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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CLXIV - I don't Have a Clue if These Numerals are Right I'm Still Drunk

I never tend to venture out of eadd, dont do a great deal while im here either but I do enjoy reading everyone elses posts.

Im at work for the bulk of my time on the board as I struggle to find common ground with folk I work with, football and fighting just doesnt float my boat, the joys of the construction industry:) I dont think they quite like my drug geek convo equally. They're only interested in coke, shite £40 stuff at that. Telling me its "fuckin banging this", I find quality coke pretty shit let alone the lucky dip £40 a G crap...

I really need to find something in my life that interests me, at least to distract from either thinking/talking or mainly consuming drugs. The opies have left a void in me and im finding it quite hard lately to fill it :(

I think im going to get back into using my DSLR and try and occupy myself with photography coupled with the occasional psych cuz I do enjoy I lovely trip.

If I could get my drug use down to a trip every month or two id be chuffed...
 
You've done amazingly well to make it this far, SM. It's not easy to fill the void - I'm still working on that myself - but it's worthwhile. Keep it up.
 
Sammy G said:
You've done amazingly well to make it this far, SM. It's not easy to fill the void - I'm still working on that myself - but it's worthwhile. Keep it up.
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Cheers Sam :) Its quite a cavern though which is always my concern. My main concern is that I have every reason to be happy to, but im not. Which can leave me confused as I don't know what does make me happy.

In the words of Morissey "These things take time" :)
 
Do people actually go come on here when they're meant to be working? I wouldn't dream of doing that when I worked as in a way it's stealing. You're being paid to work not go on the internet n there are people struggling to find work.
It's one thing that makes my blood boil.
I assumed that people would be here in the evenings or during lunch.
It's wrong on so many levels.

Evey
 
Morninoon, all :)

Where'd the sunshine go? Warm enough to have all the windows open but hardly full of the joys of spring out there. Birds twittering away all joyously springy though so sunshine in ears if not in eyes.

Have Things To Do today. Need to sort travel plans. Quite excited - at the travel not the planning bit but does make the travel bit seem a lot more concrete. Don't suppose anybody happens to have a boat pointed at Ireland I can hitch a lift on do they? I'll stick me thumb out if it helps. No? Interwebz and train ticket man it is then.

Eveleivibe said:
I was just thinking that but I've been "told off" from one member asking if they were ok. Once bitten, twice shy n all that. Hahaha
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I think you may have misinterpreted what people were actually meaning when you were asking after that person before. It wasn't meant as a "telling off" it was more about perspective and that many people here know the person in question and knew that overconcern at taking a break from posting is really not necessary - some posters do take breaks and have time off and will quite often have mentioned it in public or PM which is why others are not concerned about their lack of posting. I think it just seemed a bit much to be so worried about somebody who you really didn't know all that well (as you'd only quite recently become a member and even more recently started posting regularly in EADD) or know much of his situation whereas many others here do know him pretty well and know his posting style and that he often takes a few weeks off from BL to do other things.

There is a bit of a balancing act between concern for other members' wellbeing and allowing members' their privacy. Sometimes people need to take time away for various personal reasons - I've often disappeared from BL for weeks and even months at a stretch - and coming back to find people have been really worried can make you feel kinda bad. Especially when there's maybe other members who knew you were fine but word hadn't gotten around which can make you feel kinda responsible for causing all this concern when you thought people knew you were just taking a break.

There's really no right or wrong way of striking that balance but getting to know the other members over time helps with having a better idea of when an absence is nothing to worry about and when it's a bit out of character and doesn't seem quite right.
 
ScotchMist said:
I never tend to venture out of eadd, dont do a great deal while im here either but I do enjoy reading everyone elses posts.

Im at work for the bulk of my time on the board as I struggle to find common ground with folk I work with, football and fighting just doesnt float my boat, the joys of the construction industry:) I dont think they quite like my drug geek convo equally. They're only interested in coke, shite £40 stuff at that. Telling me its "fuckin banging this", I find quality coke pretty shit let alone the lucky dip £40 a G crap...

I really need to find something in my life that interests me, at least to distract from either thinking/talking or mainly consuming drugs. The opies have left a void in me and im finding it quite hard lately to fill it :(

I think im going to get back into using my DSLR and try and occupy myself with photography coupled with the occasional psych cuz I do enjoy I lovely trip.

If I could get my drug use down to a trip every month or two id be chuffed...
Click to expand...

SM, my husband and I are at the same crossroads. We had a scare this past weekend that I wont go into, but it was kind of a 'this isn't worth it anymore' type deal. We're both no longer spring chickens (well, he's late 20s, I'm early 30s, but still, body doesn't re-coop as well as it once did) and even mental equilibrium is easier to maintain when we refrain from what we were doing just to avoid the voids in our lives that were widening by the day.

Opies in particular can suck the passion right out of your life. I used to have so many interests, as did my better half. That was the basis of our relationship! Sharing all we loved and grew up loving, as we were both in a period of relative sobriety. The the last year or so we slipped down that insidious slope and now need to claw our way back up.

Like Shambles and Sammy have said, it's about balance and working it out yourself, but it can be done. If it helps, my guy and I are in the same boat as you. We actually DID something yesterday, and it was so good to have the sun shine on us and have a nice meal outside and laugh and feel like a normal fucking human being, even if only for an hour or so.

What I'm saying is, you can do it, and there are many here in the same place as you. You have many resources, friends, whoever, you can call on. Other posters, for example, or even me if you wanted, though we haven't spoken much until recently. Just know the door is open and that even if it's just getting out and taking a 15 min walk or something once every few days, that's something. Baby steps. Learning to love and get that feeling from whatever it is (music, movies, art, being outside, exercise, reading, whatever) that you once used to get any kind of inspiriation from that was robbed from you when that feeling was chemically replaced by other substances.

I'll cram it now, lol, b/c I'm rambling, but just know you're doing fine and people do care. Stay strong and look for what speaks to who 'you' really are, if that makes any sort of sense? :)
 
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Eveleivibe said:
Do people actually go come on here when they're meant to be working? I wouldn't dream of doing that when I worked as in a way it's stealing. You're being paid to work not go on the internet n there are people struggling to find work.
It's one thing that makes my blood boil.
I assumed that people would be here in the evenings or during lunch.
It's wrong on so many levels.

Evey
Click to expand...
Its called multitasking Evey
 
Not being funny but how an I meant to fit in here when I'm always being told I'm wrong n "don't know members like the rest of you do" it always puts empathesis on the fact n that ive been here as long as others.

All i did was try to show concern for some who i knew had a lot on know I'm being made to be a bad person for caring. From now on I won't bother. After all I don't really know anyone of you n am not really part of EADD. Thats the message that keeps getting reinforced back to me not matter how many times I tried.

How do you expect new members to fit into EADD if every time we "slip up" its reinforced that we "don't know members as all you do."

It's kind of frustrating, to be honest when all I did was try to show concern for someone as I knew they had stuff going on.

Evey
 
Evey, im sure whatever help you offered was appreciated.

You're as much a part of EADD as anyone else but there are folk here who have been friends for quite some time so with that in mind they may be able to offer more help to whoever this person is as they are more privy to certain intricacies of the situation which might not be shared with you. Dont take it so personally.

Ive been here a while and I know very little about anyone other than what they post publicly, relationships irl or on the net take time to build so dont be offended if all information isn't shared with you.

Ps: im on a coffee break whilst I wrote this ;)

Chill :)

Edit:

@sandy - just saw your post, thanks very much, its appreciated greatly. As I said, these things take time, ive done it before and hopefully wont have to do it again, im early 30's myself and its getting very tiresome.

Time just seems to take along time coming when feeling like this, I know it gets easier but knowing that doesnt make it any easier, im sure you know what I mean :)

I most definitely need some alternative activities to become passionate about, I have young children and had a wonderful weekend with them, very tiring but very fulfilling though :) Without trying to sound selfish, I need something of my own, some time for myself. I just need to find what it is.

This weekend im going to take a walk with my camera for an hour or so.

Wish you and your fella well and the same applies to you should you feel the want to chat :)
 
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ScotchMist said:
@sandy - just saw your post, thanks very much, its appreciated greatly. As I said, these things take time, ive done it before and hopefully wont have to do it again, im early 30's myself and its getting very tiresome.

Time just seems to take along time coming when feeling like this, I know it gets easier but knowing that doesnt make it any easier, im sure you know what I mean :)

I most definitely need some alternative activities to become passionate about, I have young children and had a wonderful weekend with them, very tiring but very fulfilling though :) Without trying to sound selfish, I need something of my own, some time for myself. I just need to find what it is.

This weekend im going to take a walk with my camera for an hour or so.

Wish you and your fella well and the same applies to you should you feel the want to chat :)
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Hey SM, not a problem, glad we can relate. :) Though sorry it is under these circumstances, unfortunately. The bright side is that I think many of us are getting to that point in life where clarity is shifting and perhaps even sharpening a little? You have beautiful children to live for - that is a blessing I do not yet/perhaps never will know, and it is a gift. I know it's hard, but you are seeing the fullfillment as the reward now instead of/vs the 'burdens' we tend to try to seek refuge now from. Glad you had such a special weekend with them. :)

And I've always wanted to get into photography myself. Used to paint, but gave it up years ago. I feel so fucking corny, but now is as good a time as any, and if anything, I know (at least for myself) that I have a lot more to say/experience than I did when I was a young, bright (wannabe) 'artiste' (ha, right, lol sarcasm there). But I mean we have more notches under our belt, more insight, and you can use that to propel your interests and, in a greater sense, yourself to a place where meaning takes on a whole new, well, for lack of a better word, meaning? I don't know if this makes any sense at ALL, but it sounds like you're heading in the right direction.

Best to you and yours, and thanks for the well wishes in return. :)
 
^ "Arty stuff" is a brilliant thing to do when trying to get away from certain behaviours. Brilliant thing to do in general actually but I know I found it helpful to indulge in a bit of self-expression with photography, paint and pastel. Not saying I'm any good at any of those things but it is a very enjoyable hobby and also good to express thoughts and feelings. And who knows what could come of it? If a person has things to say and has talent to express them in interesting ways... but it's just a very enjoyable pasttime for its own sake really. I heartily recommend it to all.

Eveleivibe said:
Not being funny but how an I meant to fit in here when I'm always being told I'm wrong n "don't know members like the rest of you do" it always puts empathesis on the fact n that ive been here as long as others.
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That wasn't what I said or intended at all, Evey. I said that at the time you were new - now we've all gotten to know you a bit and I'm sure you've gotten to know many of us too. You're part of the EADD furniture now whether you like it or not - no more noob status for you. You were new back then though which is what I was talking about. Given you corrected me on my assumption none of that really applies now anyway. Well, it applies in general I suppose but it would appear I was talking about a different thing than you were so is nothing but crossed wires really. I don't think anybody think of you as the new girl anymore cos you've been around for months now and no offence intended <3
 
Lol ScotchMist that made me chuckle you saying you're on a coffee break haha n yea I get it.
I'm really not taking it personally. Knock told me it took him a year to find his feet here too. If members are made to feel like they are not allowed to show concern for people because they're not been here long n so forth they're not going to want to stick around. Other sub-forums are not like this.

New members are the future of BL n should feel wanted, integrated not told how don't know members the way others do n made to feel an outsider every time they show concern. This has happened before n it feels like I 'm not allowed to show concern for others in EADD because I don't have some badge that says "joined since (so many".

I'm not saying anymore on this as I don't want to come across as argumentative. It's just my opinions on the matter as it was the exact same thing when I tried showing concern for Brimz. I can't help caring about people. Not taking it personally, just expressing my feelings on the matter.

Evey
 
Nothing wrong with new-ish members showing concern, its supposed to be a harm reduction site regardless, a new-ish member could be more knowledgeable than somebody thats been here for years. and its good that you care about people, tis lovely, some people dont give a shit
 
Eveleivibe said:
Do people actually go come on here when they're meant to be working? I wouldn't dream of doing that when I worked as in a way it's stealing. You're being paid to work not go on the internet n there are people struggling to find work.
It's one thing that makes my blood boil.
I assumed that people would be here in the evenings or during lunch.
It's wrong on so many levels.

Evey
Click to expand...

Totally agree with this Evey. When you think what a hard time the unemployed get for being workshy and taking money from the state for doing nothing - people who do nothing but prat about on the net while they are meant to be working has to be many many times more abhorrent.

People seem to think its ok so long as they get up in the morning and go to work, regardless of whether they actually do any work. When I worked in an office it was these people who pissed me off the most. But you never see the Daily Mail etc on their backs do you?

Well said.
 
People that go to work but do fuck all work... surely managers should be on the case and boot their ass out the door, if i was running a place and somebody was being lazy they'd get disciplinary proceedure and off they fuck, goodbye
 
Eveleivibe said:
Do people actually go come on here when they're meant to be working? I wouldn't dream of doing that when I worked as in a way it's stealing. You're being paid to work not go on the internet n there are people struggling to find work.
It's one thing that makes my blood boil.
I assumed that people would be here in the evenings or during lunch.
It's wrong on so many levels.

Evey
Click to expand...

You're at it. Surely?

StoneHappyMonday said:
Totally agree with this Evey. When you think what a hard time the unemployed get for being workshy and taking money from the state for doing nothing - people who do nothing but prat about on the net while they are meant to be working has to be many many times more abhorrent.

People seem to think its ok so long as they get up in the morning and go to work, regardless of whether they actually do any work. When I worked in an office it was these people who pissed me off the most. But you never see the Daily Mail etc on their backs do you?

Well said.
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You too?

Madness lol.

I see it as your duty to skive as much as possible. Don't get me wrong, I get my work done, but they seem to think it takes me 8 hours a day when in reality it takes about 2 max. It would be stupid of me to correct them.

I don't understand why you would expect someone to bust their arse for not much better than minimum wage, knowing that anything above and beyond the bare minimum doesn't affect their wages, yet probably does affect some rich fuckers dividends. I'm really quite surprised tbh. Different if we were talking about folk getting paid mega bucks, but I don't think we are.

My employer isn't exactly a profit making corporation right enough, so I guess my excuse is that I'm a lazy bastard
 
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parttime crackhead said:
You're at it. Surely?



You too?

Madness lol.

I see it as your duty to skive as much as possible. Don't get me wrong, I get my work done, but they seem to think it takes me 8 hours a day when in reality it takes about 2 max.
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Maybe it depends on the job. I spent quite some time working in welfare related jobs where people's quality of life, not to mention a roof over their head, depended on people doing what they were there to do. Skiving equalled massive backlogs and I saw people lose their homes and go short of money for weeks because of incompetent lazy bastards. People who could happily turn up for work each day and spend the whole day on the phone to their friends while files built walls around them.

Trust me, I have no work ethic. But I do have a thing about social responsibility. And I've seen enough corruption run rife through councils (and especially their housing departments) to last me a life time. I was glad to get out.
 
Why would you do more work than you absolutely have to? If you work for fucking HSBC or something?

Anyone who knows who I work for will know I don't have the same excuse. I guess mine is that pretty much everything I do is about 3 pay grades above what I actually get, and my boss knows this, she also knows that I do fuck all most of the day but I guess it's a fair trade off in her eyes.

If I worked for a fucking bank or something, as I have in the past, I would have no issue with ripping it as much as humanly possible and then some. (Edit - I certainly wouldn't have spent the past week or so teaching myself visual basic so I could do my job better)


Edit - Just saw your reply. Definitely depends on the job. I genuinely thought you were shouting a cunt who works in Tesco shouldn't be skiving. That you found out it abhorrent some poor fucker on 40 quid a day wouldn't be busting their arse. I'm glad that's not the case.
 
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