destroy me and dosing GBL 24/7 can be a tricky beast to tame
Ketamine - Would have no pysical withdrawls to speak of, but will be pretty much incapable of leading a normal life
Crystal meth (small oral doses) - Could go about my day, feeling on top of the world and seem more or-less sober, but once stopped the comedown would most probably leave me feeling suicidal and perhaps even result in fucking my brain up even further
Benzos - Whilst reducing my anxiety to a level where i could function in most jobs, when coming off of these i would be striaght up fucked
And finally Heroin - Buying a amount large enough to last me a couple weeks or so, during those weeks i will feel content, happy and be able to live my life normal and seem sober to other people. Of course withdrawals would be horrible once i stopped , but nothing compared to GBL or benzos. The other HUGE HUGE risk would be, carrying on using and becoming a full-time junkie, which would be worse than all of the above.
I know how pathetic this all sounds, that i need a drug to try and get through this difficult period and whilst i know i dont need one, the whole "fuck-it" ideolgy is strong. Its just all down to trying to find an appropriate job before i crave in.
Theres no-one i can speak to like this i real life life - so it really feels good to get it all out. Again, i cant stress enough how much good it is doing me to be getting support from people who could just ignore me
Stay away from the big bag of Heroin SP and I will stay up with you and talk about Bisto, sausage rolls and amens all night. What more incentive do you need man?
Spliff Politics
Bluelighter
Hmmm.. yeah. I think physical hobbies that involve a bit of exercise are often a great idea, especially if you're gonna have loads of time for them, but do require a bit of motivation to get started with. It partly depends on where you live and what's around, too. It might be worth having a ponder if there's anything you fancy learning to do.
And don't be daft, that's what the place is for. Besides, you couldn't possibly take over Gibberings more than some members have lately. And you're far less annoying than them,
I keep racking and racking and racking my brains for something i would like to get into, but i just find it so hard to think of something. The only thing that keep coming up is gaming, which i have tried, but i just cant quite get into them as much as i used to be able to. I cant believe im gonna say this out load, but i was thinking of even trying to get back on to runescape (ah fuck me, kill me now haha) that used to take up hours of my life as a ween & i used to love it. I really shouldnt have said that out loud though. FUCK - I can never show my face again haha.
Im already on my bag of bi-weekly scag atm hah
Its the only reason im posting. Without drugs, my social anxiety is at such a level i find it hard even posting on a forum. Its so ridiculous; the next morning the posts i have made will be going through my head and i'll be thinking to myself "ah fuck fuck, why did i say that, must have sounded like such a dickhead" Thanks for that post though Ponch, for some reason that one has properly warmed my heart. No idea why, but yeah 
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
So true, I used to justify my drug use with just about every excuse under the sun. In your mind, the excuses make sense but it's just the addiction talking. You honestly think you want to take the drugs, that you are making a choice but it couldn't be further from the truth. Then you go through phases of disgust & trying to 'cut back' saying you won't fall back into the same mistakes again & guess what... the cycle goes full circle.
It's not fun. I was only psychologically addicted... I hate to think what physical addiction would be like.
Best of luck to you Spliff, you know we're all try to help.
Nah especially when people like your family try to force you to stop and you think thoughts you'd never normally think. I once told a person that she was lucky her parents had died because they couldn't control her and stop her taking drugs.
How bloody messed up is that?! I'll be honest, I don't think I ever got over the whole addiction thing, my parents tried CONTROLLING and FORCING me off codeine and I went and asked to get onto suboxone as my friend said she'd got on it for 4 and a half years! I never thought of suboxone as recovery (I've had a drink so true honesty is coming out here!) I thought of it as a replacement for codeine - one where I'd only have to take it once a day and not be judged / stopped from doing it. My parents raided my house, and got all my codeine I literally felt that my whole world had caved in just because I could not have it, I thought the world had ended n was in grief like no other - FOR A BLOODY SUBSTANCE!!!! And wanted everyone else who stopped me having it gone literally, my thought patterns were so warped, not me at all.
This is why when I see someone going down this path I do whatever I can to try and help but if they show the same anger / resistance I showed then it's best to leave them be until they're ready, have someone like members who are close friends PM them. if people feel that they're being attacked they're not going to listen in the slightest.
Sorry for the ramble on - blame the alcohol.
Evey
Chatative
Bluelight Crew
Edited to how I imagined the post was going when I first read it.
...
I sympathise with the social anxiety stuff... I pretty much made my way through from my early adult life until now using drink & drugs as a social lubricant. Now I'm no longer that I seem to be realising how much of a problem it actually is, especially with all my anxiety being a bit bad at the moment anyway.
I find no problems with forums or IM though...
swampdragon
Bluelighter
Teheh, go for it then.
Don't worry about what others think about you.. and to be fair, on here, if someone thinks you're a dickhead they'll likely tell you straight away.. they're pretty honest like that. (You don't sound like a dickhead.)Im already on my bag of bi-weekly scag atm hah
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
I relate to the social anxiety thing. Without suboxone I'm a nervous wreck, hate being around people and always analysing what they say; their tone, thinking were they annoyed with me, had I said something wrong, and so forth. I even used to analyse people's tone in shops etc.
Evey
ponch
Bluelighter
Im already on my bag of bi-weekly scag atm hah
Don't worry about it man, just don't do anything silly
You would have to put in a pretty epic effort to stand out as a dickhead amongst some of the posters on here :D
ColtDan
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2009
- Messages
- 24,876
Exactly x
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
agggggghhhhhh I feel so damned serious now.... anyone got some joke or whatever to lighten the mood a bit? Please?????
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasy Where are you??? This place sucks without you, no offence people, well no it doesn't "suck" but Raas where are you? We all need entertaining hahahaha
hahahahaha too true, Swampy, Oh too true.
Evey
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasy Where are you??? This place sucks without you, no offence people, well no it doesn't "suck" but Raas where are you? We all need entertaining hahahaha
hahahahaha too true, Swampy, Oh too true.
Evey
@ Evey he kinda admits to it Evey - never had any thing to do with him and every post i put down he has something shitty to say about it , thats sorta what trolling is.
Spliff Politics
Bluelighter
Teheh, go for it then.
Don't worry about what others think about you.. and to be fair, on here, if someone thinks you're a dickhead they'll likely tell you straight away.. they're pretty honest like that. (You don't sound like a dickhead.)
Thanyou Swampy-mystro; for someone with self confidence issues, even something as small as you saying that is really helpful to me. You've a kind heart and i hope that that trait brings you much happiness in life
As cheesy as that sounds (Nice cheese though, not Gorgonzola cheese - BLURGH i would never say such a hurtful thing!)