So I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and i think I might know what to do. Joseph Campbell in one of his lectures mentions a tribe in new guinea and their adulthood ritual. I think I might need to do something similar. I need to find my god and beat the living shit out of it. Finding it will be a task in and of itself but going toe to toe with a deity sounds dangerous. I'm Going to try and risk it any ways. Hopefully i can find some DMT soon enough to do so. Not a certainty but seems like the best bet for finding god when religion just doesn't make sense.
