KattyKorner
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2022
- Messages
- 26
So I know the title is confusing, but I feel that my girlfriend has and still does have crippling insecurity about other women. She was cheated on in a previous relationship, and while that is totally understandable to have that still hurting and affecting her, I think it is being put unjustly onto me
From my perspective I have never been over the line with any woman. Ever. No flirtatious talk, no treating special, nothing.
She feels differently. There is one thing that comes up about how I treat "blue" better and texted her inappropriately. Blue (she has blue hair, it's her nickname, I didn't give it to her) is someone I work with, who i am strictly friends with. Never crossed any sort of boundary or behaved indecently towards. My girlfriend still holds feelings over the one time Blue snapped at me a bit, then texted (I have her number as we are friends, and also for work stuff I need her to do) an apology. I replied, saying to paraphrase and mostly get exact "it's ok, I get it, you're the spice of life, this place wouldn't be the same without you."
I can see how this would make her uncomfortable, and I addressed this before, saying that I get it, there aren't any feelings there, we are pretty good friends (been over to her and her husband's house for a cookout) and I can see that maybe that was a bit too much. I told her I would not be that way again, that I'd keep things more professional and appropriate. I tried to accomodate her feelings, even though I felt it was a bit ridiculous for her to literally be screaming and crying in a fight over this.
That's the only thing that maybe, maybe, might have crossed a line. She has literally gotten and "had" to leave from a breakfast at a restaurant because "my voice changed" when I spoke to the waitress. The only way it could have changed is because I was amused that the waitress didn't acknowledge or know she knew me, as she was a friend's girlfriend from several years back. Again, there weren't coy words, or different behavior. Treated her just as I would any other waitress.
Whenever we have a fight, about half the time or more she brings up "other women" and that infuriates me, because I feel I haven't been inappropriate at all. I get accused often of something I legitimately don't think I am guilty of. I understand that how I feel doesn't mean her feeling are not valid, but at some point, I don't think she is fair or right to say I've been inappropriate with women.
She even got mad when a female coworker texted a very ok, very appropriate emoji, (think it was like an exhausted face from having to deal with some work stuff) basically saying it was inappropriate that they are texting me emojis? Just to say, I have equal amount of male numbers, there is just a good mix of the sexes here, and I have to have lots of peoples' numbers for work. I don't text them outside work.
I feel that I've painted her in a bad light, she is a good partner otherwise but this is really getting to me. It's affecting me to where I behave differently around women in general. Like I am purposefully more cold toward women so I don't get hassled about it, and an attempt to be good to her feelings.
I guess what I'm asking is "can you advise me on how to deal with being told I'm inappropriate with women, despite me truly feeling and being, in my opinion, very appropriate with women"
I feel like something along the lines of "can you explain to me more about why you feel I am inappropriate with women?" Is a good start.
It's just so hard to be told, essentially, "you are a bad partner" for things that I don't feel I did.
From my perspective I have never been over the line with any woman. Ever. No flirtatious talk, no treating special, nothing.
She feels differently. There is one thing that comes up about how I treat "blue" better and texted her inappropriately. Blue (she has blue hair, it's her nickname, I didn't give it to her) is someone I work with, who i am strictly friends with. Never crossed any sort of boundary or behaved indecently towards. My girlfriend still holds feelings over the one time Blue snapped at me a bit, then texted (I have her number as we are friends, and also for work stuff I need her to do) an apology. I replied, saying to paraphrase and mostly get exact "it's ok, I get it, you're the spice of life, this place wouldn't be the same without you."
I can see how this would make her uncomfortable, and I addressed this before, saying that I get it, there aren't any feelings there, we are pretty good friends (been over to her and her husband's house for a cookout) and I can see that maybe that was a bit too much. I told her I would not be that way again, that I'd keep things more professional and appropriate. I tried to accomodate her feelings, even though I felt it was a bit ridiculous for her to literally be screaming and crying in a fight over this.
That's the only thing that maybe, maybe, might have crossed a line. She has literally gotten and "had" to leave from a breakfast at a restaurant because "my voice changed" when I spoke to the waitress. The only way it could have changed is because I was amused that the waitress didn't acknowledge or know she knew me, as she was a friend's girlfriend from several years back. Again, there weren't coy words, or different behavior. Treated her just as I would any other waitress.
Whenever we have a fight, about half the time or more she brings up "other women" and that infuriates me, because I feel I haven't been inappropriate at all. I get accused often of something I legitimately don't think I am guilty of. I understand that how I feel doesn't mean her feeling are not valid, but at some point, I don't think she is fair or right to say I've been inappropriate with women.
She even got mad when a female coworker texted a very ok, very appropriate emoji, (think it was like an exhausted face from having to deal with some work stuff) basically saying it was inappropriate that they are texting me emojis? Just to say, I have equal amount of male numbers, there is just a good mix of the sexes here, and I have to have lots of peoples' numbers for work. I don't text them outside work.
I feel that I've painted her in a bad light, she is a good partner otherwise but this is really getting to me. It's affecting me to where I behave differently around women in general. Like I am purposefully more cold toward women so I don't get hassled about it, and an attempt to be good to her feelings.
I guess what I'm asking is "can you advise me on how to deal with being told I'm inappropriate with women, despite me truly feeling and being, in my opinion, very appropriate with women"
I feel like something along the lines of "can you explain to me more about why you feel I am inappropriate with women?" Is a good start.
It's just so hard to be told, essentially, "you are a bad partner" for things that I don't feel I did.