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Getting help for first time: My addiction story, please help and give advice!

txm28

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 16, 2016
Messages
5
Hello, I heard a lot of good things about this forum and decided to try this out and plan on posting here regulary. Here's my addiction story:

In 2011, my first addiction started which was alcohol (vodka.) I started this at the end of my sophomore year in high school. During my junior year, I would pour 7-8 shots of 100 proof vodka in my water bottle. Buy some cold Pepsi at the store by the school and mix the 2 together and I could literally chug all the shots in 1 big gulp sometimes 2. (I almost gag thinking about doing that now.) One day I realized I would be super moody and short tempered if I didn't have alcohol to drink that day before school. Drinking was what I looked forward to in the morning to get my day going. I never got caught being drunk by teachers. I guess my tolerance was high. Luckily, during my senior year, i have cannibus a try and realized this was a much safer route. Only drank recreationally then.

Now my opioid addiction and current main problem that I'm getting help for in 2 days at a suboxone doctor (ik trading one addiction for another but I need this for me to get my life back on track): I have a herniated disc, the l5-s1 to be exact that's pinching my nerve. During times my senior year of high school, I literally couldn't walk somedays and would have to leave school. I even had to go to er for it and was introduced to Vicodin. At first, it was ok and 2 pills of 5mg a morning would get rid of 70-80% of pain. Until a few friends said, "dude, gives us some, you get high from that and need to take more at once to feel it right." So one morning before walking into school I thought, why not? What could it hurt? I took 5 and experienced the full body warmth and no pain at all. I became very social and participated more in class. Well that's where it started then onto hydrocodones 10mg then Roxie's then h whenever the main roxy dealer got busted and snitched everyone out.

So, for the past 4 years I've been going on and off of opiates. Once in a while replacing with weed but I don't like that thc stays in your system too long for jobs that drug test that I apply for. Plus, it doesn't help chronic pain too well for me. I know there's quick fix to use and other methods, but it's too paranoing. I've been in and out of college several times. I start off the semesters really well, but get extremely unmotivated when I don't have extra money to use anything before my classes. One day I was skipping class because I told my friend I felt a little sick and too tired and stayed in my car in the parking lot. He asked when the last time I did heroin was, I said only 2 bags yesterday, not enough to have wd. He said I bet it's wd. I was like I doubt it (me tricking myself into thinking I'd never fall in that opiate trap and was too good for that.) Well, he broke me off a little piece of subutex (I never tried tex before but tried the strip version a few years prior.) I snorted the small line and what do you know; 45 minutes later I felt alive and motivated and was extremely mad at myself for skipping class.

This is where I started using subutex instead of opiates (about 5.5 months now.) It really helps with my nerve pain and gets me motivated without feeling the addictive warmth over your body that you chase. However around Christmas break we couldn't get tex and my friend claimed to have really good heroin he gets from Baltimore. It comes in capsule and I get like 5-6 doses out of one. I snort and don't shoot it so my wd isn't as bad as most I'm sure. However, I liked it more than tex until I couldn't get it and realized I fell back into the trap. This leading me the other day to call a few clinics for help.

In conclusion, in 2 days i have my first visit with a sub doctor. I also have to do drug counseling to remain in this program. What I dislike, is the receptionist said they only prescribe sub in strip form and not in pill form. If a doctor can prescribe suboxone, wouldn't you think he could also prescribe subutex? I could see if I was shooting stuff, but I don't. What's your guys opinion on this? I swear subutex helps me feel way better than those nasty tasting strips. I make tex last longer too. And another question, I can now get thc wax from a close friend. However, the sub program drug test me so I can't risk dabbing, but I believe in the long run the wax would be a much healthier option than suboxone. However, thc is illegal in my area even medically so I don't like this option, plus if the main source gets caught up then there goes the wax. Also, what I like with sub is knowing there's no point in wasting money on opiates knowing I won't feel them anyways and this will all be legal for me.

So what do you guys think? Risk the wax option and avoid jobs that drug test? Go through with the sub program? I figure within a year or 2 thc should at least be medically available in my area and using sub temporary until then. And the last concern is what happens if my herniated disc inflames pain enough to where I can't walk again? Go back to my home doctor when I can't walk and he gives me hydro but i tell him I'm on sub so can't take them. Then him being like why the hell are you on that? Should I order u47700 for certain pain occasions? Sub doesn't block u4700 does it? And kratom isn't an option. I've tried over 20 brands and it doesn't give enough pain relief and I puke easy from it. Thanks guys, and sorry for the long write up. First time I ever got these things off my chest.
 
hey there glad you joined the bluelight and shared your story. I'm sorry to hear that severe back pain led you to opiate addiction. First I have to say making the choice to go in to treatment and get on a suboxone program is a very hard decision. i just recently went through that exact same thing and boy can i tell you it has been one of the best decisions i have ever made. Its only been 3 weeks on subs but my life has done a complete 180 from doing H/fent every day for over a year to not even craving opiates at all. it also takes the will power to change and want a better life. But being on subs makes it a lot easier to change. such as not worrying about were you will find your next fix so you don't get sick/miss class/job or what ever responsibility's you may have in your life. I am not to sure how great suboxone is on treating pain I am sure you can find that answer some were else on bluelight. So i think you should go through with the sub program and see were that takes you. Who knows it might also help tremendously with your pain. I hope that some what helps you i am also new to this form and try to give my 2 cents.
 
Txm welcome to BL.

The doc is going to stick with the strips as they are the safest medication he can give you.

Dabs are a pretty powerful form if concentrates. They are much more addictive then flower. I have certainly seen more and greater negative consequences in people from daily use of dabs then from flower. Given canibus gives you paranoia then dabs might feel really uncomfortable.

I would get back on the subs if they work that well for you. I would also take the counseling seriously.

If your not exercising regularly then I would certainly add that to the recovery plan you figure out. it repairs the brain and replenishes neurotransmitters you are likely working through with the constant use of substances or medications. It is also an amazing treatment for pain.

Chronic use of opiates for pain relief does not work and infact makes the pain worse. It still feels like it works as it clearly reduces the experience of pain, but over time it has made the pain stronger. If people take them long enough they have to take them to feel exactly how they would feel if they never took them only the pain increases to levels higher then non medicated levels as the medication wares off between doses. Since the half life of suboxone is long this shouldn't present much of an issue for you. But it means a longer withdrawal if and when you decide to stop them.

I would make sure to take a high quality daily multivitamin and I would also add in a dopamine precursor and a fish oil capsule or two a day.

When did the nerve pain first start if you want to share.
 
Txm welcome to BL.

The doc is going to stick with the strips as they are the safest medication he can give you.

Dabs are a pretty powerful form if concentrates. They are much more addictive then flower. I have certainly seen more and greater negative consequences in people from daily use of dabs then from flower. Given canibus gives you paranoia then dabs might feel really uncomfortable.

I would get back on the subs if they work that well for you. I would also take the counseling seriously.

If your not exercising regularly then I would certainly add that to the recovery plan you figure out. it repairs the brain and replenishes neurotransmitters you are likely working through with the constant use of substances or medications. It is also an amazing treatment for pain.

Chronic use of opiates for pain relief does not work and infact makes the pain worse. It still feels like it works as it clearly reduces the experience of pain, but over time it has made the pain stronger. If people take them long enough they have to take them to feel exactly how they would feel if they never took them only the pain increases to levels higher then non medicated levels as the medication wares off between doses. Since the half life of suboxone is long this shouldn't present much of an issue for you. But it means a longer withdrawal if and when you decide to stop them.

I would make sure to take a high quality daily multivitamin and I would also add in a dopamine precursor and a fish oil capsule or two a day.

When did the nerve pain first start if you want to share.
Thanks for the advice. I am reactivating my gym membership once my tax return is deposited into my account. The only thing is I have to be careful lifting and working out putting too much pressure on my pinched nerve. My family doctor literally told me I should try and take it easy for 2 years. However, I agree the gym does wonders and almost produces a natural high feeling after your workout. I used to be a gym rat and luckily I have a friend who recently started going to the same gym and wants to work out together.

The suboxone withdrawal is something that scares me. I'm planning on in the end just taking very small pieces just to get by before going cold turkey. However, right now is the main concern and need the subs to help me get going well in life again.

I have some experience with dabs. Yes cannibus seems to make me more paranoid the older I get. After smoking, it just makes you think about where you are currently in life and if you aren't doing good it really makes me think too hard. Once I get used to thc again, the paranoia goes away usually but then I'm smoking once every 1-2 hours. Except when sleeping at night. What are the side effects you've seen from people consuming wax rather than just flowers?

My nerve pain started in 2009. Once in a while I would have to leave school early to go to the chiropractor to get some relief. I guess you could say my dad is more "old school" telling me just go to the chiro, they'll fix you up all through high school. The nerve pain went on and off all throughout high school only getting worse and into this day. My doctors also didn't seem to take me too serious when I complained about bad back and leg nerve pain. I was young so I'm sure that was the main factor. X-rays won't pick up herniated disc usually and it ony discovered I had scoliosis which I already knew I had.

Then 2 summers ago after having bad nerve pain in my leg to my foot I go to shower and realize 4 of my toes on my right foot are literally mostly black and some blue. So I go to the doctors and the one doctor says I've never seen this on someone your age and called in the head doctor. The head doctor was like yeah I guess you do have a back problem, most likely a herniated disc pinching your nerve (I literally wanted to scream NO $hit!, I've been saying I had one for 4 years!) He set me up with a MRI which ended up showing I indeed did have a herniated disc.

At one point that summer I pulled my lower back and literally couldn't walk for 6 days. I crawled to the bathroom and kitchen for stuff when my parents weren't around because i didn't like them seeing me like that. At one point, I honestly thought about blowing my brains out. Is this something I should admit in counseling? Obviously I'm glad I didn't shoot myself now but when you can't even walk when 20 years old it messes with your head. I just convinced myself I'm useless to the world and would be better off dead so my family wouldn't have to help me anymore.

And to this day, opiates were my best friend to mask the pain and make me feel like I could take on the world. Which, was it really even that bad I that I did opiates for that kind of pain? One semester I went to a college away from my home town and had enough money saved that I didn't have to work and take it easy on my body. I literally didn't take 1 opiate that semester. I did smoke herb almost every day and drank on the weekends. Then after the semester that summer is when my toes turned different colors and when I couldn't walk and started things all over again.
 
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