man I get better and better everyday, the brain zaps are pretty much inexistent, I told my source to never serve me ever again with anything and all the pharmacists in this town know me already
ironically, every time I move into a new city, that's how I learn it, by the pharmacies, I just get out the house and follow the green crosses, looking good and fresh, with an empty box with the maximum mg aka 150mg-200mg, I go in and I slick talk my way in for a box, I even tell them hell just give me a blister because I already have them, since I'm so young when they hear that I'm sincere that it's for me it's an even bigger bonus. here it differs from city to city, but tramadol is so easy to get, even in the bigger cities where I lived noone could score 3 pills from a pharmacy, but I would get them in quantities and in the end even befriend pharmacists. I think I made it an art out of scoring tramadol without a script in this country, I could write a manual/book about the shit, I always said I will, but I won't, I don't wish this on anybody.
still having hard time to sleep without the benzos I threw out upon hearing my mates dad died, but it's good because it seems that my 3 months use of benzos haven't affected me, or it had, I can't tell because the insomnia can be due to both tramadol or benzo withdrawal, anyway the brain zaps are less and less, I can't believe how fast I recover since I suddenly dropped from 10 x 150mg pills per day, the first week was tough, without the lyrica and benzos idk what would I had done, I admit it, but now I keep myself occupied with documentaries, learning, writing and from now on I'll have longer walks, I got problems with my lower back side and I can't do a push-up without having pain in the area, so a gym would be a no no for me plus I always was a lazy bastard that did more mental jogging than psychical exercises. swimming would be an option, but I caught a bronchitis I think, it's not just flu-like symptoms from withdrawal because I got lots of phlegm that hints to bronchitis, who knows. I will try to do the walks since now I am not in the fear of having convulsions. as kids me and my mates always had this "ritual"/"tradition" before going home at 15-16 when on tramadol to do 2 hour walks and just chit chat. sometimes one of my ex-gfs was going crazy because of my wish to walk more than staying down when going out lol.
this death not only made me relive my own fathers death due to alcoholism, but made me think that man that's our only way out if we don't stop ( me and my mate who is drinking and doing more stimulants and party shit than pharmaceuticals ), so I said fuck it, not that I'm gonna die of old age, but at least not from a shit like this, I imagined myself with an 27 year addiction not 7 years one, I stopped counting days but I take it a day at a time, being able to not work this month is a blessing, I was on the verge of checking myself in rehab again but I thought that if I knew more at 19 than those people there which were "qualified", I'm just gonna save the cash and kick it at home.
I will have to avoid pharmacies for a time that's sure, not that I am tempted since this time I got no cravings, but I can't describe the feeling of putting your feet in one, feeling the smell, hearing the bell of the door opening and closing and the touch of the counter, not to say of my relations where I sit on the other side of the counter in the office, being offered coffee by the cleaning lady and just admiring the drawers and the depositing room, man I just feel like a kid on christmas day, I really have to take this one out of my mind, but I got that smell embedded in my brain since I was barely 4-5 years old. now let's hope this is the end of the story, it was a long ride now it's time to just make cash through IT and altering my mind with life challenges, because there are more to come.
stay strong OP, if I can do it, you can do it too, it won't be long till the main symptoms will subside, the SNRI withdrawal was always my main problem too, but if I don't face them know, I'll still have to do it sometime, I'm glad/or maybe not glad but glad that it started at such a young age and I'm kicking it at a young age too, so I didn't loose that much. I took my first exams on this drug, got my way into firms into work like, it got into my love-life, everything was tramadol related, I begin to feel little pulses of pleasure hear and there and I'm glad because that's usually a sign that my body is reajusting and making it's own serotonin. now I'm gonna end this rant, one love OP and don't get on poppy tea, you will have withdrawal from N alkaloids, it's better with the kratom or codeine as wilson and coast say. when you'll get your refill it's up to you if you want to taper down with the main problem or keep it on the codeine/kratom part, but getting into other depressants or heavier opiates it's not worth it.
