BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
^fantastic!
I'd like to be able to say that next December.
I'd like to be able to say that next December.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Fresh Starts and New Lives. The January 2015 getting and staying sober thread.
- Thread starter neversickanymore
- Start date
- Status
Blue: You've made 10 steps forward, only 1 step backward. It's a minor setback. I'm five months off pills, and I am FINALLY starting to feel my energy come back. You can do it...just wait for the day when everything finally turns bright again.
wow cicerogrinds! thats a great job! not many people can stay 11 months sober, yet 11 days!!
i had a good day today, what would make it an even better day is if i could actually fall asleep tonight! my sleep schedule has been all fucked up and i am trying to get it back to normal.
i had a good day today, what would make it an even better day is if i could actually fall asleep tonight! my sleep schedule has been all fucked up and i am trying to get it back to normal.
Almost at day 9 off almost 2 years of suboxone maintenance and yeah it sucks but I've never felt more mentally positive.
Took a week off work and on day 7 clean had to go back. Def not fun but stayin busy is HUGE. Walking a few miles everyday on my lunch break and looking forward to solid blocks of sleep one day haha. Ahhhh I almost feel I deserve this or that it's almost funny in a sick way.
I know soon enough I will be OK. Staying busy and Imodium are my best friends and more than anything acceptance of the situation. I mean after all... IF YOU WANA DANCE YOU GOTTA PAY THE PIPER.
Congrats and good luck to everyone taking steps to better themselves. Happy 2015
and anyone thinking ab jumping off subs you CAN DO IT. Don't let the horror stories fool you! I jumped from 1mg a day after tapering down from 4mg and if I can do it I know you can too and I'm not even taking any prescription meds to ease the pain. All natural baby. Believe in yourself and stop buying in to the hype of how miserable you will be.
Ps.... For frame of reference: Prior to being on subs for ab 1.5-2 yrs I was doing oxy, tramadol, H, opanas... Pretty much anything for almost 5 yrs.
Took a week off work and on day 7 clean had to go back. Def not fun but stayin busy is HUGE. Walking a few miles everyday on my lunch break and looking forward to solid blocks of sleep one day haha. Ahhhh I almost feel I deserve this or that it's almost funny in a sick way.
I know soon enough I will be OK. Staying busy and Imodium are my best friends and more than anything acceptance of the situation. I mean after all... IF YOU WANA DANCE YOU GOTTA PAY THE PIPER.
Congrats and good luck to everyone taking steps to better themselves. Happy 2015
and anyone thinking ab jumping off subs you CAN DO IT. Don't let the horror stories fool you! I jumped from 1mg a day after tapering down from 4mg and if I can do it I know you can too and I'm not even taking any prescription meds to ease the pain. All natural baby. Believe in yourself and stop buying in to the hype of how miserable you will be.Ps.... For frame of reference: Prior to being on subs for ab 1.5-2 yrs I was doing oxy, tramadol, H, opanas... Pretty much anything for almost 5 yrs.
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cicerogrinds
Bluelighter
thanks neversickanymore... i think i finally get it ..this is the longest i been sober in 10yrs if you take away the one slip up bag i did for my bday i would have 15months clean time
lacaster each day it slowly gets better. HANG IN THERE!
lacaster each day it slowly gets better. HANG IN THERE!
SteeleyJ
Bluelighter
I had a few weeks where I relapsed in between clinics. I thought i'd be fine when i got told i was being admin detoxed 3mg/day from 130 to 0 for dropping dirty for cocaine. ( dropped dirty 2 times. 2 months before with benzos and pot and then cocaine 2 weeks in a row...even though I stopped 6 days before the second week.
Anyway I was fine tapering.... around 70mg I wanted to stop for 5-6 days.... at 30mg to 0. It got bad and i went back to dope for 2 weeks. Now I'm at a different clinic. I'm having bad craving for cocaine though.
Anyway I was fine tapering.... around 70mg I wanted to stop for 5-6 days.... at 30mg to 0. It got bad and i went back to dope for 2 weeks. Now I'm at a different clinic. I'm having bad craving for cocaine though.
^ coke cravings are the worst i have ever experienced.
Im tired as they come.. going to drop of to sleep like the dead.
24 more for all us good people
Im tired as they come.. going to drop of to sleep like the dead.
24 more for all us good people
Smoky
Bluelight Crew
Congratulations everyone !
8 months and 22 days, my GF relapsed almost two weeks ago. She has been doing much better since, but it has been a challenge mainly for her but also for me.
Coke cravings are a huge pain in the ass, I tend to get them more then anything else and I was a booze, opiate and benzo guy (who also did a decent amount of coke)
Coke cravings are a huge pain in the ass, I tend to get them more then anything else and I was a booze, opiate and benzo guy (who also did a decent amount of coke)
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
I'm so sorry laCaster
Erikmen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 3, 2014
- Messages
- 20,707
I think we never feel normal again. I´m sorry you relapsed. It happens to everyone and it´s part of the package. Of course you´ll get through this and win. You know the way and I believe this is what you want.
Tomorrow is another day. Good luck
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
Thank you Erikmen. It was just that one day, I did the rest of it so I wouldn't do it the next day, because that would've turned into the next day, and the next...
It IS what i want, to be sober... I was just so tired of feeling crappy. Everytime I relapse though, once Ive done it I always think "I wish I hadn't done this, I should've just stuck it out". At least I limited this run to one day... its usually a few days or a week before I can make myself stop.
By normal I dont mean like everyone else, I just mean feel ok physically and mentally, instead of being down and/or anxious, and physically feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. It's obviously nothing like cold turkey WD but its as bad in its own way because it feels like it never ends. Day after day of not really being able to enjoy anything, whether its books or tv or people or food or whatever. It just got to the point the other night were I was like fuck it, I really dont care, I JUST WANT TO FEEL OK FOR ONE SECOND. It's not even about getting high, its about being able to enjoy being alive and being a human being.
Maybe cold turkey would be better for me, in some ways I think it would be, but I can't do it. I dont have the willpower knowing I can get subs or dope.
Ive made progress tho, I didnt go back up to 2mg sub, I'm still on 1... but as little as that is its hard to go off it considering it doesnt even really hold me.
A couple more days and im going to try going to .5. I'm not giving up, I want to be clean and happy for this summer. Last summer sucked in a lot of ways, I dont want this one to be that way, and I"m not going to let it.
It IS what i want, to be sober... I was just so tired of feeling crappy. Everytime I relapse though, once Ive done it I always think "I wish I hadn't done this, I should've just stuck it out". At least I limited this run to one day... its usually a few days or a week before I can make myself stop.
By normal I dont mean like everyone else, I just mean feel ok physically and mentally, instead of being down and/or anxious, and physically feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. It's obviously nothing like cold turkey WD but its as bad in its own way because it feels like it never ends. Day after day of not really being able to enjoy anything, whether its books or tv or people or food or whatever. It just got to the point the other night were I was like fuck it, I really dont care, I JUST WANT TO FEEL OK FOR ONE SECOND. It's not even about getting high, its about being able to enjoy being alive and being a human being.
Maybe cold turkey would be better for me, in some ways I think it would be, but I can't do it. I dont have the willpower knowing I can get subs or dope.
Ive made progress tho, I didnt go back up to 2mg sub, I'm still on 1... but as little as that is its hard to go off it considering it doesnt even really hold me.
A couple more days and im going to try going to .5. I'm not giving up, I want to be clean and happy for this summer. Last summer sucked in a lot of ways, I dont want this one to be that way, and I"m not going to let it.
Day 12 of cold turkey off subs. Jumped at 1mg. See earlier post. Almost 2 yrs on subs, started at high doses of around 2-3 8mg strips and tapered after 5 years of oxy, H, whatever. I turned the corner, can naturally sleep, am working and have NO CRAVINGS OR ACUT SYMPTOMS. I forced myself to be healthy, stay busy, and walk a few miles on my lunch at work everyday.
This is my second attempt, jumped too high last time but IT CAN BE DONE. So much of it is attitude and your mentality. Yeah the first 8 or so days fuckin sucked but if you want to stop you can stop. Stop making excuses for yourself and feeding into the online fear mongering and weak people. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but ppl need to for once see something positive instead of all this "woe is me". We made our beds and we have to lie in them. It all comes down to what you truly want in your heart and will power.
Anyone reading this... Have hope. You can do it. Reading the Internet terrified me and stressed me out so bad ab jumping from 1mg and now I just think so many of those ppl who couldn't hack it were weak or didnt have the right attitude. I was NO MINOR ADDICT and here I am on day 12 feeling good physically and mentally. Perfect? FUCK NO. But I know I'm on the right path and I white knuckled w no comfort meds but vitamins and Imodium. Sack up ppl. Believe in yourself. Stop the self pity. Ignore the negative voices in your life and online and DO IT. Do it for yourself, your family, for your future. I'm sick of all the terror spreading online. Take a week or two off work and ACCEPT your situation and make the best of it. LEARN from it. REMEMBER THIS DAY.
I feel like no one responds to shit I say bc I'm not pissing and moaning but I feel a responsibility to be a rare voice of positivity and hope to any random passerby who reads without posting. Have faith and believe in yourself. Much love to all those in the struggle who want to be positive.
This is my second attempt, jumped too high last time but IT CAN BE DONE. So much of it is attitude and your mentality. Yeah the first 8 or so days fuckin sucked but if you want to stop you can stop. Stop making excuses for yourself and feeding into the online fear mongering and weak people. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but ppl need to for once see something positive instead of all this "woe is me". We made our beds and we have to lie in them. It all comes down to what you truly want in your heart and will power.
Anyone reading this... Have hope. You can do it. Reading the Internet terrified me and stressed me out so bad ab jumping from 1mg and now I just think so many of those ppl who couldn't hack it were weak or didnt have the right attitude. I was NO MINOR ADDICT and here I am on day 12 feeling good physically and mentally. Perfect? FUCK NO. But I know I'm on the right path and I white knuckled w no comfort meds but vitamins and Imodium. Sack up ppl. Believe in yourself. Stop the self pity. Ignore the negative voices in your life and online and DO IT. Do it for yourself, your family, for your future. I'm sick of all the terror spreading online. Take a week or two off work and ACCEPT your situation and make the best of it. LEARN from it. REMEMBER THIS DAY.
I feel like no one responds to shit I say bc I'm not pissing and moaning but I feel a responsibility to be a rare voice of positivity and hope to any random passerby who reads without posting. Have faith and believe in yourself. Much love to all those in the struggle who want to be positive.
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
THank you for posting... I needed to read that tonight. I want to jump soon, I"m on 1mg right now, relapsed a few days ago but only for one day. I've said this before, I hate the no mans land of being on subs/methadone. Thinking I might jump in a week or so and just get it over with. I"m miserable anyway might as well be accomplishing something instead of just coasting a long on subs, not happy but not getting better...
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
Oh and if the "pissing and moaning" bit was aimed at me, this place is the only place I have to vent about quitting. Like one person knows I relapsed and am now on subs, everyone else in my life thinks I'm clean. I dont want to disappoint them, so I'm just doing this on my own. Sometimes it's come here and say how I feel, or go use, so I choose to come here.
Hey and welcome to BL
Congratulations on 12 days amazing work keep it up.
Good thinking and smart approach imo.
Willpower can take someone through the acutes, but how do you think it fares against addiction?
You just struggled with opiate physical dependence for seven years. You have now finally made the final push to get of and are 12 days clean. Im surprised you think is true.? This shits hard for many people including apparently you. To help people with this we need to build them up. Active addicts spend a good part of their days unjustly judging themselves in the most negative ways.
I doubt this will offend anyone around here as there are no weak people and there certainly isn't any "online fear mongering" going down around here either.
If you want to share how much Imodium are you taking?
You seem pretty fired up and you should be as you have conquered a major milestone Once again congratulations.
Many times when people finally get through the acute withdrawal they experience a few days of a hypo manic type state. For some people this lasts for about three days and then the PAWS shows it face. I have seen quite a few people slide into depression after a short hypomanic state that lasted 2 to 3 days. I'm no t saying this is guaranteed and you seem to have tapered off nicely. But if you currently feel like the world is your oyster, that you can do pretty much anything, are sexually keyed up and horny, are thinking incredibly clearly and quickly, are making very ambitious plans for your future.. Then I would use some of that state of mind to read through and come up with a plan to deal with any paws you may end up getting hit with.
Here is some information on PAWS.. you seem to be doing a whole bunch of this already, which is great. In a month or two I would really recommend upping your exercise level just a bit on some of the days. I believe that if you added some type of aerobic exercise into your daily walks you would heal faster and feel better while you are. No need to add it right away. Walking is a great way to replenish important neurotransmitters like dopamine and noradrenalin. Its important to have a good supply of these saved up when the jump to aerobic exercise is taken. If you end up switching to aerobic and right after you workout you feel amazing, but then a little later on you feel pretty awful.. fatigued etc then I Would return to just long walks for another month.
paws links
I understand that you are posting this in a well meaning way with nothing but the best intentions. What thoughts could you have had if i approached you a few weeks ago or right after your first attempt and said something like "Kbaka187 "sack up" loose the dress already." You would have told me to fuk off and to go fly a kite and rightfully so.
Addicts already have the voices in their heads telling them they are worthless, that they are weak. Filling them with shame, guilt, self doubt, etc.. Do you think this approach to motivate people is the strongest approach?
Great advice!! I wonder if in a year, when you look back at places you were on the net.. or when you read stuff after this time will your experience be the same. Addiction is a giant mind fuck.. how much of this do you think was in your own head? How much of this was your perception at that time.
Physical dependence is very hard to beat and you have done a great job hopefully slaying this dragon for good. Its what we all focus on in the beginning. Its a huge accomplishment and i consider my detox to be a major accomplishment. But if your experience is like mine and many others, what follows is a lot harder to do. Not as physically unpleasant, but a whole new challenge for many people.
Again congratulations on the twelve days!!!
Whats your plan now?
Congratulations on 12 days amazing work keep it up.
Good thinking and smart approach imo.
Willpower can take someone through the acutes, but how do you think it fares against addiction?
You just struggled with opiate physical dependence for seven years. You have now finally made the final push to get of and are 12 days clean. Im surprised you think is true.? This shits hard for many people including apparently you. To help people with this we need to build them up. Active addicts spend a good part of their days unjustly judging themselves in the most negative ways.
I doubt this will offend anyone around here as there are no weak people and there certainly isn't any "online fear mongering" going down around here either.
If you want to share how much Imodium are you taking?
You seem pretty fired up and you should be as you have conquered a major milestone Once again congratulations.
Many times when people finally get through the acute withdrawal they experience a few days of a hypo manic type state. For some people this lasts for about three days and then the PAWS shows it face. I have seen quite a few people slide into depression after a short hypomanic state that lasted 2 to 3 days. I'm no t saying this is guaranteed and you seem to have tapered off nicely. But if you currently feel like the world is your oyster, that you can do pretty much anything, are sexually keyed up and horny, are thinking incredibly clearly and quickly, are making very ambitious plans for your future.. Then I would use some of that state of mind to read through and come up with a plan to deal with any paws you may end up getting hit with.
Here is some information on PAWS.. you seem to be doing a whole bunch of this already, which is great. In a month or two I would really recommend upping your exercise level just a bit on some of the days. I believe that if you added some type of aerobic exercise into your daily walks you would heal faster and feel better while you are. No need to add it right away. Walking is a great way to replenish important neurotransmitters like dopamine and noradrenalin. Its important to have a good supply of these saved up when the jump to aerobic exercise is taken. If you end up switching to aerobic and right after you workout you feel amazing, but then a little later on you feel pretty awful.. fatigued etc then I Would return to just long walks for another month.
paws links
NSFW:
I understand that you are posting this in a well meaning way with nothing but the best intentions. What thoughts could you have had if i approached you a few weeks ago or right after your first attempt and said something like "Kbaka187 "sack up" loose the dress already." You would have told me to fuk off and to go fly a kite and rightfully so.
Addicts already have the voices in their heads telling them they are worthless, that they are weak. Filling them with shame, guilt, self doubt, etc.. Do you think this approach to motivate people is the strongest approach?
Great advice!! I wonder if in a year, when you look back at places you were on the net.. or when you read stuff after this time will your experience be the same. Addiction is a giant mind fuck.. how much of this do you think was in your own head? How much of this was your perception at that time.
Physical dependence is very hard to beat and you have done a great job hopefully slaying this dragon for good. Its what we all focus on in the beginning. Its a huge accomplishment and i consider my detox to be a major accomplishment. But if your experience is like mine and many others, what follows is a lot harder to do. Not as physically unpleasant, but a whole new challenge for many people.
Again congratulations on the twelve days!!!
Whats your plan now?
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