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Getting clean for someone else...

Quick update;

Dad has blood poisoning now. Things are getting serious. I've just been to the doctors to have a blood and saliva test myself because golden staph can be transferred between people.

Im waiting on the results.

But It's all been to much for me.

I pinched 2 of my mums leftover 5mg oxycodones and put them up my nose.

It's just to stressful right now. I do want to quit but the idea of both my mum AND dad leaving me soon is to much to bear. I think I just need to try my hardest to stay away from opiates but give sobriety a proper go once all this shit is over.

Way to many curve balls been thrown at me lately. Way to many.

I also want to add how grateful I am of the loving words and support from my fellow blers. Even though it's just the Internet, it's meant alot to me during these hard times.
 
Dude I was in the exact same position as you, two weeks ago. WAY too many curveballs and I felt like I couldn't cope. I was even suicidal and I thought that nothing mattered because of how shitty I was feeling. But it is so selfish to think that way, especially when your family are suffering JUST as much as you are. So I chose to stay sober and to be there for the rest of my family in their time of need. And in return I got the support I needed. It's times like these where the power of the family bond truly shows itself <3

Life isn't fair sometimes but it's how we react to things that matters. You have the CHOICE to stay sober in this time of need of your family. Never let the drugs run your life. Ignore opiates while your family needs you. Your family is a team. It takes all of you to band together and keep each other supported. Don't let some meaningless substance ruin that.

<3
 
^^ My family was never like that. My entire childhood was a household of screaming, yelling, throwing/breaking shit. Day in, day out. eventually my parents had the sense to get divorced, but not after subjecting myself and my sister to senseless violence for years. Now, years later, I live 3000 miles away from my parents, 2000 miles away from my sister, haven't spoken to her more than once in the last year and it was a message on Facebook. I hardly speak to my parents. They support me financially, that's about the full extent of their support.
 
Sorry to hear about your Dad, infectedmushroom ... and your Mom. I can also understand your plight. It's not easy ..... I know. I used to be hooked on codeine as well. Did it for a few years until I got caught. Whatever it is that motivates you to quit is what you've got to tap in on. It sounds like you have a tight knit family, and your parents care for you. That could be reason enough to get straight. I had a fairly close family until an abusive step-father arrived on the scene. We got into a lot of really nasty fights. I wasn't gonna take his crap. He beat the hell out of me as I was maybe 5'10'' 150 at 16 and he was 6'1" 220. 12 years later it was family that caused me to get straight back then. I simply didn't want to loose them.
Best of luck ... and you're not alone.... and are loved.
 
So you've been on codeine and poppy tea for the past 5 months. I had used codeine for less than a year before I switched to morphine. It goes very fast, first taking it orally lost the strength of that gradual come-up, and then i.m. doses became too high for another dose to feel as the previous one. It's not just codeine. I was once laughed at by a physician at a hospital when I told about my codeine use. It's really misguiding that codeine is only 0.1x as strong as morphine or that you can't inject it intravenously so you can't get rush from it. It's been 9 years since I first used codeine and now I'm on Suboxone having been through hellish withdrawal from methadone. I wouldn't have thought, so beware codeine can really be an introduction to terrible opioid addiction.
 
Getting clean for someone else doesn't work. It sounds to me like you haven't had any REAL negative consequences of your drug use. In other words, you haven't hit your bottom yet. Maybe after you get kicked out of your parents house (because you're 21 years old and what the fuck are you doing at home anyways?) and see the less enjoyable side of drug use you'll decide that you can get sober for you.

At this point I would say that you're young. Perhaps you could try going to meetings, but sobriety won't stick unless you want it and work at it.
 
Your much better of quitting a codeine habit than an oxy habit or something down the line because sooner or later codeine isn't going to do anything at all for you. But like a lot of people have said your odds are better if your doing it for yourself not for others.
 
Infected I was in a similar position only my parents did not live with me. Although it is difficult at the moment try to understand that they love you very much and are only trying to do the best for you. They may not understand addiction n if this is the case they will not understand what you are going; the fault process etc.

Although it appears that way when reading your post, I understand that you are not a spoilt brat.

In my case I went onto suboxone because I knew I was not ready to stop so for ME it was a means of harm reduction, addressing the addiction n repairing damaged relationships without the pain n annoyance of the withdrawal process, resentment n so forth.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you should choose drug replacement therapy like suboxone/subutex/methadone etc. I'm just telling you how I dealt with the situation.

No one can tell you to give up - you have to do it for YOU, no one else. It won't work. You have to WANT it more than anything. And if you are still in the honeymoon period of your addiction I can understand how this will be difficult for you. Have you considered therapy to try n understand why you need opiates?

Take care n sorry that I help you more.

Evey <3

PS: i'll give you a downside from my experience. I had £4,600 saving I'm now £4000 in debt. Not just through BUYING codeine but be because I lost my inhibitions so the part of me that would say "don't buy this, that or other" was dampened by the codeine. If you are using OTC the codeine will bemixed with paracetamol or inoprufen which is given you the 'hanger,' n you could end up with kidney/liver failure as well as other consequences.
As others have said you'll end up craving stronger stuff. I have never toucher stronger drugs myself but have craved trying them n started drinking heavily in the evenings hence whymysub is being increased to 12mg.
Please do not underestimate codeine as 'just codeine,' in away it is a weaker former of heroin. It comes from the opium poppy n 10% is turned to morphine in the liver.

I am very sorry for what you n your family are going through right now. My thoughts are with you <3
 
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I'm sure others have mentioned this so I apologise if I'm just rehashing another post in here, but I felt I had to post this, and was in a bit of a hurry so didn't get the chance to read through all of the other posts.

You mention being pretty certain you're not hurting yourself right now, so being unconvinced about the decision to quit - even if that's true (which, in most cases it isn't, because when the harm is bad it's easy to tell yourself "it's not that bad", and when the harm really "isn't that bad" it's easy to tell yourself it's not there at all) - think about the people who want you to quit and why.

Either they have a rational approach to drugs, in which case they've spotted some abuse and that's why they want you to stop - if this is the case, you really do need to stop or at least take a break. If they have an irrational approach to drugs, then just think how seriously worried they are, because it's not "just codeine" to them, this is something a couple chemical bonds away from Heroin which they've heard so many terrifying stories about and all they can think about is that they're going to lose a friend or family member.

So look at it this way, if you're not doing yourself any harm, you're putting them through a lot of pain and stress. At least consider a break to a) show them that your life doesn't revolve around these things, b) prove to yourself that you're right and do not have a problem, and c) distance yourself so that if you ever go back you can take them with more infrequency than you currently do, creating less worry and risk for everyone involved.

Hope this helps - wishing you the best whatever choice you make :)
 
Hiya Jesusgreen, I've been where the OP has been n I think you're post is spot on. When we are in addiction we fail to see the hurt n worry that we are causing others - we think it's the end of the world being without our DOC, like losing a loved one, a dear friend. We think people are trying to control us n so get angry, upset, frustrate n the little voice inside is saying "stop them controlling you - go use," plus a million other messages that end with go use.
Until the OP wants this n is willing to try for himself there's nothing no one else can do.

Take care, Evey xxxx
 
Cancerdead said:
For me personally, I had to want to get clean myself in order to stop. The many times I tried to get clean for the sake of friends and family always, eventually, ended up with me talking myself into getting high when I was bored or just feeling overwhelmed. I did find though that when I decided to quit for me, that thinking about how much less my parents and siblings would be worrying helped motivate me when things were their hardest. You just have to find a reason to want to quit. After 4 or so years of doing suboxone and occasionally mixing them with kolonopin I decided to quit for myself when a dear friend of mine overdosed and passed away. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't wait for something terrible and tragic to happen to decide to quit.
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So true, infectedmushroom you have to get clean because you want to. I did it because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired (the 12-step stuff is just so memorable!). My rock bottom was when I went to Uni in London and had to be put on a methadone program, defer my enrollment for a year, and was unable to get back on methadone. When I returned to Chicago I would get high. Then I went to Nigeria and withdrew from heroin and had to get a letter from a doctor saying I had "malaria" in order to get out of missing school for 2 weeks.

It was Sunday, August 7 2011 the last time I shot up. I have a great support system that I am so grateful for. And now here I am 2 1/2 years later off of Suboxone! Whoot!

I wish you this best infectedmushroom

xx
 
Thats some dilemma, but iv been using for 14 yrs now & only tried to get clean 3 time's, but you know what I like doing it, I like the glow you get , but it is getting weaker by the month in the uk , so I am on maintainance program with methadone & on the look out, is there anything in the so called legal highs line that is as close to H sa possible.?
 
Haven't read the thread, but I imagine I am saying the same as everyone else.

There is only one person you will ever get clean for....YOURSELF!
 
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