Gibberings CCVIII V. Cephalopodia's Amphetamine Utopia

[Eveleivibe]

Lol it's the UK for ye. How are you feeling today, G?

Evey

 

[Don Luigi]

My Da bought the contents of an 81yr old lady's flat yesterday, as she was moving into a nursing home, and we cleared it out today and yesterday. There was loads of good stuff in there, including four separate books on the wonders of vinegar, but it was sad to see all of the little personal effects she had collected throughout her life.

It was also a wee bit amusing that she had drink stashed in every nook and cranny :D She seems to be a big fan of every kind of spirit you can imagine..and Lambrini. No Buckfast or alchopops, mind you.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

My pleasure. I lost track of the cunt about a year later as, like many of the crowd I used to hang around with he was locked away in his best friends flat aquiring a heroin addiction, while his other 'bestie' descended into alcoholism.

Cut to 10 years later, by now Im a famous disgrace after my striking off order was plastered across the front page of ever local newspaper within 30 miles of Wolverhampton. Unknown to me, the Gasman had gained employment as a postman and had quickly developed a habit of stealing any package that looked valuable. It only took so many complaints until the Royal Mail reported their suspicions to the police, who after investigating the allegations of theft, could not find enough evidence to charge him with anything. So, the spawny cunt got away with his thievery by the skin of his teeth, but due to his ridiculous arrogance, as soon as he got his round back he started stealing again, anything from Amazon was robbed as standard along with anything else that seemed of value. But thankfully the RM, unsatisfied with the outcome of the police investigation, started their own, and placed a tracker inside his van before he re-started work. It only took a fortnight to analyse his routes, which included multiple stops at an address every day well off his route. With the new evidence and the continuing complaints from the public regarding packages they had never received the police agreed to investigate his behaviour again and following a short period of surveillance they had enough evidence to obtain a search warrent for the suspect address, where they found approx £17,000 of stolen mail which the fucking idiot was selling on Ebay, using an account he had set up just to flog his stolen goods to pay for his smack.

Of course the first I heard about it was when he appeared on the front page of the same newspaper that had helped me achieve celebrity status, as the banner headline complete with a picture of the cunt in his £60 suit which I assume was all he had left to spend for his court appearence. His 2 friends were also prosecuted but despite them all growing up together, once the shit hit the fan they all appeared with separate representation, as they all pleaded NOT GUILTY - blaming each other as each defendant stated that they had committed the crimes under duress from the other two. The jury must have come back within 2 minutes with a guilty verdict as, for the second day running, they made the headlines as they were quickly sentenced, with the 2 mates receiving suspended prison terms for handling, and the Gasman, who despite his best efforts to perjure himself out of trouble was correctly identified as the architect of the most inept criminal conspiracy in history, and was sentenced to 4.5 years in prison. As he had never even spent a night in police cell, I felt very comfortable in my own bed that night with the knowledge that this cunts asshole was probably already ruptured as he was a soft cunt with a big mouth and after leading such a charmed life I suspected that he was the last person in the world that could handle jail.

As I said, Im not mean enough to take pleasure in anyones misfortune, regardless of what or who they are.

Or at least I thought I wasn't until that headline appeared. Get down you horrible, dangerous thieving cunt.

Fuckin hell, it all happens down your way doesn't it mate

Top story, happy ending

My Da bought the contents of an 81yr old lady's flat yesterday, as she was moving into a nursing home, and we cleared it out today and yesterday. There was loads of good stuff in there, including four separate books on the wonders of vinegar, but it was sad to see all of the little personal effects she had collected throughout her life.

It was also a wee bit amusing that she had drink stashed in every nook and cranny :D She seems to be a big fan of every kind of spirit you can imagine..and Lambrini. No Buckfast or alchopops, mind you.

I hope you've given all that booze a good home mate

 

[Don Luigi]

Tis' Ireland, mate. We have homeless people, never homeless booze

In truth, it was all booze neither me or my father like. All of the containers had been opened, or were empty, so we dumped it.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

My pleasure. I lost track of the cunt about a year later as, like many of the crowd I used to hang around with he was locked away in his best friends flat aquiring a heroin addiction, while his other 'bestie' descended into alcoholism.

Cut to 10 years later, by now Im a famous disgrace after my striking off order was plastered across the front page of ever local newspaper within 30 miles of Wolverhampton. Unknown to me, the Gasman had gained employment as a postman and had quickly developed a habit of stealing any package that looked valuable. It only took so many complaints until the Royal Mail reported their suspicions to the police, who after investigating the allegations of theft, could not find enough evidence to charge him with anything. So, the spawny cunt got away with his thievery by the skin of his teeth, but due to his ridiculous arrogance, as soon as he got his round back he started stealing again, anything from Amazon was robbed as standard along with anything else that seemed of value. But thankfully the RM, unsatisfied with the outcome of the police investigation, started their own, and placed a tracker inside his van before he re-started work. It only took a fortnight to analyse his routes, which included multiple stops at an address every day well off his route. With the new evidence and the continuing complaints from the public regarding packages they had never received the police agreed to investigate his behaviour again and following a short period of surveillance they had enough evidence to obtain a search warrent for the suspect address, where they found approx £17,000 of stolen mail which the fucking idiot was selling on Ebay, using an account he had set up just to flog his stolen goods to pay for his smack.

Of course the first I heard about it was when he appeared on the front page of the same newspaper that had helped me achieve celebrity status, as the banner headline complete with a picture of the cunt in his £60 suit which I assume was all he had left to spend for his court appearence. His 2 friends were also prosecuted but despite them all growing up together, once the shit hit the fan they all appeared with separate representation, as they all pleaded NOT GUILTY - blaming each other as each defendant stated that they had committed the crimes under duress from the other two. The jury must have come back within 2 minutes with a guilty verdict as, for the second day running, they made the headlines as they were quickly sentenced, with the 2 mates receiving suspended prison terms for handling, and the Gasman, who despite his best efforts to perjure himself out of trouble was correctly identified as the architect of the most inept criminal conspiracy in history, and was sentenced to 4.5 years in prison. As he had never even spent a night in police cell, I felt very comfortable in my own bed that night with the knowledge that this cunts asshole was probably already ruptured as he was a soft cunt with a big mouth and after leading such a charmed life I suspected that he was the last person in the world that could handle jail.

As I said, Im not mean enough to take pleasure in anyones misfortune, regardless of what or who they are.

Or at least I thought I wasn't until that headline appeared. Get down you horrible, dangerous thieving cunt.

M

Tis' Ireland, mate. We have homeless people, never homeless booze

In truth, it was all booze neither me or my father like. All of the containers had been opened, or were empty, so we dumped it.

It was booze man! Makes no difference whether you like it or not! At best, it would have got you pissed. At worst, it was piss

 

[BigG]

I've only ever been to Ireland once (Dublin 2001) and got so pissed that the next day they weren't gonna let me on the flight my hangover was so bad. In the end they conceded to let me on if I paid the airport Doc 30 notes for two shots of something to stop me simultaneously puking and shitting myself.

Incidentally I'd like to apologise to the people of Ireland for spewing all over the bed in the Dublin Plaza where I was staying......could have been worse though.....I could have shit the bed as well.....

Anyway hometime now for G

 

[Don Luigi]

I've only ever been to Ireland once (Dublin 2001) and got so pissed that the next day they weren't gonna let me on the flight my hangover was so bad. In the end they conceded to let me on if I paid the airport Doc 30 notes for two shots of something to stop me simultaneously puking and shitting myself.

Incidentally I'd like to apologise to the people of Ireland for spewing all over the bed in the Dublin Plaza where I was staying......could have been worse though.....I could have shit the bed as well.....

Anyway hometime now for G

I'm sure there's no need to apologise. Despite all of your boaking and shitting, you were still probably viewed as a refined English gentleman :D

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I'm sure there's no need to apologise. Despite all of your boaking and shitting, you were still probably viewed as a refined English gentleman :D

Don't be daft, he's a fuckin Geordie

 

[BigG]

I'm sure there's no need to apologise. Despite all of your boaking and shitting, you were still probably viewed as a refined English gentleman :D

Haha!! I've been mistaken for many things (meth cook, pimp etc.) but never English gentleman (although I recon the bird behind the bar who looked and sounded like one of the Coors definitely wanted it)

 

[BigG]

Don't be daft, he's a fuckin Geordie

Technically a Sand Dancer not a Geordie but wouldn't expect you to know (or give a flying fuck) what the difference is

 

[Don Luigi]

I bet, if you'd got her back to your accommodation, you'd have shown her the true meaning of being left breathless

You bloody machine :D

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Technically a Sand Dancer not a Geordie but wouldn't expect you to know (or give a flying fuck) what the difference is

Yer all Geordies to me mate

 

[BigG]

Newcastle = Geordie
Sunderland = Maccam
South Shields = Sand Dancer

Anyway what would you know.....your from fucking Cheshire

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Newcastle = Geordie
Sunderland = Maccam
South Shields = Sand Dancer

Anyway what would you know.....your from fucking Cheshire

Where the fuckin fuck is south shields? Anyway, as a member of the Cheshire set, as you quite rightly pointed out, I couldn't give a flying fuck! I rub shoulders with the likes of Wayne & Coleen don't you know...


(Well, technically I kill mice in a posh hotel that they regularly stay at and throw up in, but ya know...)

 

[Don Luigi]

I rub shoulders with the likes of Wayne & Coleen don't you know...

I didn't know you were a masseur!

 

[Eveleivibe]

My pleasure. I lost track of the cunt about a year later as, like many of the crowd I used to hang around with he was locked away in his best friends flat aquiring a heroin addiction, while his other 'bestie' descended into alcoholism.

Cut to 10 years later, by now Im a famous disgrace after my striking off order was plastered across the front page of ever local newspaper within 30 miles of Wolverhampton. Unknown to me, the Gasman had gained employment as a postman and had quickly developed a habit of stealing any package that looked valuable. It only took so many complaints until the Royal Mail reported their suspicions to the police, who after investigating the allegations of theft, could not find enough evidence to charge him with anything. So, the spawny cunt got away with his thievery by the skin of his teeth, but due to his ridiculous arrogance, as soon as he got his round back he started stealing again, anything from Amazon was robbed as standard along with anything else that seemed of value. But thankfully the RM, unsatisfied with the outcome of the police investigation, started their own, and placed a tracker inside his van before he re-started work. It only took a fortnight to analyse his routes, which included multiple stops at an address every day well off his route. With the new evidence and the continuing complaints from the public regarding packages they had never received the police agreed to investigate his behaviour again and following a short period of surveillance they had enough evidence to obtain a search warrent for the suspect address, where they found approx £17,000 of stolen mail which the fucking idiot was selling on Ebay, using an account he had set up just to flog his stolen goods to pay for his smack.

Of course the first I heard about it was when he appeared on the front page of the same newspaper that had helped me achieve celebrity status, as the banner headline complete with a picture of the cunt in his £60 suit which I assume was all he had left to spend for his court appearence. His 2 friends were also prosecuted but despite them all growing up together, once the shit hit the fan they all appeared with separate representation, as they all pleaded NOT GUILTY - blaming each other as each defendant stated that they had committed the crimes under duress from the other two. The jury must have come back within 2 minutes with a guilty verdict as, for the second day running, they made the headlines as they were quickly sentenced, with the 2 mates receiving suspended prison terms for handling, and the Gasman, who despite his best efforts to perjure himself out of trouble was correctly identified as the architect of the most inept criminal conspiracy in history, and was sentenced to 4.5 years in prison. As he had never even spent a night in police cell, I felt very comfortable in my own bed that night with the knowledge that this cunts asshole was probably already ruptured as he was a soft cunt with a big mouth and after leading such a charmed life I suspected that he was the last person in the world that could handle jail.

As I said, Im not mean enough to take pleasure in anyones misfortune, regardless of what or who they are.

Or at least I thought I wasn't until that headline appeared. Get down you horrible, dangerous thieving cunt.

Thanks for telling us, Stee. Bet he was out in two years though. People tend to only serve half the sentence don't they?!

Evey

 

[BigG]

Look on a map where the river Tyne hits the north sea...south side of the Tyne right on the edge of the coast is south shields.... We've got a 2000 year old Roman Fort and everything and a nice beach (which I intend to enjoy since summer up here is set to fall on a Saturday this year )

Wayne and fucking Colleen? I once saw Jimmy Five Bellies going for a shit in one of the traps down my local......can any of your fucking readers beat that ?

 

[Eveleivibe]

Don't be daft, he's a fuckin Geordie

Lol
A sand dancer. I've heard it all now, G :D

Look on a map where the river Tyne hits the north sea...south side of the Tyne right on the edge of the coast is south shields.... We've got a 2000 year old Roman Fort and everything and a nice beach (which I intend to enjoy since summer up here is set to fall on a Saturday this year )

Wayne and fucking Colleen? I once saw Jimmy Five Bellies going for a shit in one of the traps down my local......can any of your fucking readers beat that ?

hahahahahaha

Evey

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Look on a map where the river Tyne hits the north sea...south side of the Tyne right on the edge of the coast is south shields.... We've got a 2000 year old Roman Fort and everything and a nice beach (which I intend to enjoy since summer up here is set to fall on a Saturday this year )

Wayne and fucking Colleen? I once saw Jimmy Five Bellies going for a shit in one of the traps down my local......can any of your fucking readers beat that ?

Yeh, Alex 'hurricane' Higgins used to get pissed and snort coke in my local, ner ner...

 

[BigG]

Yeh, Alex 'hurricane' Higgins used to get pissed and snort coke in my local, ner ner...

Ah well that's quite something.....

On a totally different note my beard is now fucking epic......