Sad gender dysphoria is getting worse (tw: gender dysphoria, self harm)

[spypilot]

shits getting worse
for almost a year i had abstained from self harm but yeah i fucked that up
pencil sharpener blade to the thigh
about 20 cuts across both thighs
theyre healing but my mind isnt
im in a real shitty hole
theres very little chance i get out of it and if i do im probably fall back in
all i can do at this point is limit myself and minimize damage
i knew a guy who started out cutting and doing dxm to cope with school and his recent breakup
now hes dead
he killed himself after he got liver failure from abusing triple cs
im in that hole way deeper than he was and somehow im alive and ill try to keep marching on but at some point its gonna give out and ill be done
end of thread

 

[PtahTek]

hey: i am truly sorry to "hear" you going through this.
not sure if open to it or not but please reach out (again) for professional help.
even if not inclined we can offer no nore than lifeline info and surely you have as mutch of that as youll need in a dozen lifetimes.


a shoulder to cry on? yes we can offer that.
a nin judgemental ear? hopefully there is that still.
a backboard? they abound.
what im trying to convey is that there are no magical answers to everything or we probably wouldnt be here. we are on this journey as well as a part of yours... why are we here? at this point in time? idk.

can you maybe help what it is that you think we can provide? it may be possible. again; idk.

what "grounds" you?
seriously.
go there
and stay as long as possible but come back, yes? promise.

please seek help locally instead of looking for answers in the ether. they can feed on your vulnerabilities and ensnare like a fuzzy prison cell. please take the time and make your next few decisions carefully.

as i like to say: its all good til somebody gets hurt. i stand by that fwiw today. this discounts our own presence as we do not belong to ourselves but only along for a short bumpy ride.

i do understand and feel dysphoric and have for quite some time. i just cannot "connect?" this to gender but wait maybe cause i am overwhelmed by what the world - we are here maybe - is evolving to be. not scared but yeah anxious, depressed, buggy af sometimes and dont want to even go out anymore. idk. i got a lot of shit goin on as well as upholding commitments and responsibilities. woudnt mind not being here but where does that leave others.......
not a guilt, thing
feeling thing
if you have losses you know how it can affect/effect some.

 

[PtahTek]

tl;dr

just be you

ftw

it will take care of itself

be as free as possible while possible

 

[placebonaut]

sounds like a tough time I really feel for you.

have you already gone down the route of seeking professional help and/or support groups? both self harm and dysphoria are pretty heavy topics to try to deal with on your own. Not sure what your support network is like (friends and family), but even if you have good support this can be a big help as well.

just be you

agree with this 100%, it took me quite a lot of time and effort to understand and accept who I am, much happier now as a result but it was a painful and long journey.