Those prisons are awful and they wonder why mlst people become worse when they get out. They practically have ptsd and cant function in society shit sound worse than war zone.
True. He sounded terrified to ever go back there & I honestly cannot blame him.
I've been in jail numerous times, which I know isn't prison, but even then, with how small the rooms are, I was so claustrophobic that it induced anxiety & panic attacks in me. Not to mention there's no clocks or windows, so you have no idea if it's morning, noon or night, which can be really disorienting.
I remember one time I had to go sit two nights in jail for an assault charge. And I knew it was gonna suck from previous stays & make me anxious & panicky, so the night before I had to go sit, I drank 2 bottles of DXM cough syrup & a bottle of vodka to kill my nerves. Not a good idea though cause the next morning, my sister took me to go sit in jail. And you know how you have to be buzzed in from outside? Well when we did the buzzer & I told them what I was there for, I stupidly yelled
"can you put me in a cell with a hot guy!?!?". lol I thought it was hilarious, but I could see my sister was really worried about me.
When I got in there, they asked me if I had been drinking & in my stupidity & I was like "Uhh yeah, how else do you think I was gonna deal with sitting here for 2 nights". These assholes charged me with public intox (which got thrown out thankfully) right then & there.
They put me in the drunk tank & left me in there for the whole 2 nights. I pretty much laid on the floor with a blanket wrapped around my neck (like I was trying to hang myself lol) and then the second day I spent it pacing back & forth & constantly asking all the sheriffs what time it was whenever I saw one come through. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there.
Did 2 nights another time as well, but I took tramadol before I went in. Which made the 1st night super easy cause I was feeling really good.
But that 2nd day, the withdrawals were creeping in & I could not sleep until I got of there after the following night. Only crazy thing I remember about that though was I had to share a cell with a big fat black man & a really good looking Serbian guy. And when I got in there, the black guy kept talking about raping me & trying to come over to my side of the cell. But the Serbian guy told him to knock it off, I dunno if the black guy was just messing with me or what though. And I remember the Serbian guy woke me up in the middle of the night because he said it looked like I was having a seizure, but I've never had any seizures that I'm aware of. I was probably just shaking & jerking in my sleep from the serotonergic aspects of the tramadol. But I remember him being a hot guy & he had a couple pictures of his girlfriend that he was waiting to get out & go back to. I'm glad I shared a cell with him & not TWO big horny black guys. lol Cause the Serbian guy seemed like some one who looked out for others & I liked that about him.
I refused to take a dump with everyone watching me the entire time too. lol I dunno how the fuck people deal with that. It's seems like such a humiliating thing. lol
Just that alone fucking sucked tho, so I couldn't imagine the time my dealer must've done & how bad it hardened him & just made him worse off.
He wasn't a bad guy, but the life he had to live caused him to have to do shit he'll probably regret for the rest of his life now. He still has a special spot in my heart & memory though, as the guy that gave me & my friends some wonderful times & memories. I'll never forget him!
Still strange though to think he could've killed me or something at any time. lol Although I don't think he'd kill somebody for no good reason, since it's not like he was a serial killer or something who got pleasure out of it or anything. So I think I was safe with him. I would ride with him places alone here or there, so he could have easily murdered my ass if he wanted. lol
There was another time I road with these 2 black dudes to Des Moines to go to his house & get some heroin. And while everyone was nodding off,they were spinning a gun around & playing with a gun. I'm like...
"am I about to get killed tonight or are ya'll just trying to be cool?"...Keep in mind I'm the only white guy there. lol I had to practically drag them off the couch from nodding so hard, so that we could get our asses back driving home. I wasn't nodding at all, cause I had a "halfa-tolerance" from being on subs. And then I had to ride back home 2.5hrs with these two guys & I had bought the most heroin that night. I had never ridden with them anywhere before (atleast not these guys) but I knew them, so all that kept going through my mind on the way home was A) "I hope we don't get pulled over" and B) "I hope these two don't try & rob me because I bought the most brown".... But we made it home & everything was fine. lol These guys
could have hurt me at any time & they never did. Of course they all knew they would've had to deal with the rage of my German/Polish mother if anything happened to me too. lol So that was probably a good deterrent. lol
