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Getting Clean

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WantToBeFree72

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 17, 2015
Messages
30
Hey everyone! I've been lurking for the past few months after I had my first withdrawl after a benzo binge. I've been abusing pills for about a year. Percocet, Vicodin, Xanax and Methadone mostly. Not a daily user until things escalated the past few months after my benzo withdrawl. Last month I smoked heroin for the first time and didn't really like it but tried a couple more times. Last weekend I smoked 2 days in a row and the withdrawls started Monday. I've taken vicodin and a ton of percs the last week (way more than I normally would) and it didn't really do a ton which terrifies me. I told my fiancee and Mom and went to the doctor yesterday and told her about the past year. I'm done tomorrow and very scared and don't know what to expect so here I am.
 
Thanks so much for pointing me in the right direction! And I probably will need to vent at times. I already feel the love from this board ❤
 
Hope you do well in getting clean everyone deserves to have what they need in life, your going to experience a nasty few weeks id imagine but I hope you ride it out and stay strong my hearts with you friend!
 
Thank you so much!! I'm preparing for the worst but my hope is I come out a stronger and better person. I'm glad I'm not doing this alone ❤❤
 
I'll tell you from my own personal experience (but keep in mind every person is different), the mental withdrawal is worse than the physical withdrawal. I find the cravings and depression very debilitating. Lethargy hits me pretty hard too though which is definitely a physical symptom that is very noticeable. and Insomnia/restlessness.. lol damn that's a long list already. I guess withdrawal is pretty complicated. :\
 
Yeah I'm definitely feeling it today. It's hard to even gather my thoughts to write this but I think it will help. My whole body hurts and it feels like I'm about to jump out of my own skin. I think that's the worst for me so far, so chilled but sweating so much. My emotions are up and down but when my thoughts start racing I instantly start talking about how I feel to either my Mom or fiancee and have a good cry and it helps for a bit. I feel like I've let out so many secrets the past few days that I feel a little lighter though and I'm so motivated to do this!! Letting go of all the stuff that made me continue to use is good. I feel like the withdrawl pain is punishment for this. I know what would fix it but I can't go there. I don't ever want to go there. ?
 
Just writing to write. This a horrible journey but one I'm very proud of. I'm still moving along and sticking with the plan. Just in pain and so foggy in my head It's hard to write. I feel little flashes like the fog is lifting and that gives continued hope.
 
I went through withdrawal few times. 3 from heroin one from methadone. Every person is deferent and unique but my experience was feeling ok first day, second day sneezing, watery eyes, stuffy nose, cold chills, hot flashes, goosebumps, stomach pain, joints and muscles hurt, anxiety restless legs, didn't sleep. Third day was hardest i had all above plus vomiting and diarrhea at the same time i was pulling my hair and scratching my skin but I knew that if this is not hard I would never learn. I had nothing to help me. Second and third time i got xanax, neurontin, kratom and suboxone and was ok got through it. The mental part was hard I dreamt about drugs and got used to the little ritual of preparing and sniffing it. This time I am doing this by using coke. I do not recommend it it is not safe and didn't work for most actually made it worse but I'm different so it kinda works for me. I think getting like klonopin or xanax or some benzo plus maybe trazadone or melatonin for sleep and neurontin to calm down your brain will be the best bet. You would have to see ur dr for those but they made huge difference for me so good luck:)
 
Thanks for the tips. I'm on day 4 and finally feel like I can see a tiny tiny light at the end of this crappy tunnel. I feel more "normal" than I have in months even while on the stuff. That's bringing on a lot of emotions. Plus I'm so exhausted it's insane. I was able to get valium from my doctor and that's helped a ton. I haven't needed one yet today which is good. I started taking multivitamins, b complex and 5htp today and they really seem to be helping. Not like this isn't still hell but a hell I can handle. I have the worst jaw pain and headache which nothing will touch. I'm eating though and showered and have been sitting up and moving around. I'm meeting a friend for dinner tonight and think I can get through it. She knows what's up though so if I have to bail I will. Just want to get or of the house. Oh and the best part the goosebumps and chills are gone. Yay!! I'm taking every little thing as a win right now. I'm just as motivated as ever. I'm really really doing this!!!! ?❤
 
Just wanted to say I am now on day 9. I feel like a new person back to someone I haven't been in awhile. Reading and taking advice from this board has been a huge help. Anyone that's scared and at the beginning know that it does it get better and you can do!! Once you are committed and ready it will happen. Thanks to all that contribute ❤?
 
I am now on day 20. This has been one of the hardest but most rewarding things I've ever done. I never knew how strong my body and mind were. It's my birthday today and I'm so excited to be with family and friends and doing it sober. I just want anyone who may come across this to know that it DOES get better! At points you feel like this is going to be how you feel forever but it does pass you just have to keep fighting and YOU can do this!! This board has helped me in so many ways. Much love to all that contribute ???
 
Good job man... I remember how easy kicking was when I was just smoking for 2-3 weeks ... Compared to chronic .4-.5 daily IV h use .... It's a whole nother withdrawal... Same goes for methadone that's next level in my eyes of withdrawal pain after IV h . Hopefully this should teach you cause I never knew what I was even going through... And so you know each time you use it gets harder to kick and the quicker it takes to get addicted man.
 
It definitely has been an experience that I will remember forever. It's changed me for the better and I'm never going back!! On day 26 and doing well physically although still dealing with emotional stuff that I had numbed with the pills. I really feel like I couldn't have done it without the advice and support from both this group and family and friends. I'm still taking things day by day but I love myself again and that is the best feeling in the world.
 
I'm going to rehab this week I'm at the end of a 6 month bender of Coke and heroin....
 
I'm on Day 56 now and going strong. You can do it!! Best thing a I've ever done for myself. Sorry I didn't check back earlier. How are you feeling?
 
Congrats man I wish I could say I had your recovery.... I just got outta rehab 4 days ago and as soon I got out I was ordering H.... I'm so disappointed
 
Dellpoker said:
Congrats man I wish I could say I had your recovery.... I just got outta rehab 4 days ago and as soon I got out I was ordering H.... I'm so disappointed
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Don't beat yourself up. Just make a commitment to making an effort to improve your life. Even if you're using, make an effort to use less. As long as you head in a positive direction, you are improving. It will take time, but you can succeed.

Best of luck, Dellpoker.
 
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