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Feelings for friend with benefits

I don't know bro. We can't control what the brain wants, but we can control which desires we choose to act upon by differentiating right from wrong and controlling our impulses. Does your heart want her or your dick? I think this is an important question to ask yourself. Most important you need to figure out what you are still doing in this relationship. I know you care about her but it just doesn't seem like you are in love with her. If you do care about her, it should be your top priority not to hurt her. Being cheated on hurts a lot more then a relationship ending the correct way, at least in my experience.

You can't save her from herself or her past, but lump being cheated on after a five year relationship with everything else. That's what is more likely to push someone over the edge. I've been through it dude. Still going through it. It is very damaging.

Maybe you guys can still be friends if she is open to it? That is unfathomable for many people, and for me it didn't work, but maybe for you two that is an option worth considering? I'm no fortune teller, but my gut tells me that your situation isn't going to end well if you keep going like this. Eventually it is going to blow up in your face.

Or you can do your best to get over the friend with benefits and fix the relationship you have devoted five years of your life to. But her age is only going to go up, so figure out if that is really worth breaking up over. You owe it to her and yourself.
 
Thank you for your reply CosmicG.

Tbh, its really my dick that has the strong desire. I'm not used to such a tight body.

The biggest thing on my mind is trying to figure out what I sent in my current relationship. We seem to have grown so distant. Part of me wants to continue what we've built and part of me wants another girl, but if I do that I hsve no idea how I'm going to do it. I'm terrified of what will happen to her.

She is the only relationship I've ever been in. That could be one reason why its so hard for me to let go. I also really do love her but idk if I'm truly in love with her like i always was.

I highly doubt we could still be friends if I broke things off and god forbid she hurtbor self.

I know you are right about if I continue to cheat on her that that will really push her over the edge.

I know I can get over the other girl. The only thing that keeps me thinking is she said if things don't work out with the other guy, she is still open to having sex with me..

I really just wish I could I could be with my girlfriend that I love and another younger girl too.
 
What a clusterfuck... Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too, albeit in unhealthy relationships.
 
That's a common problem when it comes to FWBs my friend :-) One person (or both, sometimes) start to develop feelings. I've never had a FWB relationship but know others who have. One party always gets burned, no matter how much they say that it is "sex only".
 
Drug Omen, Drug Omen, Drug Omen.....what are we going to do with you? Lol first the over-tripping, now this.....tsk tsk..

First, I must commend you for your open-mindedness to people's responses here.....however, I cannot say the same for your choices and actions. But based off your respectful acceptance of people's honest opinions here (many of which I found myself nodding my head in absolute agreement, in fact), I too feel comfortable in doing so.

You are not in love with your girlfriend and you two share an incredibly toxic relationship that only serves to make you both worse off. She needs mental health care (possibly you too), and you needn't be in any relationship right now.

You need to spend some time alone. You are far too focused on BEING IN ANY RELATIONSHIP (as long as they're young and aesthetically pleasing/physically attractive, right?) and simply not being alone when you should be focused on building on your current one.

Sounds like you have a fear of being alone (as does she- and doesn't seem so much that it's actually YOU she's in love with if she's trapping you) that badly needs to be addressed, faced and conquered before you can be the man you need to be for the right woman. Until you spend some time by yourself, learning about yourself and building upon/working on yourself and your life, maybe achieving some personal goals, I suspect you'll be of no good to anyone in any relationship sense, let alone any good to yourself.

You're being a total dog and while I understand that as humans, we tend naturally to be drawn more to younger humans (for mating and reproduction purposes, of course)- this is something you should have decided 5 years ago....not when a younger, more attractive option shows up deep into your relationship with a severely mentally unstable woman.
If you truly loved her, you wouldn't be doing this to her, especially using such petty, worthless justification. You would have respect for her. You would put her needs and mental stability/health over your innate desires and your need to be with anyone, you would let her live her life while you took the time you desperately need to spend alone figuring shit out.

Your ex friend with benefits is not in love with you. She told you that you're the backup option (for a simple lay, nonetheless)....this speaks pretty clearly, as does your choices/actions and ironically similar situation of "options"

Regardless, you clearly REALLY need to take some time and seriously look at yourself, your life, and what you want, if this is who you want to be, if you like how things are, if this is all really sustainable and worth it. Then you need to take action.

-PA
 
PA, all of that tripping Ive been doing came after this situation and as tripping does; I've been thinking a lot about this situation.

I've 100% got over that ex fwb but Im lost with my current girlfriend. I haven't even talked to her in almost two weeks. I've been pretty worried about her, idk what's going on. She's kind of giving me no choice but to talk to other girls at this point.

You are right though PA.. I don't like being alone. I like having someone there for me. Of course I love sex but its actually much more than that that I long for.

All of that tripping has made me a little depressed because its making me look at my situation and really question what I want. I think you are probably right in that I need to take a long hard look at what I want in life but that's exactly what I am trying to do right now.

Basically the passed 1 1/2 years I have been because I've basically been sober except kratom and Phenibut foe the first time in about 10 years.

December 31 2016 I went to jail for 4 months and that was the start of my journey. My girlfriend was there for me mentally though. I would call her everyday multiple times a day when I had no one else. I just don't know what to do. I still love her but we are definitely drifting apart. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her.

The LSD is really making me look hard into this but I'm still left with not knowing what to do.
 
DrugOmen said:
PA, all of that tripping Ive been doing came after this situation and as tripping does; I've been thinking a lot about this situation.

I've 100% got over that ex fwb but Im lost with my current girlfriend. I haven't even talked to her in almost two weeks. I've been pretty worried about her, idk what's going on. She's kind of giving me no choice but to talk to other girls at this point.

You are right though PA.. I don't like being alone. I like having someone there for me. Of course I love sex but its actually much more than that that I long for.

All of that tripping has made me a little depressed because its making me look at my situation and really question what I want. I think you are probably right in that I need to take a long hard look at what I want in life but that's exactly what I am trying to do right now.

Basically the passed 1 1/2 years I have been because I've basically been sober except kratom and Phenibut foe the first time in about 10 years.

December 31 2016 I went to jail for 4 months and that was the start of my journey. My girlfriend was there for me mentally though. I would call her everyday multiple times a day when I had no one else. I just don't know what to do. I still love her but we are definitely drifting apart. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her.

The LSD is really making me look hard into this but I'm still left with not knowing what to do.
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Ok. So. You don't want to be alone. Your gf is there for you... but is MAKING you cheat. Did I get that correct?

How about stop blaming over people... put your big boy pants on.. and figure out what kind of changes YOU NEED TO MAKE.

I would suggest taking a break from your GF because you obviously can't commit to her. If she gets suicidal, talk with her parents or call suicide hotline. But you're trying to make it like you're doing something great by staying with her and "keeping her safe", but you ain't doing anyone any favors but yourself.

Let's be real.
 
Pretty_Diamonds I see what you're saying but idk how to tell her that and I'm still not sure if I even want to leave her or anything. Like I said I haven't had communication with her in two weeks. Idk what's going on.
 
op your so dependent mentally on always having someone there that you are afraid to risk being alone so you stay stuck in the current situation unable to decide

this will go on forever until you get some balls
 
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