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Female Orgasms

Ok, new question. One for women and one for men, but anyone can chime in however they'd like.

For women, I suppose: Imagine you're going to have sex with a new person this weekend. You don't even know him yet. Or you don't know him well. If you were just spit-balling, what are the chances you have an orgasm? 5% chance? 50% chance?

Now... pretend that you've fallen head-over-heels in love with some guy. He feels the same about you. This will be your first time with him. And his "performance", physically, is exactly the same as the new guy above? Just having feelings for him... how much does that increase the chances for orgasm?

And I'll modify that question for the guys: Do you assume you have a better chance of "pleasing" a woman, orgasm or not, if you know you both have a strong emotional connection and attraction? If you've fallen in love with each other? Does that give you more confidence? Or does it make it a little more scary? Like a little too much pressure or something? If it's a woman you don't care much about, how much does that diminish your drive to please? Or does it at all?

Edit: And I also don't want to assume everyone is straight. So feel free to answer however you'd like.
 
My wife told me that I had done a good job when her moans turned to hysterical laughter. On everything sexual, I trusted her completely. She even said her aim was to rid me of any last vestiges of catholic guilt regarding sex and she did a bloody good job. She had no problems regarding anything to do with sex, as she suffeed with anorexia/bulemia, as a teenager and had spent so much time discussing sex with psychiatrists that nothing phased her, and I mean NOTHING! It meant not only did she explain exactly what works for women and I have no reaon to doubt her word. She taught me so much, in the time we were together (as I hope I did regarding her understanding of drugs/pharmacology). Just writing this, I'm tearing up. The day she died, I felt like I lost so much of life, I still struggle to find reasons to continue.
I don't know how many other women get the giggles at the point that they have orgasmed so completely, that they want their partner to stop. Then again, I always thought I had quite an active libido, but I was gobsmacked by meeting a woman who's libido made me look like a eununch...
I misd her so much, not just because of our sex life, but because she was a beautiful person who had endured so much shit in lifr, yet still had a wonderful, sunny caring outlook; like Mary Poppins crossed with a porn star!
 
Asparagus_Prince said:
Sorry if I misinterpreted. I re-read your post and considered that it could be taken a different way
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don't take me too seriously most of the time, I just have a very dry humour

I was just saying that it's not the most un-noble of causes for your daughter
It's quite wise to be honest, not focussing on sex and relationships in your youth could very much boost your education
I'm Autistic, I can sing you a song about that in F#. I focussed on music and science for a lot of my youth,
the first relationship and sex came with meeting the right person, at a concert! well not the sex

once she finds the right person, she will want to try anyways - it's just what our bodies tell us to do
I wouldn't worry about it, and I would do my best not to rush her into feeling she has to, or it is expected of her.
There's a bunch of girls that make negative sexual experiences the first times, because they feel pressured into it
 
90sdance said:
Put plainly many men will not trust a woman with a history of promiscuity to mother his children.
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Weird but true, some primal fear of being tricked into raising another man's kid perhaps? The idea persists that a baby can have traits of former lovers of the mom, but why in this day and age, I don't know.
fastandbulbous said:
I don't know how many other women get the giggles at the point that they have orgasmed so completely, that they want their partner to stop.
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It's the happy relaxation after the intensity of the orgasm, that's why the giggles. Sometimes I giggle, sometimes not, but I've considered it my own responsibility to enjoy it for many years. If I want to cum I got to engage my brain properly, for me that is where it starts, where the triggers to push me off that cliff are.
This is clearly demonstrated for both sexes in the form of wet dreams, although women generally only know they had one if they wake in the middle. But there is zero physical stimulation then, it's ALL in the brain and noone's going to deny wet dreams happen.
Yes, they happen to women too, I'm a woman, I sometimes wake up just as I'm tipping into orgasm, then I scramble to get back into the dream as the shock of waking usually spoils it a lot.
What I'm saying is same as the others are saying, women's pleasure is complex. Nature gives men pleasure from ejaculating on anything that looks like it could bear children, that attitude wouldn't serve a woman the same way as she will do the work of bearing the children, so it pays for her to be more choosy about who else benefits from her pregnancy, her hard work and what genes she's putting into the kid.
Faking orgasms is kinda manipulative, I don't do it, I'd rather take charge and give myself a nice time or give the reason (eg, too tired to cum, but it would be nice to do it anyway). Guys like women taking charge ime, although I'm happily married, so that's just one guy these days, yes, he didn't like how many partners I'd had previously, or my lack of a number to give, but I've never cheated, sometimes sacrifices need to be made, ;) .
If what you want isn't perfect, then perfect isn't what you want.
 
BTW does anyone else glance at the picture at the top of this page and think it's a beefy guy holding up his arms with hairy pits beneath?
Gets me a double take every time.
 
90sdance said:
You dont think having sex with 100 people would in any way inhibit the potential for most woman (or men for that matter) to have a serious loving relationship that could serve as the
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In the other person's defense, I think we should be careful projecting our views too much.

But yes, if I was 40 and I've had 5 sexual partners my whole life, and I'm dating someone I am becoming very fond of, and I've found out she's had 100 partners.... ugh. That throws me off. And let's say I've been in a long, mundane relationship and haven't felt "special" in a long time. I feel like our first sexual experience will be more special to me than her.

Maybe SHE will call BS on that. Just like the person you were responding to. But we can't tell them how to feel, just like we don't want them to tell us how to feel.

But for me sex is just like anything else. I personally do NOT like going to my favorite restaurant over and over. Or going to the same holiday spot over and over. I want those things to maintain a certain degree of specialness (what's the better word I'm looking for there?) I don't want to become desensitized. I don't know if you're a woman or a man, but it doesn't really matter... I'm guessing you might agree with me on this. I watch young people stare blankly at their gaming screens... are they really enjoying it anymore? It's like men that watch too much porn. I do NOT think it's wrong to watch porn. But everyday for years and years? After a while the brain IS trained to devalue women. Especially if you're young and the brain is still developing.
 
fastandbulbous said:
My wife told me that I had done a good job when her moans turned to hysterical laughter. On everything sexual, I trusted her completely. She even said her aim was to rid me of any last vestiges of catholic guilt regarding sex and she did a bloody good job. She had no problems regarding anything to do with sex, as she suffeed with anorexia/bulemia, as a teenager and had spent so much time discussing sex with psychiatrists that nothing phased her, and I mean NOTHING! It meant not only did she explain exactly what works for women and I have no reaon to doubt her word. She taught me so much, in the time we were
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Enjoyed this story.

I can relate on several levels, but maybe I'll share some other time.
 
December Flower said:
don't take me too seriously most of the time, I just have a very dry humour
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Oh me too. I can swing from serious to funny easily.

I DID not anticipate getting too personal in this thread, but with my daughter let's just say this: She's witnessed a very cold, unaffectionate relationship between her mother and I. It's all she knows! I'm a single dad now, trying to be both mother and father, so it's not easy. But not long ago she was complaining about public affection and people that kiss, hold hands, etc... and I had to tell her: "Baby, consider that THOSE people are the normal ones. Me and mommy have been the weirdos".

So I've talked to her how she might change her mind one day. She might find someone that means a lot to her. And she might want to make love to him/her, not just because of lust, but because of love. It's the ultimate closeness, both literally and figuratively. Our bodies and brains are naturally calibrated to have sex, so don't think it's something icky you have to "rise above".
 
December Flower said:
I'm Autistic, I can sing you a song about that in F#. I focussed on music and science for a lot of my youth,
the first relationship and sex came with meeting the right person, at a concert! well not the sex
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Oooh yuk. I'm staying away from you then.

JOKE!

I'm borrowing from the movie "Big" when a co-worker tells 13-year-old Tom Hanks that he could get easily laid from an attractive, flirtatious lady. He says to Jon Lovitz's character: "Well, I'll stay away from her then". And Lovitiz stares a hole in him like he's a weirdo. There's some pre-LGBTQ connotation there, probably, but to this day I still say that line to people.

But seriously, I'm logic-based also. However, earlier this year I had some sort of epiphany where I've realized it's possible to be a "religious atheist". Anyone interested in hearing the story? And don't be nice. I'll sense it and tell you to fuck off.
 
Was it the one about affection affecting orgasm chances in a woman?
I'd say love has shit to do with the orgasm, but everything to do with enjoyment because it's not all about that minute of climax.
If I know a guy well, say he was an ex, then it wouldn't matter how I feel about him except the trust, I could cum because I can trust him and relax, I'll know his ways and where he will stop at.
I don't know if I could cum with a complete stranger, probably not, I don't think I have, but to be fair I'm old and have had a lot of sex in my life, I don't remember the majority of it, I might have.
 
One time I came just lying in bed thinking of the fella I'd just started seeing, he wasn't there, he was truely and exceptionally beautiful, no touching at all that time, just thinking, but I remember it because I thought it was unusual to get all the way without any touching at all. Poor lad ended up with a 2 year stretch, I hope his organisation protected him like they were supposed to in there, he was too good looking for prison, y'know.
 
90sdance said:
it would seem that a persons ability to form healthy emotional bonds is adversely effected by promiscuity.
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But which came first? I'd say it's the other way around, people who cannot easily form healthy emotional bonds end up having shorter relationships and are therefore having more partners.
There is the other aspect too, where people cannot form healthy bonds at all and the only connection they're ever going to get is a physical one.
 
Asparagus_Prince said:
For women, I suppose: Imagine you're going to have sex with a new person this weekend. You don't even know him yet. Or you don't know him well. If you were just spit-balling, what are the chances you have an orgasm? 5% chance? 50% chance?

Now... pretend that you've fallen head-over-heels in love with some guy. He feels the same about you. This will be your first time with him. And his "performance", physically, is exactly the same as the new guy above? Just having feelings for him... how much does that increase the chances for orgasm?
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The first scenario probably has a lower chance of me (a female) having an orgasm than the second one.

However, I don’t believe in love at first sight, and by the time I’m madly in love with someone we’ve been together a significant amount of time, so there’s no chance that it would be my first time having sex with them. I believe that in real love, you grow closer slowly over time, and that’s how it’s worked in every one of my long term relationships. I might’ve been physically attracted to them and interested in getting to know them better, right off the bat; but I’ve never felt “in love” immediately. And I think if you DO experience that immediate “in love” feeling, it’s fake: merely infatuation based on sex appeal, because in order to be in love with someone, you have to know them fairly well, no? Otherwise you’re just in lust, not in love
 
xtcgrrrl said:
The first scenario probably has a lower chance of me (a female) having an orgasm than the second one.

However, I don’t believe in love at first sight, and by the time I’m madly in love with someone we’ve been together a significant amount of time, so there’s no chance that it would be my first time having sex with them. I believe that in real love, you grow closer slowly over time, and that’s how it’s worked in every one of my long term relationships. I might’ve been physically attracted to them and interested in getting to know them better, right off the bat; but I’ve never felt “in love” immediately. And I think if you DO experience that immediate “in love” feeling, it’s fake: merely infatuation based on sex appeal, because in order to be in love with someone, you have to know them fairly well, no? Otherwise you’re just in lust, not in love
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In Germany we have three terms for this:
Verliebt sein = short-lived intense feelings for someone, right off the bat. This goes away fast.

Lieben = long-term love that grows over time

Lieb haben = the way you love your children, siblings or pets, someone precious to you
 
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