Desperate Getting lit while parents roaming in the house is a struggle

[Yunai]

25m. Total recluse. Lost 95% of my friend group bc of my drug use. I once had a brilliant amazing happy social life. 2023-2024. when I was 22/23. many great friends. My dream girl as my gf. When she left me for someone else I for the first time ever fell into deep drug addiction (opiates and Xanax).
Plan rn is to get clean from opiate substitution but that‘ll take prolly 6 months or so. Today I can‘t take it anymore. I feel like exsanguinating. I stopped my substitute opiate dose yesterday to 0. having pretty terrible WDs. Diarrhea every 15 min. Stomach feels like a thousand knives slowly twisting and turning. I#m cold, weak, terrible headache. Why am I doing this? Not cold Turkey but for another reason. Now my opioid receptors should be cleared. I have about 450mg of ER morphine (which is my substitution I usually take 150mg but orally as it‘s supposed to. The extended release lasts 24h on the dot).
Now. I really really wanna get high. I will remove the coating, then crush them in a mortar and pestle. To remove the ER. Try get as fine as powder as possible.
Here comes to bad part. I have no syringes anymore my mum cleaned my room threw everything out long ago. So I have to make the trip while withdrawing, on an escooter, to the nearest pharmacy get some oral syringe. I will then mix the powder with water and boof it. All while dodging my mum. She already caught me taking her fking Mortar. I have to figure a way out for that too. I hope this will all work out. I have to be smart. Only 2 hours before Pharmacies close.

 

[Chaurus]

Buy a lock box big enough and store all your gear in there under lock and key. Get your own mortar.

 

[Yunai]

That’s my plan but my mum is the most suspicious person ever. Currently on my way to buy my own mortar

 

[Yunai]

Also just hit the pharmacy they had more syringes than I thought *happy*. I got a handful of 2mls a few 5mls. I think 4 3mls and one HUGE 10ml.
The 10ml is the only one that has a wider tip. That’s important because when crushing ER morphine HCL it turns to a fine powder but not the entirety of it. Some clugs back together. So you have bigger flocks you either manually have to crush down or I just use the 10ML syringe with the wide tip, so they can pass through and don’t clug the smaller syringe.

 

[Chaurus]

That’s my plan but my mum is the most suspicious person ever. Currently on my way to buy my own mortar

Just write on it in big letters "PORN STASH".

 

[Yunai]

Finally my mum left the house so I just went through with my plan. 450mg Morphium crushed to fine powder (ER removed). Stirred it with water, the big 10 ml syringe was a HUGE help. Since it#s tip is 2.5cm long while the 2mls, 5mls all only have 1 cm. Plus the tip is wider so tiny particles that weren‘t crushed properly fit through. Worked better than expected. Had to do it in 4 gos. I think I hit the spot pretty good. Maybe 5-10% product lost bc I had to use more water than I anticipated. Whatever. The only downside is for some reason at the edge of the syringe right before the tip is a bit of Morphine clogged. Idk why but I can‘t get it out, no matter what I tried. Maybe another 5-10% lost. Probably around 400mg Morphine coming up now. After 3-5 min after the first shoot the WD immediately went away. I am t+25 min now. It comes up. All the pain is gone, I feel warm, euphoric. Sure, not just as strong as when I had no tolerance and did this back in 2024 but honestly it‘s stronger than I expected. It‘s great. I feel pretty good already. Hopefully the warmth will come up more and more. My heartbreak is numbed, Kay Kay (my ex gf) I don‘t miss her right now solely because of the high. Opiates are the best medication, I thank the Lord for Papaver somniferum. Morphine is great, my DOC from the very beginning. Hopefully the come up will be more. I expect a peak after t+1-2h. Will report later. This is amazing. Much better than expected. S-cidial thoughts completely gone and so is the pain. I want this feeling to last forever. Will report later. I hope I won‘t nod off though. Just in case I have some Narcan with me. I love Kay Kay more than anything in the world but opiates are a close second. Without them I’d already be 6 feet under now. Enough rambling. Will enjoy my high now. See you later

 

[Yunai]

Quick update here. So it worked much better than I thought. For ER pills crushing them to a fine powder (has to be very fine!) then mixing with water to boof is superior to using a spoon with water and the pill on it then heating it with a lighter from below to extract the substance slowly, a while ago I tried that a few times it always failed pretty bad (for boofing, I never did IV and never will, I can’t say that often enough, IV is the one thing I would heavily advise everyone to never ever do! Boof if you want, it’s close to it anyway but do NOT do IV use!) Anyway, the way I did it yesterday was much better. Anyway, as expected it lasted about 6 hours. Peak was between 1-2 hours or so. I didn’t nod off which was great. Unfortunately, I did make a slight dumb mistake. After t+3-4 hours I found another 150mg ER morphine pill just laying around under my bed, literally slipped in a crack behind my bed, I remember I once thought I lost one and I randomly stumbled upon it yesterday. I didn’t want to boof this too, my mum just came back, I was feeling good, she wanted to go to a concert with me. I wasn’t going out for so long and I am pretty self confident and low key love socializing (probably because I rarely ever have the opportunity to do so). Knowing that, the boofed Morph from earlier will be already been come down once we pull up at the concert so I decided to take the 150mg pill, just chew it and swallow it (I usually never chew them, idk why I did, I thought maybe so it will hit a bit harder and extent the good feeling so that it lasts for the entirety of the concert). Unfortunately that 150mg extra was a bit too much. I wasn’t totally out, I didn’t fall asleep but when we arrived at the concert my mum could tell and got real mad at me. I tried playing it off trying to enjoy the music but she noticed that my eyes became half way closed (and a bit glassy maybe? hard to explain) and I slightly slumped over. Again, I could stand, dance a bit, talk, all of that, I didn’t truly nod - I know nodding I did it very often in the past, the best I could describe it is a very very slight version of it but since my mum now knows a lot about opiates and what they do so she could tell, especially because I didn’t drink - which I never do - or take any Xans that day at all). No one else could tell, just her. Honestly I loved the concert, great music, cool people, good vibe, I enjoyed it but unfortunately my mum was furious, extremely angry and yea.
I don’t have a good relationship with my mum, my dad I love him, he has open heart surgery soon - big reason why they prescribe me so many Xans right now. Anxiety is worse than it’s ever been. My mum is very egoistical, she never cares about what I have to say, what I think or feel, it’s always about her and her needs and she wants me to live my life for her. The part that saddens me most is despite all of this I still peruse University (hence why I can’t move out, I am dead broke, literally I have maybe 50 dollars a month for food that’s it), I never lost a year, never had to repeat classes or nothing. I am functional. Which the biggest reason as to why is because of the substitution clinic, they gave me the help I needed, and I went and got help quickly back in 2024. The meds they prescribe me stabilize me so much. Before all of this I was very very very deep into depression, to a serious level. Now I am happy to be alive, the meds saved me, again. Yet, all of that doesn’t matter to my mum, she wants this perfect version of me that I will never be and never was.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Is there anything you can do as far as living conditions beyond your mom’s jurisdiction? Are you old enough to live independently or within a group setting?

 

[Yunai]

Is there anything you can do as far as living conditions beyond your mom’s jurisdiction? Are you old enough to live independently or within a group setting?

Yes I am in my mid 20s, I’m old as hell . I can’t change my living situation for the next 3 years though. That’s how long I still have to go to Uni before I can start working and earn money myself. I get ZERO money each month. In the past I did get a little bit (like 200 bucks/month) but when I started doing drugs back in 2024 my mum cut off everything and now I only get around 50 bucks a month for food and for every other stupid little thing I always have to ask her or my dad to send me money on the spot. It’s horrible to be this deadass broke. I would love to live with my father he lives in a beautiful idyllic rural area with a house and garden but it’s over 200 miles away from the city me and my mum live in and I have to go to classes and courses around 4-5 times a week so I have to physically be in the city during the week (every single weekend I’m visiting my dad though).
I thought about group housing like with other students or something but I don’t have the money for it, my mum want it (she says I would uncontrollably start using again). So basically my only option is to focus on my Uni so I don’t lose any time and delay my graduation, make the best out of my situation right now and once I finally graduate I’ll earn pretty good money and then I’ll move out of course.