forever there

[RaveAngel]

Remember when we were young? Rebels as best we could be. Sneaking cigarettes every chance we got. The Thelma and Louise of midnight tokers. Ah, the way we would laugh and shout. And you'd hold my hand because it didn't matter what other people thought. We were best friends and that was the only thing that mattered. Quiet whispers late at night that let us sleep soundly. A glance from you was all I needed to find a smile. And then we'd be off again. Entertaining the masses with our wildness. Teasing them with our closeness. And you changed me forever.
Duty called one sunny summer day, and I had to go. Promised I’d be back soon, bearing gifts and stories. And then started my short abscence. But you . You decided to permanently fill a temporal vacany. Thus, our story ended. I was left behind, with bewilderment and tears as my only company. Oh how I missed thee. Forever longing for our laughter as one. Forever trying to heal that hole in my heart.
And You’ll never know what you have done.
------------------
What difference do you think you can make? One single man in all this madness...?

 

[MisterSuperBetterMore]

well written.
By the quality and content i can only assume this is written from personal experience. And even if the pain is old, there still echoes that lack of closure. Bonds forged (and often broken) in adolescence seem to linger inside the hallways of our lives.
The replaying of that event -the cascade of events, the impact of minor events on the ultimate consequence -is a torture of its own. Why can't people understand how much we love them?
The lines involving the pilfiring of cigarettes really help to set the vibrant youthful tone of the opening, which is subdued by the unfortunate but well written lines that work to close the piece. Well done.
The las couple lines of the first paragraph could use some rewording, but other than that i have very little criticism to offer.
In such a small breath you have conveyed so much.
Are you going to expand this piece or include it in a larger piece?
------------------
"There is time in minute,
time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse"
(from the Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot)

 

[MisterSuperBetterMore]

well written.
By the quality and content i can only assume this is written from personal experience. And even if the pain is old, there still echoes that lack of closure. Bonds forged (and often broken) in adolescence seem to linger inside the hallways of our lives.
The replaying of that event -the cascade of events, the impact of minor events on the ultimate consequence -is a torture of its own. Why can't people understand how much we love them?
The lines involving the pilfiring of cigarettes really help to set the vibrant youthful tone of the opening, which is subdued by the unfortunate but well written lines that work to close the piece. Well done.
The las couple lines of the first paragraph could use some rewording, but other than that i have very little criticism to offer.
In such a small breath you have conveyed so much.
Are you going to expand this piece or include it in a larger piece?
------------------
"There is time in minute,
time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse"
(from the Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot)

 

[RaveAngel]

It'll probably go in the book I'm writing. It'll be fixed up and made longer, but it'll be there.
------------------
What difference do you think you can make? One single man in all this madness...?