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Sex "feeling it" vs. "doing it" and the time between

paltatomate

paltatomate

Bluelight Crew
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Oct 7, 2022
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as there are users of different age ranges here, i would like to see how things changed over time.

when was the first time you felt like having sex was something you *really* wanted?
i don't mean the urge to masturbate, or mere curiosity, or doing it so you could brag about it, but the intimacy that should come with it.

what age were you?
was it like a sudden realization, or was it something that built up?
and once you knew you were (finally) serious about having intercourse, how long did it take for you to have it?

[added:]
or should i rather ask: were you ready for it when you had sex for the first time?
 
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In my opinion, sex is overrated. Everyone talks about sex, sings songs about sex... For many people growing up, it creates a mentality that sex is the ultimate, something to be experienced, otherwise you're a nobody.

This brings with it a lot of dangers. E.g. seeking sex at every opportunity, seeing women as objects to be pursued, superficial relationships, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

Sex is just the cherry on top of the cake in my opinion. But the cake is made up of countless ingredients. And we eat cake not for the cherry on top, but for the taste of the cake and the haptics of the cake...
 
aokorn said:
In my opinion, sex is overrated. Everyone talks about sex, sings songs about sex... For many people growing up, it creates a mentality that sex is the ultimate, something to be experienced, otherwise you're a nobody.
Click to expand...
the overratedness of sex is not what inspired me to start this thread, but it plays into it.
the pressure "to do it" certainly leads many into having sex though they aren't really ready for it.

should i rather ask: were you ready for it when you had sex for the first time?

what the overratedness of sex does to people once they have gained some experience, and the role sex plays in society and relationships might be something for another thread.
 
My first sex with a woman was with a prostitute. For the reasons described above, as a teenager I wanted to know if I could, or what it was like to “have sex” with a person of the opposite sex. Of course, I was careful and chose a prostitute.

I have to say that the experience was nice at the time, but it met my expectations. When I woke up the next day, I didn't feel bad about paying for the “goods” and getting them.

It wasn't the case that I didn't have the opportunity to have sex in my social circle back then. But I didn't want to risk anything and chose the 'official' route.
 
my first sex-well around 18 years old....still active sportsman.....but at summer hitchhiking around the country and live a month on a seaside-eating mussels from the sea cooked over fire and bread....a sort of hippie life.....there was no drug problem around still.alcohol was everything for the people......so i got drunked in some hippie tent camp and got sex with some girl...was so natural......at night people walkin' around nudes....this was a remote place-a beautiful gulf surrounded by groove.....now all there are luxurious apartments.....ye man....the end of socialistic age was a sence of freedome....and brotherhood......and a lot of illusions that ahead coming something new,something good....something that we have only read about it in"On the road"....and just a couple of years came brutal hangover
 
my first time was out of curiosity.
sex was such a big topic that i thought "let's see what all this hype is about"
but i never felt ready for it. not before, and not after that first time.
 
Sex is natural. But when we get it for free, it often turns out that it was not free.

It's the same with drugs. In the beginning, it's usually out of curiosity, but later we often develop an addiction.

It is also very interesting to see how men and women experience sex. I think the reason why women have sex is very different from that of men.
 
Fire&Water said:
Mutual mental and physical attraction for me
always equalled
unabashed sexual intimacy
young or old
Click to expand...
Same. I wrote really extensively about my first time and sent copies to all my girlfriends so it’s still a very intense memory for me. Maybe I can get some of those back since my journals were destroyed…it was fantastic & has continued to be great! I don’t understand those who say sex is overrated. But, I also don’t do casual sex so maybe that’s why.
 
i didn't have sex until i was 19 and i was ready for it at that point.. i had a serious girlfriend, and my family didn't really mind that i had girls over the house, so i started having sex. at first with condoms, but my cousin had a kid at a young age, so i decided that i was ready to have kids too and unprotected sex especially with drugs is pretty crazy stuff, like i tried it with low dose lsd and mild doses of shrooms.

i had another girlfriend a year or a little more earlier and we went on some dates and made out in my car..i think that was good to experience with out any type of real genital contact other than dry humping... like making out and not having sex and not ejaculating is kind of it's own thing.. in some ways making out and the feeling of heads being pressed together and feeling each other is better contact than actual intercourse.. like intercourse for me as a male kind of happens really quick, and when the orgasm happens all the sensation is really gone... with making out i kind of got worked up and could feel all the chemicals rushing through my body.,, i never really made out with my partner when we would have sex.. it was mostly like me giving her oral till it was my turn to cum and then i'd like drool all over her face.. i barely kissed that girl at all. one time we had a hugging session and a couple times we snuggled on downer drugs, and we'd sleep back to back but not really cuddling a lot, but our contact was mostly just sex unlike my first girlfriend as a teen where we made out a lot.

i realized i could masturbate in the 6th grade after filling a rubber handle that fit around a flash light with vaseline and putting it on my dick. i always heard masturbation as "beating off" or "spanking the monkey", so i thought i was supposed to like slap my dick around to cum and that never ended up working.. was totally shocked with the flash light wrapping around my dick... i was in 6th grade.. this girl i went to ccd with and was in some of my classes used to put on make up and talk like a sexy slut to her friend, so i started thinking about having sex then... i used to watch her walk home and i'd think about walking home too and trying to see if her parents weren't home even in middle school, but i wasn't ready for that and definitely didn't have the initiative to do something like that.... when it got warmer i started walking home with one of my friends. one day the girl asked me for some gum. i lived next to a 711, so every day after that i brought gum and hoped she'd ask again.. i never thought to be like "hey babe, i brought you some gum." lol... i might've had sex in like 8th grade if i ended up with that girl. but i was actually in my first year of college when i got around to real sex. didn't even make out for real till 17 or 18.
 
aokorn said:
Sex is natural. But when we get it for free, it often turns out that it was not free.

It's the same with drugs. In the beginning, it's usually out of curiosity, but later we often develop an addiction.

It is also very interesting to see how men and women experience sex. I think the reason why women have sex is very different from that of men.
Click to expand...
Yes, that is typically the case regarding men versus women. Especially given that most women have passive sexuality which is very different from men’s active sexuality. Though I’ve known men with passive sexuality and I’m a woman with active sexuality.

As they say, while women gatekeep sex, men gatekeep commitment. And in general, there’s not much benefit to women being promiscuous while that can be a tremendously successful strategy for men.
 
fairnymph said:
Yes, that is typically the case regarding men versus women. Especially given that most women have passive sexuality which is very different from men’s active sexuality. Though I’ve known men with passive sexuality and I’m a woman with active sexuality
Click to expand...
I think it's in nature that a woman receives and a man gives. That is why a woman is 'beautiful', attractive to a man, who has to 'go out of his way' to please himself. A woman can play a passive role - often it is enough just to be beautiful, sexually attractive.

Some women are too aware of their 'beauty'.
 
aokorn said:
I think the reason why women have sex is very different from that of men.
Click to expand...

I don't think it's that different. Essentially you wanna have sex 'cause it feels good. The idea that women always have to have an emotional connection to enjoy sex and every man just wants to have tons of casual hook-ups is a bit of a myth.
There is however a huge social/moralising factor where if a man sleeps around, he is regarded as virile, yet if a woman does the same she is a slut. Obviously historically also, before reliable contraceptives were invented, it was the woman who ended up pregnant and 'shamed', while a man could hide the liaison. Plus until fairly recently even in Western countries, women were not encouraged to explore their sexuality; instead they were being told that those impulses were 'dirty' and even that it was unnatural for them to want and enjoy sex, and they should just lie on their backs and 'endure' for the sake of the husband's satisfaction.

In my experience (speaking as a very bi guy Xd) women have the same libido that men do. There's more differences in drive between individuals of either sex than there is generically between the sexes.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
I don't think it's that different. Essentially you wanna have sex 'cause it feels good. The idea that women always have to have an emotional connection to enjoy sex and every man just wants to have tons of casual hook-ups is a bit of a myth.
There is however a huge social/moralising factor where if a man sleeps around, he is regarded as virile, yet if a woman does the same she is a slut. Obviously historically also, before reliable contraceptives were invented, it was the woman who ended up pregnant and 'shamed', while a man could hide the liaison. Plus until fairly recently even in Western countries, women were not encouraged to explore their sexuality; instead they were being told that those impulses were 'dirty' and even that it was unnatural for them to want and enjoy sex, and they should just lie on their backs and 'endure' for the sake of the husband's satisfaction.

In my experience (speaking as a very bi guy Xd) women have the same libido that men do. There's more differences in drive between individuals of either sex than there is generically between the sexes.
Click to expand...

agree. social sigma for women... i think its bullshit.

I love a women that doesn't give a fuck and does she wants. respect.
 
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