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Venting Found out yesterday my childhood best friend passed away

SoCalShordie

SoCalShordie

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 3, 2021
Messages
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Los Angeles
She OD’d alone in her car in a hospital parking lot. She had a real rough life. I’m just having a hard time today. So many friends have lost their lives to drugs over the past few years, and I almost feel guilty. Like why me, why did I get a second chance? Idk. Just spinning.
 
How old are you? When I hit 35 every year I find out somebody I use to hang with dies. It's rough especially when it;s somebody you use to use with and ya know you most likely contributed to their addicition but you can't blame yourself because it;s not like you knew it was gonna get out of control and effect the future.
 
Very sorry for your loss. I feel like that too sometimes. Like why am I the one that made and continues to make it. I don’t like to get super spiritual about what could just be luck but I like to think that we are still here because there is something more we are supposed to bring to the world.
 
puke said:
How old are you? When I hit 35 every year I find out somebody I use to hang with dies. It's rough especially when it;s somebody you use to use with and ya know you most likely contributed to their addicition but you can't blame yourself because it;s not like you knew it was gonna get out of control and effect the future.
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I’ll be 35 next year
 
chippermonk said:
This isn't a solution to your pain, but maybe just embrace the beauty of those still living in your life. Your friends and partner who you can be there for, your kid whom you can ensure has a better life than your unfortunate friend had. Life is given even as it is taken.
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True that, God give SoCallShortie the strenght to accep the things she cannot change, the strenght to change the things she can and the wisdom to know the difference
 
Sorry for your loss. I lost my brother when we were teens. This was 1972. I got all fkd up, self medicated heavily for years but later after taking a lot of pysch college courses I realized I had what's called "survivor guilt." I was the bad kid, my brother was the good one. I wished it was I who had died and not him. I lived with that mentality for years. I think I'm still stuck in it, thus I've always sought of drugs and booze. Don't make the same mistake I did. Shit happens for reasons. We that are still here are not ready to move on yet. This shithole called Earth is a prison planet with way more evil stuff than good. I hope to get out soon, I've done a long "sentence." Almost 68 years in this Prison realm. The first 35 years were damm good but after that shit went downhill fast. And the last 3 years? Pure fkn hell. I want out. I almost kicked the bucket 2 nights ago after my oxy/benzo withdrawal episode. I posted my experience in the Opioid section.
 
SoCalShordie said:
She OD’d alone in her car in a hospital parking lot. She had a real rough life. I’m just having a hard time today. So many friends have lost their lives to drugs over the past few years, and I almost feel guilty. Like why me, why did I get a second chance? Idk. Just spinning.
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My best friend from college also OD'd, it was uncomfortable for me to learn about that as well. Hope for the best for you in processing it. I lost my dad a couple weeks ago and have been processing that as well, although we didn't speak much. I get the feeling of over analyzing your past drug use and in my case I feel like I wasted a decade of my life in that rabbit hole and didn't make him proud before he died. We tend to beat up on ourselves for things that aren't our fault when these things happen, best thing to do is move forward with positive intention.
 
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