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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

fear of hell.

hexagram said:
I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm sure god will forgive me if I ask him, as that's what the bible says.

It's not about her. It's about me. I haven't wanted to live in my own head for a while now. I know my family and friends will greive and I am truly sorry but even they will admit that the Tom they knew has gone. Replaced by addictions and depression.

As you see death.

You don't really fear it.

You fear you never mattered.

(p.s overdoses are bullshit, you just wake up from my own experience.)
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The only person that matters is yourself though? The Tom that was may be lost or gone but that does not make the Tom that is here now any less of a person. Yes the Tom may be behind that black blanket of depression or muddled somewhere with addictions but both of these barriers can be worked on.

It's not an easy battle (I know) but its certainly worth putting up a good fucking fight. If your family and friends will grieve for you why not use that true feeling to try and find Tom again? I'm sure everyone would be happier helping you.
 
I mean it in a loving way, but take a moment to appreciate the insanity of your situation.

It is your beliefs that are creating hell on earth. It is your beliefs that are creating hell in the afterlife. You believe in God and you believe in sin and judge for God. Confusion will always reign in such a situation. We all have a death wish deep in our soul. You are experiencing yours. This is a sign that the veil of the illusion is lifting. Don't quit life now.

I highly recommend the book "A Course in Miracles" for you. It deals with all the themes you are dealing with right now. Suicide is not a way out. The way out is in. In order to go in, shed yourself of beliefs that are the source of your confusion.
 
Drugs taken daily really do fuck with your head Hex. A little over 4/5 months ago my head was in the gutter, my body probably not far behind.

When you're stuck in that loop of wake up, take a drug, go to sleep ad infinitum then it does seem like you've built your own personal hell and the walls are that high there is no way out. Put the drugs down, whether it be through shear will power or help through services and those walls fall away and "you" come back.

Trust me. You would look back in as little as a few weeks time at the thought of offing yourself as crazy. It may take some effort and a bit of pain, is that temporary effort and pain not worth enduring to save your loved ones a lifetime off it..
 
and that's what makes it worse. I have had every oppurtuinity.

meant to quote otw there.
 
@ One Thousand Words

Have you any compassion at all? Yes, we can all make jokes about 'first world problems' (i swear ill kill someone if this disc / car / relationship doesnt start working etc) but this young man is dealing with a huge transition in his life, and is obviously in so much mental pain. Not all of us can make consistently rational descisions when it comes to drug use, especially when your mental health is already compromised.

Whats frustrating OTW is that your obviously an extremely successful, motivated and intelligent man who manages (or has managed at some point) to use drugs without them taking over your life. Considering the OP and other troubled posters are often in their early 20's or even younger means you could be such a positive role model in this field, yet you continuously undersell yourself by making such unhelpful posts such as the utter rubbish youve thrown at this extremely vulnerable young man.
 
Hex, I gave you my number! Stop talking shit! call me!!!!!! I will call back, don't use up your minutes. At the very least send me your number, I'll call you!

Every one fucks up, have we not met yet? I've fucked up on grand scales! I continue to do so.

Please darlin', do call. I'm not available after 4pm until prolly after 12am tonight but if you could get in contact before then that would be grand <3

Don't be daft m'luv. please.
 
hexagram said:
As I said, I have repedeatley fucked up every oppurtuinity i've had. And I will continue to do so.
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Your not a new user of the forum, you have seen a lot of people feel exactly the same way. I understand that you feel that you have fucked up all the opportunities you may have had but maybe that was for a reason? Sometimes were only able to accept help when we truly want it which is way different than the times we need it.

Tomorrow is another day Hex - as shit as it may sound or look to you at the moment it's another chance for you to get yourself help or just make yourself a plan of action. Make yourself a series of small (achievable) goals and start again.

Bear
 
I think that's equally as stupid.. It's all relative. Are my problems or Hexs greater than someone who lIves on a rubbish dump with no clean water. Obviously not. Its not what we're talking about though. Depression manifests itself in anyone regardless of social or economic standing.

It's a human emotion/trait and telling someone to suck it up because a kid in Africa hasn't clean water is nonsense..
 
ScotchMist said:
I think that's equally as stupid.. It's all relative. Are my problems or Hexs greater than someone who lIves on a rubbish dump with no clean water. Obviously not. Its not what we're talking about though. Depression manifests itself in anyone regardless of social or economic standing.

It's a human emotion/trait and telling someone to suck it up because a kid in Africa hasn't clean water is nonsense..
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Theres a great function on the site - its called quote :D
 
hexagram said:
Going to head down to my local railtracks. I love you all <3
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Seriously Hex - out of all the options available to you, is killing yourself the only viable option?

We spoke a while back when you were having grief with your partner - why has this escalated this far?

Bear
 
Hex, Don't bring the parent out in me because I will take you down! CALL ME!NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear to fuck, get in touch now!

I'm not even joking. This has gone far enough. Call me! NOW!
 
steewith2ees said:
@ One Thousand Words

Have you any compassion at all? Yes, we can all make jokes about 'first world problems' (i swear ill kill someone if this disc / car / relationship doesnt start working etc) but this young man is dealing with a huge transition in his life, and is obviously in so much mental pain. Not all of us can make consistently rational descisions when it comes to drug use, especially when your mental health is already compromised.

Whats frustrating OTW is that your obviously an extremely successful, motivated and intelligent man who manages (or has managed at some point) to use drugs without them taking over your life. Considering the OP and other troubled posters are often in their early 20's or even younger means you could be such a positive role model in this field, yet you continuously undersell yourself by making such unhelpful posts such as the utter rubbish youve thrown at this extremely vulnerable young man.
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Quoted for brilliance <3
 
ScotchMist said:
I'm trying to argue my point on the internet and install a yeast skid into a Hovis factory simultaneously here Bear, I misSused a quote, sue me:p;)

Call him Sadie
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Sorry I hope your installation of your yeast skid went uninterrupted ? Hi Sue nice to meat you .
 
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