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Fired Up! The February 2015 Getting and Staying Clean and Sober Thread

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7 months no amphetimine!

Been trying to stay off opiates for the same amount of time but I've been relapsing one day a month. Someone really close to me is prescribed enough that she can share a little once month, especially if I pick up at the pharmacy for her.

However I've realized that one day a month is still messing with my recovery, bringing on a bad depression for a few days after using and extending the PAWS. I said no thank you this month and I'm very proud of myself. This is also the first month I finally feel like I'm coming out of the listless gray mist of PAWS. Coincidence, I think not!
 
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Right. I am done:

sitting here eating ice cream wishing I had a nicer body and I could lose that last 10 lbs

sitting here wishing I was sober and waking up the next day and taking the same amount of sub

sitting here wishing he knew how I felt, and then when we spend time together not telling him


I'm going to stop wishing things were different and start MAKING them different.

*drops mic*
 
totach said:
Phactor- i am really happy to see you are still clean i went to rehab last year at about the same time u decided to get clean i fucked it up after 4 months but im glad to see you are still going strong hopefully forever!
Lacster- birthright is a amazing trip i am israeli so i been to israel many times but still enjoyed birthright very much.you should def take advantage of the free trip and go if you have any questions feel free to ask here or pm me.
By the way i have 8 days off from any mind altering substances :) feel like shit tho need sleep bad!
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Hell yeah dude I agree with almost everything you said here lol. I went to rehab last march posted here a few times. I made it 8 months clean before I slowly relapsed. First it was just alcohol here and there. Then LSD, MDMA, Pot at a show. Eventually 10 months in I relapsed on my main DOC heroin. Luckily I was broke and guess what...I had a birthright trip coming up a few days after that relapse. That kept me from fully relapsing on dope and going on a binge because trust me I had insane craving after two days of using. I did a bunch of benzos at birthright but I have really bad anxiety issues so they just ended up improving my trip honestly (fucking amazing trip btw! highly recommended for any jew who hasn't been).

Anyway, i've been clean from everything since I got back from Israel 30 days ago. I'm trying to make some serious life changes this time around instead of just white-knuckling it like I did last time around. I'm back in IOP 3 times a week and i'm hitting meeting here and there. Looking for work as well as going back to school. I'm still struggling though with motivation, energy, and anxiety. The only med i'm on now is Gabapentin but after a year of taking it it's not doing anything helpful anymore. I'd like to be off all meds to see how i'd do but at the same time I'm thinking of trying wellbutrin to improve my productivity. I guess i'm willing to sacrifice side-effects for a more fulfilling life.

I wish everyone luck in getting and staying clean I know how hard this shit can be. I'm having cravings as i'm typing this. The want to use never completely disappears for me.
 
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BlueSaffron said:
Right. I am done:

sitting here eating ice cream wishing I had a nicer body and I could lose that last 10 lbs

sitting here wishing I was sober and waking up the next day and taking the same amount of sub

sitting here wishing he knew how I felt, and then when we spend time together not telling him


I'm going to stop wishing things were different and start MAKING them different.

*drops mic*
Click to expand...

Yes! And for me, the drugs took away my motivation for change. So now, without drugs, I'm still trying to find ways to initiate new behavior. I posted sticky notes in every room as reminders of what I WANT to do. It's like climbing out of a mud hole, but still having to shake off the remnants of mud.

I found this post inspiring, Blue. Thank you.
 
Escape- I was wondering whatever happened with you and that phish concert you were going to i think.that was you atleast
Im glad you are back on the wagon i was also thinking i would get clean on my birthright trip i even extended it for the whole 3 months
But the whole time i had really bad stomach pain which put me in.the hospital for a burst appendix and i convinced the doctors to give me 3 oc 80s a day lol for my week stay
Bluesaf- I must agree with the poster above me your last post was very inspiring i needed to read that this morning.
As for me day 10 still no sleep feel like im getting sicker for some reason anyways i hope to.make it.thru the weekend ok
Much.love to the bluelight community
Totach
 
BlueSaffron said:
Right. I am done:

sitting here eating ice cream wishing I had a nicer body and I could lose that last 10 lbs

sitting here wishing I was sober and waking up the next day and taking the same amount of sub

sitting here wishing he knew how I felt, and then when we spend time together not telling him


I'm going to stop wishing things were different and start MAKING them different.

*drops mic*
Click to expand...

Now that's what I call a post%)
 
BlueSaffron said:
Right. I am done:

sitting here eating ice cream wishing I had a nicer body and I could lose that last 10 lbs

sitting here wishing I was sober and waking up the next day and taking the same amount of sub

sitting here wishing he knew how I felt, and then when we spend time together not telling him


I'm going to stop wishing things were different and start MAKING them different.

*drops mic*
Click to expand...

Need that today!! 107 days clean and that's the only thing about my life that's changed. It's like I'm sitting here waiting for life to change for me instead of me doing something!! So thank you ❤️
 
Really crap day yesterday. Woke up this morning wanting opiates again, for the first time in months. Haven't been able to shake the creeping depression and cravings. maybe tomorrow will be better
 
I don't know where to jump in, so I'm just going to jump. I need all of your advise and experience in helping my son and want to help you if I can. He's been on opiates and then subs - opioids for years. He finally used heroine and hit rock bottom. He is here at home finishing his first week clean. I have purchased every vitamin recommended. He is eating like a horse and is drinking to keep system down. Lots of baths and benedryl to help sleep. I know he shouldn't drink. He is very cranky. He doesn't want to work a program. I don't know how to convince him if he doesn't he will most likely relapse. Any advise is appreciated.
 
Thanx captian you are forsure a big inspiration for me as ive told you in the past
Serakl- you seem like a wonderfull and understanding mom your son is very lucky.
There is only so much you can do for your son i know alot of people that are clean today with.and without working programs so it is not a must
I myself have bin using heroin for ten years and have not found the solution yet for staying clean i hope this time i will stay clean i am not working a program but.really want to
I am happy that i even.want to work a program cuz that means to me that i am getting more mature and realise i need help.
I wish all the best for your son just make sure he does not take advantage of you.
 
Thank you to those who said my post helped them, that made me smile :) I was just fed up with myself, I had no idea anyone else would even relate.

I took 1.5 mg sub today. Hey its better than 2 right? And I talked to the boy for 45 mins last night and told him I missed him and it's been too long instead of just "not saying anything so I don't upset anything". So I am putting my money where my mouth is. I did have an ice cream cone for lunch though... but hey, 2 outta 3 aint bad :)

serakl: you don't have to work a program to get clean, so don't give up on him just because he doesn't want to... personally I am not a huge program proponent, so this is only my two cents, but I wouldn't tell him "if you don't work a program you'll relapse" - were that me that would just put the seed in my mind: I'm going to fail anyway, might as well get it over with".

What is your son saying to you - I mean is he saying that he's done and wants to get clean? Does he sound serious? Yeah he shouldn't be drinking - I've never understood drinking during WD, it always always made me feel worse, but I know some who say it helps... but in the short term if a few drinks help him not fall back into opiate addiction I'm not really against it. THe worry of course is that instead of just drinking during the first few weeks to help with WD, he KEEPS drinking and develops an alcohol habit, which is actually worse to kick than heroin if severe.

Are you guys able to talk & communicate well?
 
Today the feeling of separating of my friends is strong cuz I really dont want to hang around with them as it used to be because I dont get high anymore (atm) and I avoid any alcohol drink and cannabis when they still using.

I think thats the WORST thing of this sober life. Break with friends for a thing related to drugs. Is so fucking sad.

edit: well, some positve aspect, Im bluelighter now:)
 
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veodo said:
Today the feeling of separating of my friends is strong cuz I really dont want to hang around with them as it used to be because I dont get high anymore (atm) and I avoid any alcohol drink and cannabis when they still using.

I think thats the WORST thing of this sober life. Break with friends for a thing related to drugs. Is so fucking sad.

edit: well, some positve aspect, Im bluelighter now:)
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You're right -- I had to do the same. In many ways, I may not have succeeded kicking a methamphetamine habit (beat in 2004) if I hadn't moved out of state shortly after making the decision to quit. In fact, I was really anxious after running into an old friend I used to use with when it happened recently. Fortunately it went really smooth and surprisingly cool. (Drugs or the old days weren't even brought up.)
 
Trying2Iso said:
i am sober and somber
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I'm sober and in suffer.. It's so bad that I gave up sleeping. And I keep hearing myself saying "you see you took it for so long and now you need an SOS dose to go back to life again"
my endorphin supply is over...
 
Hey all -

Brand-new member here (though I've been lurking hardcore for years) looking for support while kicking poppyseed tea. I haven't taken any for two days and downed 60mgs of Loperamide earlier, so most of the edge is off for now. Is this the best place to post some in-depth self-exploration-while-recovering stuff, or should I do that somewhere else nearby?
 
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