I'm with all the dope addicts in this thread, I can't stop it. I quit for weeks in june, got kicked out of rehab for talking about drugs too much (go figure..) Bam used the day after I got out, would have that night except didn't have a ride to get it. I didn't have any intention of using when I was in rehab(after the 1st 2-3 days anyway) and I felt so good, they gave me suboxone which made it a lot easier, maybe if I had done it cold turkey and felt the pain I wouldn't have gone back to it, or maybe I woulda ran outta the place like the 1st rehab I went to? I'm struggling with that, like would I stay off it if I had to detox without suboxone, I've never completly detoxed from H without it in the year and a half I've been using iv. The thing that always gets me is I think about how low my tolerence is and how faded I'll get off just a bag or two, and I always figure I won't get addicted again cause I'll be smart enougth to stop before 3-4 days, yeah right...
When I run out of H I dream about it like others in this thread, typicly all the excitment of scoring, very vivid, then I get it cooked about to shoot, suddenly I wake up with the most depressing feeling, like I was almost there dammit!
I really hope to get off dope, but I know its only cause I don't have the loot for it right now,when I get a job again and some loot saved up I know I'll be back at it. I don't really think theres anything wrong with heroin besides the price, chance of getting arrested, vein damage, and withdrawl when not having it. Thats sounds bad but 3 of them could be eliminated with it being leagalized, and vein damage could be minimized with less shoots cause of purer heroin, I imagine snorting it might be ok if it was 100% pure, hell it could be better than shooting the street stuff most people get..
To sum it up yeah i'll probobly be on dope to some degree for the rest of my life, even if I occasionly take little breaks to make my family feel better, satisfy probation requirements or for personal reasons(being too broke to keep up).
The weirdest thing is I smoked pot from 13 till I really started using so much H i couldn't buy both, about 23, so 10 years then I quit cold turkey, its so weird cause I thought I would never, could never quit smoking pot. Then it just faded away. Probobly the only way I'll quit heroin is to detox then go back to smoking pot. Replace one drug with another, albeit a much softer kinder drug that dosen't cause you to go through absolute hell if you don't get it, haha I used to think not having pot was the end of the world... I had no idea.
One last thought, scientists can syntheise sp? 100 diffrent from of opiates, long lasting, short lasting, potent, weak, why can't they make a killer ultra long lasting opiate WITH NO WITHDRAWL WHATSOEVER?? Is that too much to ask? Also the diffrence between getting absolutley trashed and oding should be immense like 1000x times, you should be able to pass out for a day and still breath and the like... any scientists out there ready and willing to make this miracle drug hit me up I got three-fity on it... hahaha
"i plan on being the 1 in 3 people that get glaucoma at some point in their life. I also plan on telling an outrageously fabricated but clever lie to get an unlimited perscription of herb and oxycontin 80's. For life, yo."
expand on this, my grandpa has glacoma so I shouldn't have much problem lying about that, unless that only happens in old age, and you don't get oxycontins for that you get thc drops... I dropped a bunch of them when I was younger, they don't get you off at all... I plan on telling a psychiatrist I have horribe anxiety every minute of the day and panic attacks all the time, which is only partially a lie, I told my old psychiatrist this when i was 19 but made the mistake of telling her my drug history so I only got effexor and clonidine, I tried going to a communty vna type phyciatrist just the other day to claim anxiety and panic disorders but I made the mistake of poping a klonopin and shooting a bag a dope before i went in, I was too fucked to fill in the report and my mom had to do it, when i stumbled on in to see the nurse before the psychiatrist she noticed i was stumbling and nodding out and asked what was wrong, I didn't want to tell her I was on heroin so I said I was on 12 benedryl, then when the auctual phyciatrist came in she read that and suggested I go to the ER I was like fuck that I've lived through this before and ER bills are at least a grand, a grand I don't got and I used up my amnesty/hardship thing on my overdose visit to the er. haha man I was so fucked at that doctors office thing, my mom kept taking the report thing away and i kept trying to take it back but everytime I tried to fill it out I'd nod out and couldn't even write straight, those people in the waiting room must have been like wtf is wrong with this dude.
