Finally trying to kick for good. Here's how I got to this point.

[OnHBad2256]

This is more of an introduction than most people give I assume. I've been using blue light for years and I finally decided to make an account so you guys can help me through this.

I've been using heroin for the last year or two. I'm 23 years old. I'm a senior in college. And I've come too close to not graduating for the last time. I wanted to post and share my story of how I came to be as bad off as I am and how I've finally come to the realization that I have a problem that I can't get myself out of. Everyone has been to the point they are ready to quit before. Been there a few times myself. But this isn't one of those "okay gotta get off this stuff, but after enough time passes I can just do it occasionally again" been there, done that. This time it's for real. And I'm gunna bite the bullet and go to the methadone clinic. Yeah, ~20 dollars a day sounds like a lot. But I think we've all spent way more than that on a days worth of heroin.

The first time I used opiates was probably before I was 10-12 years old. I don't know how many of the people reading this post can relate with this but I bet it's a pretty high percentage. Cough syrup, the good stuff. Promethizen and codine. How many of you got a bottle of this every time they had to go to the doctor for a cold. I can't be the only one. I didn't realize at the time I was building a psychological dependence but it was happening all the same. Probably my favorite experience with cough syrup came in high school. An 8 oz bottle and Netflix, with black out curtains. It just makes everything feel so awesome. (To this day when I'm looking to have a little extra fun a whip up a cough to get my throat red and go to the clinic on campus to get a bottle of coug syrup kick the H into high gear. Kind of like a wine paring for my dope haha).

The next big step in my road toward addiction came with Vicodin prescribed after dental work or injuries. And one trip to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. During my two day stay I maxed out on my morphine dose almost the whole time. I was in eighth grade.

In college a few broken bones led to oxycodone prescriptions. I couldn't take Tylenol with another medication I was taking. So I got 5mg Oxys w/o Tylenol. I got one refil each time by asking for it. And broke two more bones. After this I started up a cheap oxy habit. Nothing to write home about. I had a guy that always had a 30 for sale.

It was when I lost my job and decided to try heroin that things turned bad. I was paying 40 a bag for just stamps. Sometimes 4 a day which maybe weighed .1 grams total. I sold my motorcycle to pay for the habit. I miss that bike.

In an effort to kick the habit I started going to a pain clinic. I have slipped disks in my back and whatnot. I was prescribed 3-10mg Percocet each day. This worked for a couple months until a roommate stole pills and called the clinic and said I was selling them. At this point I had been on h, off, on oxy, grabbing whatever I could find to fend off the DTs. K8s, opanas, subs, h, oxy, norcos.

I wasn't clean for long when I was clean. But then I got a good hook up. Cheap and pretty good quality. So I moved right on up doing a gram about every 3-4 days. About .1 grams per shot 3-5 times a day. and now I'm months in to this habit. I'm so afraid of how bad the withdrawals are going to be. I've never gone so long without having a break of some sort be it by my own choice or shortage of supply. But the money is disappearing faster than I can replace it now.

The thing that brought me to realize just how bad off I am wasn't even intended to do so. Some friends of mine who don't know I use were talking about a documentary about opium addicts. They couldn't get over how bad off the people were. How they literally laid around all day smoking opium and doing nothing. They felt sorry for them but were disgusted at the same time. And I realized that if they only knew how I laid around all day and did nothing but shoot up and go to class 12 hours a week when I'm not working. They would have viewed me as just as pitiful as the people in the documentary. I realized just how disgusting my life is, even though I really really really love heroin. I'm realizing how badly I've come to be addicted

I'm going to start seeing a methadone clinic. They offer subutex or methadone but I'm really hopeing they start me on done. The thing is I have some sub right now, and it's used to get me high about a year to year and a half ago. That slowly disappeared with time. I guess because of the heroin use. Then it still helped with withdrawal. But now the subutex isn't even keeping me from having the shits. It's scary. Sub is barely scratching the surface of DTs. I'm hoping this is enough to tell the doctor next Wednesday that they will start me with Methadone. Yeah. Next Wednesday. One day a week they do intake. So guess who has to buy another weeks worth of heroin. What do you think the doctors course of action will be for me? I plan on continueing treatment indefinitely. Anyone have any experience filing with insurance to cover the daily cost? I think it will be covered but the place doesn't file so I will have to submit claims. Anyone have any experience?

Anyway, thanks for listening to my story.

 

[Comdownhurtliktrut]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is hard. That's why the old are respected because it's not easy making it to 50 or even past 60. What makes me feel sad is you being in the presence of two "friends" but you cared so much about what they would think you held it in. That takes strength. Think of this as more experience. When you become sober and your mind settles you will notice everyone who's going through what you did. Be understanding and show compassion. If they feel comfortable enough they will come to you. You can save them a lot of time and money. Ex addicts are some of the brightest most caring and hardest workers around. Just gotta have patience with them every now again but they always find a way back on track. If they don't make to the tracks just make sure their story doesn't go untold or in a negative manner.

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

Hi and welcome to Bluelight

How much bupe did you take that didn't help with the WDs? In my opinion you're better off with the subutex as the WDs will be less severe than those of methadone when and if you decide to quit the treatment and it should also negate any sort of opiate high while you're on it due to its high affinity to the opioid receptors, so you would only be wasting money on H if you tried to relapse (it should deter you from relapsing is what I'm trying to say), but that would work with a high enough methadone dose as well I think.

Also in my experience the feeling that bupe gives is better than that of methadone, but then again you wouldn't feel much with either drug as you would be taking it everyday at the same dose and with quite a bit of a tolerance already.
Maybe it would boost your mood a bit for some time after your daily dose, I don't really know. Whereas methadone is much more sedative and numbing.

At least in my experience bupe really helps my mood even in tiny doses and is slightly stimulant but I have no experience taking it everyday as treatment so take it with a grain of salt (I do have some tolerance to it tho, and I still feel tiny doses).

Anyways I'm glad you took this decision, I know several people that are/were addicted to heroin and it's a shitty life.
A friend of mine started methadone therapy and now he's off the methadone too, he looks so much happier and free.

I hope someone with more experience chimes in, in the meantime if you have any questions ask away or feel free to send me a PM.

 

[alwaysherenow]

Ya got 3 choices as I see it. Having been dope sick countless times if it were me knowing what I know there's methadone, don't recommend it. You think it sucks being H sick, methadone is much worse by far and the sick goes on longer. Subs after a period of time (unless you go the quick sub detox route ) start to make you feel unmotivated and discontented. So to stop subs you taper to a very low dose. During that process I started feeling depressed. Then you jump of the low dose of sub, not as sick as H and Def not as sick as methadone. But sub sickness goes on forever, never seems like it will end. Just about every ope addict wants the easy way out, who wouldn't sick sucks. But if you're gonna play you're gonna pay one way or another. If it were me I'd kick the dope, 4 days and it's over you're just tired for a little while. I've gone all 3 routes more than once and hands down ied do the 4 day dope kick. Now some people need to go subs or methadone to keep from going back to dope. That's a different conversation for a different time. Your young get away from it NOW, it only gets harder the longer you F with it.