Crack and Heroin Addict in recovery here. I am worried that I am moving in a dangerous direction. While (mostly) sober for the past 7 months (occasional MJ use) and on subutex maintenance, I have had a lot of trouble committing to and focusing on my work. I am in a place work-wise right now that is very sink or swim, and I need to be on top of my game. Even while sober, it seems like I have an uncanny ability to fuck up good opportunities.
Over the past 2 months, I have had a tremendously hard time staying focused on my work. What has been troubling is that I had to move from an office to a work-at-home arrangement and since have grown less productive. I used to share an office, but one of the people I shared with steadily grew from sober to recreational user to full blown crackhead who resorted to blackmailing me for money, so I had to leave. I am living on a low budget right now and cannot afford to get my own office.
Two days ago I smoked pot, last night I smoked crack, and today I tried to get high on heroin but the subutex blocked it. I did all this alone despite being a very social person and spent $170 in total which is irresponsible for me right now given my financial situation. But, what really concerns me is that if I don't put an end to this path I'm spiraling towards I'll end up destroying my life. My family finally believes in me after 10 years of discord and I am on the brink of making huge strides professionally. Reactivating a drug habit will almost certainly put an end to both.
I have bipolar disorder and it is sometimes hard for me to control myself. And when I get down, I am just as unproductive as on drugs, but at least when I'm on drugs I am happy in a superficial way. And that's when it becomes hard to weigh long-term consequences against short-term pleasure.
What should I do to stop this spiral? I don't think a single use of crack and heroin requires medical treatment or detox, but this is a long weekend and I just meet a new dealer who thinks I'm going to meet up with him tomorrow, so I have to figure out a way for me to save me from myself.
Over the past 2 months, I have had a tremendously hard time staying focused on my work. What has been troubling is that I had to move from an office to a work-at-home arrangement and since have grown less productive. I used to share an office, but one of the people I shared with steadily grew from sober to recreational user to full blown crackhead who resorted to blackmailing me for money, so I had to leave. I am living on a low budget right now and cannot afford to get my own office.
Two days ago I smoked pot, last night I smoked crack, and today I tried to get high on heroin but the subutex blocked it. I did all this alone despite being a very social person and spent $170 in total which is irresponsible for me right now given my financial situation. But, what really concerns me is that if I don't put an end to this path I'm spiraling towards I'll end up destroying my life. My family finally believes in me after 10 years of discord and I am on the brink of making huge strides professionally. Reactivating a drug habit will almost certainly put an end to both.
I have bipolar disorder and it is sometimes hard for me to control myself. And when I get down, I am just as unproductive as on drugs, but at least when I'm on drugs I am happy in a superficial way. And that's when it becomes hard to weigh long-term consequences against short-term pleasure.
What should I do to stop this spiral? I don't think a single use of crack and heroin requires medical treatment or detox, but this is a long weekend and I just meet a new dealer who thinks I'm going to meet up with him tomorrow, so I have to figure out a way for me to save me from myself.