Figured Out Cycle, and now use feels without negative Consequence? What to do?

[ButICanStop@NETIME]

Hello addicts and recreational users. I would like to hear your opinion on what type of addict i am and some of the potential dangers i face using the way i do. I monthly have access to 4 formations of opiates. Oxycodone stong, Oxycodone 1/2strong, hydromorphone and Methadone. My friends and I cumulatively have prescriptions for all these medications. We share each bottle as if they belonged to no one. My cycle starts With Dilaudid which our month supply disapears in about 7 days as we quickly dose liberally.When out strong Oxy is taken for what lasts about 5 days, until out,Then weaker version of the same for about 4 days till gone. Together totally a very medicated but functional 2 weeks. Next to avoid withdrawals. I take methadone exclusively over next 3 days in rapidly decreasing doses. 8 then 4 then 2. This cycle last about 18/19 days a month and then I enjoy My next 11 days 100% drug free, this is to give my body the chance to cleanse itself and in effort to reset all tolerances and dependence. This is done by choice because i still have access to identical meds should i wish to purchase them with my hard earned money. This is where i feel very unique in that from my understanding true addicts fear running out and if able spend whatever it might cost to continue use. I draw the line every month, and have been doing this for 30 consecutive cycles or what has been 2 and a 1/2 years. As a very self aware user/abuser i know i am an addict but feel i have no need to quit at this point. I have counseled numerous addicts and broken addictions of my own in years past. I see the entire process before i indulge and accept what many run from as the cost of the flight. Why is my outlook and pattern so unlike anyone ive ever met? Am i the only user that does this willingly?

 

[The Doc.]

Haha one of these threads eh why am I invincible to opiate withdrawal.
Who knows man you do more opiates than a lot of every day addicts can do each month cause of your endless supply.
It sounds like your trying to find people to justify your using.

What would you do if you didn't have that supply anymore ?? That's usually when an addict finds out just how far they will go to get that buzz.
Being able to go a few days out of the month clean and resetting your tolerance with methadone doesn't mean your not gonna have problems from addiction just means you have a good system at the moment your obviously using to cover up your feelings and if that supply was cut off and you guys didn't have those meds anymore (by the way this happens all the time) what do you do so you don't have to feel the feeling you run from 20-25 days out of the month? Like most addicts this happens to you will most likely turn to heroin and then you need to spend every last dime of your hard earned money on that crap and you if don't have your meds to taper and take a break for a few days to reset tolerance your gonna have to do heroin everyday.

Nobody is immune to opiate addiction and the problems that come along with them.
Even if you always get those meds Eventually your body will get weaker as time goes on and the bounce back to sobriety will get harder and harder till you can no longer stop then your like every other desperate addict you see begging for money on the streets.
Even if you have more will power than most humans and continue the way you are(which isn't likely as your body gets weaker over time making it harder to recover from drug use) the way your going your organs are gonna start giving out one by one until it takes your life
Your not special just functional I was too for almost a decade after abusing pills for a few years i got cut off and i started selling kilos of heroin and while getting high on China white and cocaine everyday all the while supporting my family, working 12 hour days at a very physically demanding job and coming off like a respectable member of society to the world. I always told people why should i stop i work i support my family i pay the bills ,make my meals , at work never miss a day and show up on time and i dont beg people for money like other addicts i knew i worked hard for everything I have. I could even take a day or two off dope if i had to during dry spells and still work despite being sick as shit cause guess what i was 20 years old! Finally my liver gave and my kidney had enough and my body was going into sepsis. It caught up with me!! Who would have thought

 

[neversickanymore]

I think the key to your plan, is that you stick to the plan.

Identifying a great plan is easy.. we have all done that. Sticking to it, based on so many peoples stories, including mine, is hard, very hard. To hard for me.

Do you feal that the methadone taper you are useing at the end is preventing you from having withdrawals?

I think that giving yourself the nice long break, like you do every month, is the key and is what keep you out of withdrawals and is the foundation of your success. People can use a cycle to avoid physical dependence, with great success for a long time. I recall many people getting swallowed whole by opiate dependence, resulting from use on a level like this, but I can't remember many at all, who decided to get off the ride, before they met the piper at the end

So many people interchange addiction and physical dependence. Many people can keep something like this up for awhile and would be able to do it indefinitely, but addiction ends up crashing the party. If it shows up, many people find that it becomes harder and harder to make it through the clean period without useing. Then it just breaks people down slowly.. you have a more complex system than most people.

most people do the old once a month, to twice a month, to only on fridays, to only on the weekends, to weekends and wednesdays, to only after work and weekends, to hell with it im hooked but its only pills, to shit this is expensive I will just try H, to I will never shoot it, to I will only shoot it on the weekends.. to wholy fuck im right where I told myself I was never going to land.

Shit, sounds like you're doing it right and having fun, so who am i to get all fucken doomsday here, sorry I day dreamed a bit and this was not my intent.

So I like the schedule you have created, it sounds like allot of fun.. keep it safe.

EDIT:And @NETIOME, Welcome to Bluelight!:D.. i just saw your handle, now I like that. We all can stop at any time right up until the day we cant. Trouble is we never seem to get off while we still can.

 

[The Doc.]

After a while you start to realise its a full time job to keep up your addiction and your not really living life anymore. I never started to think my addiction was a problem even when I was going septic and my liver was shot until someone said to me yes I know you function and put a roof over your familys head and act like a respectable member of society but are you really happy with only functioning?? I realised all I did was worry about my addiction and supported it,worked my ass off everyday then came home and got high. I had no girlfriend or many relationships and I had alienated so many people out of MY life as I wanted to keep up my cycle of using and girls didn't understand.
Its all fun and games at first but turns into a world of hurt.

 

[ButICanStop@NETIME]

in response to the trainspotter i absolutely am not invincible. And i dont have an endless supply just legitimate and generous prescriptiond. Matter of fact to follow up what if i was cut off about 14 months ago the count of the stronger oxy was double what it is now. Dea or whoever rides the pharmacies and makes the pill laws denied my written count recommended by my PHD. And not just for me within 1 month my doc had to rewrite all many of her patients scripts because law now denied any count of oxy over 180. aka effective without warning all scripts written for 360,540, and 720 instantly became a max of 180. I being still youngish threw a fit and wrote congress. I know people who had the same perscription i had but for 18 years and were helpless against the mandatory withdrawal. I eventually let it go but felt truly sorry for all the elderly people who had consistenly taken as directed and relied on this medication to be able to still function. I cant imagine what i would have felt like if i was used to 720, so yes im fully aware of the possibility of that.
In response to what would i turn to, The answer is i would finally get the Medical Marijuana card ive been offered by the same doctor. Pot has the same pain relieving effect/buzz for me and I would return to that addiction which was my first and i feel is probably the least damaging. Heroin has never impressed me the less than a handful of times i tried it. It was years ago and Disgusted me enough to know its not my cup of H.
I was asking why this is so rare because Ive went to N.A. and feel completely out of place. I noticed what you said about ur body getting weaker, during the first 12 times withdrawal seemed to intensify mainly because opiate receptors grow with use so more of ur brain wants it. But my mind has gotten stronger each time i dont cave in. Theres evidence of mind over matter and me knowing that i always stop where i say(pride or ego)im gonna stop. Gives me power and confidence to do it the next time. I works the same if u break ur word or promises. The first time it hurts. The next time it hurts a lot less, Then even lesser and lesser until keeping ur word doesnt even disappoint you or hurt anymore. Saying No more is the same The first time that was tough. the next time less tough and less tough after that. Self esteem improves every time you do what you say you will, just like self esteem decreases every time you do what u say you wont. So i feel after 30 goes i have a track record of not giving in which makes it easier each time mentally to say no. Which obviously im a huge believer in mind over Matter.
Also i mentioned i was not normal..... When I said i enjoy the next 11 days drug free i really meant enjoy. Call me sick call me strange call me a freak but I look forward to the 3rd and 4th days of a withdrawal. If you have withdrawn from opiates as many times as i have you know the days im talking about. During those days my body though not its best is waking up everywhere.I experience a rush of emotions,heightened sex drive,tons of creativity, and what i can only really describe as the Rush of becoming sober which is really the sensation of numbness becoming sensation once again. Its as if i feel like im being reborn as my body is almost back to normal but my mind is peaking. As a musician and artist this sensation is enjoyed and utilized every time. So I dont really understand the appeal of staying numb and missing that natural high. Taking a day or 2 off dope because its dry, and not going 3 or 4 and feeling super alive seems short sided to someone who understands the cycle.

 

[ButICanStop@NETIME]

dear tool fan. yes about the taper, its truly incredible how well it works if used for opiate withdrawal. although i am perscribed 120mg of methadone daily (360 a month) i only take a total of 14 pills out of 360 because its all i need to get back to norm. From what ive studied methadone is one of the hardest addictions to kick so I only use it for the maximum of 3 days so i avoid any hint of dependence and taper so rapidly, lol my doc wants me taking 360 a month, can u imagine what type of addict i would be if i just followed docs orders. I wouldnt have 11 sober days id be drooling as years flew by lol. I play it real safe with those .Actually the amount of methadone i have left over after 2 years fills 2 large show boxes. Glad its there instead of going through my system eesh

BTW. thanks for the addiction guide and links. thanks for the advice . I plan to get off before i cant. We can do whatever we put our minds to i truly believe. we all have a choice every day. Stay strong !