yeah, man. i have the phenibut and kratom going on still but also at the same or lower dose for the past 5 years or so. bout the time i signed up here. actually fucked up recently but it was short lived as thoughts of the past came and the pangs of it was stronger than the need to carry on with my junkie stuntin'. two days. feel like shit about it now.... cagey like. hating that i spent that money and the repercussions that without fail always come with the "much deserved breaks" that materializes out of nowhere it would seem.
wonder how many judge a person on first impression of an ass. is this what others are to us? ya either got it or ya dont. lol
ass class
also was wondering lately if most of my own "learned" empathy was legitimate or not. guess what i am spittin is if one who as an abused/used child had very little empathy and showed signs of a socio/psychopath in the making could "learn" and express genuine love/empathy for others.
have i learned how to care or is it just mask of a mentally ill and possibly unstable individual?
can we "learn" to love is what i wonder.
schizo said something like this somewhere around here a few months back. kinda fueled my thoughts as to the validity of my "learned" deep empathy.
good luck with this and if ya find a valid path please share it? honestly this short fuse since that child has lingered to this day. lots of times i will get too emotional to express what i am feeling and words cannot be formed communicate and i usually get angry and the situation escalates until i leave or get locked up. this is real.
not trying to make this is about me. maybe it is evidence that there are others in the same predicaments. sharing seems to help analize what is going on and possibly exspose some insight that can be used to "fix" the issue or at least express in words what the fuck is going on in this being. couldnt actually say all this that i have expressed in this post face to face. chances are i would be angry by now.
on another note. wtf dont do go to a spot in south florida to "get right". great time re climate. the weather is possibly the only thing i like about fl now. lol it is a dark place and takes a lot of lives. crazy how heaven and hell can fill the same place and time.
but yeah if i ever choose to rehab i will bounce my happy ass to popano beach, fort lauderdale or palm beach. def palm beach. lol i seen and experienced it for about two weeks. needed of the street til i had cash to get back to sc. just got outta jail. xannies, opioids and assault on leo. they treated me good, did the "program", met some great people, heard some helpful information but didnt share much. guess it wasnt time.
i been movin shit around solo last coupla days. had to get a place and it took me a while. been busy mostly but just saw the resposes. wasnt following (am now) and wasnt quoted so my bad for the delayed get back.
brother i wish ya the very best, hope peace/happiness finds you and also that ya stay around as much as possible here. some find "freedom" within these blue halls and some find their demise. guess it may depend on what we lookin for. maybe. i still done know it would seem.
love always
j
still got the same digits, so....
ed
there are those less unfortunate. many.
got a roof, food, running water, and can go in any direction at any time "freedom".
this is the rub, no?
loathe even thinkin about it.
love that ya'll still together. this means something imo.
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Well done!! 
