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Fresh Starts and New Lives. The January 2015 getting and staying sober thread.

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aw anytime love, glad I could make you smile!! <3 Good luck (not that you need it... ;p)

another day down... officially the longest I've been sober since the last time I got clean (which was like a year and a half ago). I'm a little nervous about how the Sub withdrawals will be since I totally dropped the ball on doing a proper taper. I've just been taking small doses whenever I've felt like I really needed it. I don't exceed more than like 4mg a day, but still... my dosing has been so up and down. Like yesterday, I only dosed once in the afternoon. But today I dosed three times... ahh idk. I'm not allowing myself anymore today and don't feel like I need it anyway, but I think tomorrow I'm just going to try to dose once in the afternoon, then nothing the day after that. At the very least, I need to start spacing them out more consistently. Or maybe I'll even try to avoid dosing tomorrow and save it for the day after...

well whatever. I'm gonna have to go through the Sub withdrawals regardless, given that it's such a short taper I'm pretty sure they're gonna be the same no matter what I do at this point. So fuck it. Might as well just try to jump off tomorrow and get it all over with!!
 
jonic said:
Am new to this place but have no one to share what I am going through with. Day 2 off opiates, have tried this so many freaking times and always go back. Lucky I have a few benzos to help though some of the physical stuff but mentally, I have no desire to do anything, cooking, cleaning etc. I'm flat, depressed and don't want to go to work. I am snapping and getting angry with everyone I know, including my gorgeous little boy (the reason I am determined to do this).
I have no idea what's normal and what's not anymore cos being high is all I have known for so long now. TBH I'm terrified of what's out there for me sober. I just want to use so everything makes sense to me again. But I will not.
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Not knowing normal is normal and it may sound like a long time now but give it a few weeks and you should be feeling a lot better. After going thru withdrawals not being high but actually feeling good about yourself is a high in it self.
 
I can relate jonic. I dont know what normal is either-i really dont. Im just trying to have faith that things will get better... But im going through the same thing-no motivation to do anything. I just keep reminding myself it's a byproduct of withdrawal, and it will get better.
 
NSFW:
neversickanymore said:
Aright.. once more into the breech. I am about to throw in the last two dips of my life, then im flushing the rest of that crap.

line-in-the-sand1.jpeg


Come what may, from that point forward im not going to use tobacco or nicotine in any forum.

i have my undeniable truth formulated. Im going to flip the argument against the addiction immediately so it can ware its ass out instead of breaking me down. Then i'm going to start knocking off triggers. The more I knock off the easier it gets. If it gets real intense i will remind myself that it will pass. When a triggered crave wave finally crashes and i'm still there it will explode into mist and I wont see it again.

it will be a struggle for a bit, then a challenge for awhile, then random trigger traps until they are gone. Last time i caved at five months under the in an addicts dream clause.. The old its been so long we can just have a few. Yeah right, not with me and tobacco.. we be parten ways forever.

That thought actually made happy where it always used to fill me with fear and longing. I belive it be the time.
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plane-crash2.jpg


Alright, Damn it I crashed.

Adjustments to plan as follows. Next quit date is friday. This will give me the weekend to be brainless. Fill up truck with gas before i quit so it gives me a little more time away from the places i usually bought the tobacco. Start filling my truck at the few stations that do not sell tobacco. Identify and purchase some kind of a substitute to suck on. Get all easy munched on snacks out of the house so I don't balloon up. Have a wide array of cut vegetables to forage on during the withdrawal. Work out in the morning to try and provide greater relief during the day. Postpone all dealings with utterly frustrating non private sector entities as tobacco withdrawal and patience have never even written to each other let alone been seen together.

Plan out schedule for a week before i quit.. simple but detailed and designed to keep me busy.

Have my life as tidy as i can get it and then relax and root myself in the here and now. Frustrated is not a good place to be when kicking nicotine.

Tobacco 23
NSA 0

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
― Thomas A. Edison
 
It happens so rarely now that I'm tapering that I feel the need to record it for posterity: I am reasonably calm and content right now, and not really worrying about too much at all. There's a tiny bit but it's far far less than usual. :)

Also: I was cleaning today and found a piece of heroin. I knew immediately that I was going to do it - after all, I didn't go cop, so it doesn't count! I broke it down in a spoon with some water, sat there thinking about it for five minutes, and then dumped it out and threw the spoon across the room.

Fuck you, herr-rron. Not today.
 
^^^

NICE!


8 months clean today. Still remember when I first came around here. Time fucking flies.
 
Weird sense of deja vu posting here. I'm trying to make a new start myself, currently having to cut off both opiate and benzo habits, using a fast bupe taper for the first, and a small amount of alcohol for the second. Last year I just jumped straight off (a smaller habit too :/) and I'm still haunted by the experience, so it wasn't much surprise how quickly I relapsed, but I think by doing a fast taper like this that'll make it a tad less horrifying than last time I might be able to avoid that initial irresistible desire to go back to them. This time rather than thinking too far ahead and worrying about things like "Hey but I don't want to say I'll -never- have the chance to touch [drug x] again" I'm just going to take it day by day and focus on doing my best each time, I've heard that's a better approach. Wish me luck guys <3 I may really need it, lots of my triggers are still in place, but hopefully as my state improves I'll learn methods to deal with them.
 
Clean from heroin for 4 days.

It was hell, the last 3 days.

I drank a lot, took lope and took too much cough medicine for sleep. I ended up tripping slightly off the DXM, which made me feel worse. For some reason I did cocaine a couple of days ago. It was the worst coke I've ever done and now the depression I feel is insane.

I had a couple of days off work. I didnt leave the apartment. I just sat and watched netflix all day. It was the most depressing moment of my life in a long time. It's so not me - to do nothing all day. I haven't been to my martial arts class in a week. I look forward to getitng back in there and having natural energy to supplement normal life.

I went to the gym today, in spite of myself. I can't wait for the energy to return (I have none)
 
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You can do it shroomster! Stay strong.

I"m still sober (cept for subs, up and down on that, wish I could stick to 1mg a day) and it's hard. I'm not used to feeling, I'm used to running into the arms of opiates. I still want to sometimes, but I know it'll get me nowhere. I just feel sad sometimes. Opiates fucked my life more than they helped it, but there was something to be said for having an escape when I was hurting. The tradeoff was too great though. The tradeoff was that when I got something good in my life, I couldn't feel that properly either. I just miss having an escape.
 
BlueSaffron said:
It happens so rarely now that I'm tapering that I feel the need to record it for posterity: I am reasonably calm and content right now, and not really worrying about too much at all. There's a tiny bit but it's far far less than usual. :)

Also: I was cleaning today and found a piece of heroin. I knew immediately that I was going to do it - after all, I didn't go cop, so it doesn't count! I broke it down in a spoon with some water, sat there thinking about it for five minutes, and then dumped it out and threw the spoon across the room.

Fuck you, herr-rron. Not today.
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Blue!!! I am so proud!

I couldn't do that and I wish I had your will power

<3
 
14 days off heroin. i drank wednesday night, it was fun to be around people my age, but it really did scare me.
 
I relapsed for a couple of days :( So disappointed in myself. I was halfway out of the tunnel and now I'm back to square one...
 
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