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Games people play

Beatlebot

Beatlebot

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May 11, 2003
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Reading throught this forum lately I have noticed many people referring to the games people play in relationships. I know that I have played games in the past and I've had games played on me. Thankfully I think I have grown out of that part of my life now but I'm curious about these games -

What games have you played? What games have been played on you?

One game a crazy ex used to play with me involved a picture of us together in a frame in our bedroom. There were actually two pictures in the frame, one behind the other so that only one was ever on display.

When everything was going well between us (meaning he was happy with me) he'd have the picture of us on display. When things between us got rocky (meaning I had been standing up for myself) he'd open the frame and swap the picture around to show the one behind - which was of a married couple, one half of which I knew he hated. I guess the idea was that I was supposed to see this and get scared that he didn't love me that much anymore.

So please share... What games have you witnessed in relationships in the past?
 
I think just about all relationships involve some sort of game playing - however I also feel that many are unintentional!

If a guy I was with did the photo thing, I'd probably laugh and think he was a bit of a dick! Seriously, my ex used to write his own music and whenever he got in a fowl mood with me he'd go into the spare room and sing songs about what a bitch I was to him. lmao - I used to hide in 'our' room and giggle my sweet li'l ass off! I never caused an issue out of it, I'd just say "that song you were singing had a really nice melody" or "hey, come sing that one to me - creative lyrics" or something along those lines. Pretty godamn ammatuer (him, of course) if you ask me - which is probably why I found it a laugh and a half. Funny thing is, he genuinely seemed quite impressed with the context of his writing and was more than happy to give me a live demontration. He was always quite embaressed after the moment passed and apologetic - I would say "no, no, I really got enjoyment out of that! Feel free to perform your frustration live as you please".

Here's a demo.. ;) (this one is half a compliment at least!). Last verse only (small)!
You're just a pretty face

I wonder if you've grown, or even if you've changed
But I know someday you will learn
You're just a pretty face, you're just a pretty face
That's all you ever were....
Just a pretty face!

THIS SONG WAS THE RESULT OF GETTING CHATTED UP ON A BUS IN HIS PRESENCE! Yes, he was quite the jelous type... I had my arm around him the whole time too! :D

I tend to ignore peoples games to the best of my ability. If my partner wanted to plaster photo's of other naked women around the house or sing songs about me - that's their choice! Whatever gets them through the day! At the end of the day, if their anger was that bad - they can always make the decision to break up! I'm in no way saying that's what I'd want, however I pay little notice to this petty shit! Attention is what they want and they're not going to get it from me! That would only give them the feeling of power to continue.. if they're going to act all stupid, I at least hope to make them feel like a goose for it. << I guess that's where my game is... ;) See? It's a type of game I wouldn't go out of my way to play intentionally - but I just seemed to get forced into that position. Ultimate head fuck really... and they can't even say much about it cept' "I'm sorry, I was a bit of a dick yeah?"........ "yeah, agreed."

*hugs*:)
 
I love playin games with boys! They do NOT know what they're gettin themselves into, but they always fuck things up in the beginning and the games have started. I will own your ass, let's play those games! You will not win, that's for sure, and you will not enjoy the games so much once your ass gets owned badly! I love schoolin boys at what they think is their own game, they do not know what's up, and I will fuck things up for them for awhile. If you give me a reason to play games with you, then just watch for the shock waves in all your shit. I'll show you boys what's up! I'd school your ass all the way around the playground! Wanna play? :)
 
jeN2O said:
I love playin games with boys! They do NOT know what they're gettin themselves into, but they always fuck things up in the beginning and the games have started. I will own your ass, let's play those games! You will not win, that's for sure, and you will not enjoy the games so much once your ass gets owned badly! I love schoolin boys at what they think is their own game, they do not know what's up, and I will fuck things up for them for awhile. If you give me a reason to play games with you, then just watch for the shock waves in all your shit. I'll show you boys what's up! I'd school your ass all the way around the playground! Wanna play? :)
Click to expand...

Just curious... after reading this and other posts of yours...How old are you??
 
I have to admit, I have played games and also have been played. A lot of the time when I did play them they were unintentional, and I didn't realize exactly I was playing a game until later...

One I use to play is the whole "jealousy" game, to see just how jealous or how jealous I could make someone. I would only play this game, when i felt as if I was being 'neglected' etc.. I wanted reassurance that the guy still actually wanted me. If he got jealous, he did, if he didn't, then I'd subconsciously started ruining my relationship because I wasn't happy, instead of just breaking up with the guy, because I was scared of being alone. I did this a lot when I was a stupid teenager. I've grown to appreciate independance and being single more and could care less about playing these games.

As for one that has been played ON me. I find OFTEN that I hook up with guys who like to play the stupid "CHASE" game. I can't STAND that shit. I use to play chase until it got REALLLLY old. I REFUSE to chase after someone now. I got tired of trying to be with someone who only wanted to be with me when THEY wanted, and when I wanted to, it was too inconvienent. They'd give me what I wanted, left for awhile until i came back for more. NOW, if I see someone is trying to play this game, I simply straight out say to them "Ya know what? Fuck you. You can play cat and mouse with someone else, because I sure as hell am not going to be playing chase with you."

I experienced this recently with a "fuck buddy" I had. He wanted it ONLY when HE wanted it, but when i did, it was "oh we'll see.." and he'd never give me a definite answer. It QUICKLY got old and I think I handled it a bit harshly by saying.. "fuck you, I'm done with you." ( I was just mad/irritated at the time). and he got cocky and replyed "Whatever.. you'll be back.", Never went back. :D fucker.
 
When everything was going well between us (meaning he was happy with me) he'd have the picture of us on display. When things between us got rocky (meaning I had been standing up for myself) he'd open the frame and swap the picture around to show the one behind - which was of a married couple, one half of which I knew he hated. I guess the idea was that I was supposed to see this and get scared that he didn't love me that much anymore.
Click to expand...

if this was a straight man doing this

he does not have a pair of balls

those things u had in your mouth and hands? those were labia, just formed really mutatedly.
 
"When everything was going well between us (meaning he was happy with me) he'd have the picture of us on display. When things between us got rocky (meaning I had been standing up for myself) he'd open the frame and swap the picture around to show the one behind - which was of a married couple, one half of which I knew he hated. I guess the idea was that I was supposed to see this and get scared that he didn't love me that much anymore.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




if this was a straight man doing this

he does not have a pair of balls

those things u had in your mouth and hands? those were labia, just formed really mutatedly."



FUCKING HILARIOUS!
 
Yes well, thanks for bringing up the gender issue in this :D

It's not just girls that play games and manipulate though is it? So far no man has posted about a game that a girl has played on him within a relationship, I'd be interested to hear about it from a man's perspective.

It's like today, my partner was pointing out a discussion we had over a year ago where we had opposing views. Now I have changed my mind and hold the same views on the matter as he does.
I said to him, "Yes you were right dear. Men like to hear that don't they, that they were right?"
To which my partner replied, "Everyone likes to hear they were right"

And he's right again :)

The point is that we are all human and I don't think there are any faults that one particular gender has that the other gender is immune from. We are all capable of playing games and manipulating people, we all like to hear that we were right, we are all capable of cheating. So let's please not suggest that playing games in a relationship is only something that women do, because that's just not true.

But thanks anyway, Wood ;)
 
I guess the idea was that I was supposed to see this and get scared that he didn't love me that much anymore.
Click to expand...

I bet that had you shaking in your boots. I love how some people like to think their SO would crumble into nothing without their presence. My friend's bf always tells her (in a more direct way than your ex) "Go ahead, hang up on me. We'll see what happens..." and other similar threats. Hah!

-The game I am in the most as a reciever and giver is the passive agressive nonsense such as extended silent treatments, making offhanded comments about forbidden topics etc.

The cheating game is something I never took part in. If I want to be a slut I will be a slut, without leading someone on to think I've committed.
 
I also used to be really bad with the passive-aggressive bullshit. Things like holding grudges, whinging, wheedling, and not actually telling people when they did wrong. They should have known! If they didn't know, then they didn't care!

Oh, I was so hard-done-by! Oh, I was so neglected! Oh, how I was slighted!

Oh, how self-centered, neurotic, and immature I was. 8)

Pretty shameful now that I think back.
 
I have an ex who surprised me several times by, well, putting on recordings of he and his ex making love. He even did it once after I cried, and it made me feel inadequate as I didn't feel I "measured up" because I wasn't as verbally responsive as his ex was, it would seem. It was humiliating and that's one of several reasons he's in the past tense. It was a game to manipulate me and break me down mentally. Fuck that.

Beatlebot, I sense your partner may have been emotionally abusive in a similar way. :(

I certainly express my enjoyment when I'm making love to a man... I am more of a sweet-talker than a screamer. :) I kind of feel inadequate sometimes because I am vocal during sex but not like "porn star" vocal. It would not occur to me to scream "OH FUCK YEAH FUCK ME HARDER FUCK YEAH" during sex... maybe that's something I need to work on. :D ;)

I don't hold grudges, I'm pretty good at seeing to the heart of situations and speaking my mind and I have little tolerance for people who attempt to manipulate me. :)
 
Originally posted by mariposa420
I certainly express my enjoyment when I'm making love to a man... I am more of a sweet-talker than a screamer. :) I kind of feel inadequate sometimes because I am vocal during sex but not like "porn star" vocal. It would not occur to me to scream "OH FUCK YEAH FUCK ME HARDER FUCK YEAH" during sex... maybe that's something I need to work on. :D ;)



It freaks me the fuck out when I'm with a woman and she screaming holy hell right in my ear. I appreciate the enthusiasm but I like it toned down a bit. Whispering, moaning, groaning, etc. etc. is the way to go.
 
jeN2O said:
I love playin games with boys! They do NOT know what they're gettin themselves into, but they always fuck things up in the beginning and the games have started. I will own your ass, let's play those games! You will not win, that's for sure, and you will not enjoy the games so much once your ass gets owned badly! I love schoolin boys at what they think is their own game, they do not know what's up, and I will fuck things up for them for awhile. If you give me a reason to play games with you, then just watch for the shock waves in all your shit. I'll show you boys what's up! I'd school your ass all the way around the playground! Wanna play? :)
Click to expand...

I think you need to get railed really hard from behind. I have some friends who want in too.

I've even got duct tape...

Wanna play?
 
was always blamed for being a game player in groups, then its all kiss and tell or scratch and sniff
 
Im glad the Games phase in my life is OVERRRRR. And yeah, i earned my stripes. Several medals even. But that is soooo not a priority in my life anymore ...im done beating around the goddamn bush.
 
roshy said:
I also used to be really bad with the passive-aggressive bullshit. Things like holding grudges, whinging, wheedling, and not actually telling people when they did wrong. They should have known! If they didn't know, then they didn't care!

Oh, I was so hard-done-by! Oh, I was so neglected! Oh, how I was slighted!

Oh, how self-centered, neurotic, and immature I was. 8)

Pretty shameful now that I think back.
Click to expand...

+1 :(
 
Beatlebot said:
+1 :(
Click to expand...

+2 :(

I'm a guy, and I definitely play games. To be honest, I do it to manipulate people or situations because I'm not secure and assertive enough to deal with them directly.

But on another note, game playing isn't just confined to relationships with S/Os. Eric Berne wrote a few books, the most notable one aptly named 'Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships', and developed Transactional Analysis (Noodle mentioned it earlier) and Script Theory. There are actual names for certain games that people play, because Berne often encountered them in his interactions with people, and needed a way to label them. Some of the common ones are:
"Why don't you - yes but" - where someone tries to elicit reassurance, but has resistances that always triumph in the aim of trumping the other.
"Ain't it awful" - in general, a game played to elicit pity (but also played for other advantages in other contexts).
"If it weren't for you" - A method of avoiding responsibility, guilt and blame, while making the other uneasy by placing all the responsibilities on them.
 
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