flights of fancy

[pharmakos]

there will be no honor in my death
i won't be found with note in hand
no artifacts to be left behind
i'll be found with no clothes on
some triumphant music playing far too loud
the smell of smoke in the air

whatever is found, it won't be planned
it won't be to make a point
a cry for help
a search for something better
or a protest to this world
it will be selfish
it will be unforgiveable
without warning
it will be me giving up, for good

when i was young, i had a chance
to redeem every mistake i made
now i'm grown, and i just can't
be held accountable for everything
the things i do, the words i say
the way i live from day to day
it's all imperfect, and i can't stand
it is all i wish to press re
set up my life again
if i had a wish, i'd be unstuck
get off this path
dismiss it all
i wish i could...

guess what?
i can

i can take off, i can give up
i can leave you here alone
not worry about my life anymore
is it escape? assumably not
my best hope's for existence to cease
all i'll leave will be this body
this living corpse i possess

i will leave,without warning
on a perfect day
it will be the last thing you need
but i don't care
you will just
find me there
will be no honor in my death

 

[copelandia.]

I liked this a lot.

However I hope that this is just artistic expression, and that you will not actually proceed with these words in the form of action.

I was in a very similar mind-state not too long ago.

This is just advice, feel free to ignore it but when I read Zhunagzi: Basic Writings, it helped pull me out of a very dark hole...

Keep your head up, peace.

 

[pharmakos]

yeah i just realized i probably should have prefaced this. i actually wrote this about 4 years ago... i was going through dark times back then. hell, i feel like i still am going through dark times. i'm definitely not going to kill myself though, since i have no idea what will happen to me after i die.

thanks for the concern.

 

[copelandia.]

glad to hear it =)

 

[ZomfgGerbil]

I really like how the first and last verse are the same. I use that technique a lot in my poetry. It really helps convey the main point of the piece. I like it