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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Father of a heroin girl

Hi Corey,

This is in reference to the center I posted earlier - there seems to be a waiting list until January. -_- And this thread has really inspired me to try to sort out my relationship with my parents and give Ibogaine a try - I've been looking at Toronto Ibogaine Center - anyone know anything about it?

Also, this site might be helpful, but I have no idea of how accurate it is, so I would definitely research the centers and sites selling Ibogaine.

Hope this is of some help to Corey and everyone else. <3
 
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Thank you everyone for taking the time to write me. She told me she would move in and detox again and go to oxford house. However, she is not answering my texts or phone calls. I am worried since she is stripping now and i don't know what kind of trouble that could bring her. In fact, i am really scared.
She is not new to trying to quit. She has detox 7 times now. She would go on binges and want to quit. The longest she went without heroin was 2 months. What a transformation that was.

I will give her until monday before i try back and see if she wants to talk. That will give her a full week like she wanted. I feel like she is avoiding me now, and i have a deep feeling i wont hear from her in a long time. =(

I should have never kicked her out. She told me she would have to go strip and i thought she was just trying to get to me. So, its my fault she is stripping. I feel like she has tried so many times before, and now is giving up!
When her mom told me she was stripping. She called her mom and told her she was dead to her. Wow, i cant believe that. I just don't know what to do anymore. If she doesn't return my calls, all i can do is assume she don't want help. I really miss her. We were really close and i just cant believe she is slipping out of my life. She is all i have. I don't have any Friends, wife, etc.. I built my life around her. =(

Sorry to ramble
Take care
::corey
 
I wouldn't worry too much about the missed calls - it's fairly normal addict behavior - I never answered anything that could be serious/a buzz kill. :/

About what she told her mom....I can tell you from experience that I have told my parents some truly awful things that I didn't mean - again this is totally an addict thing. It's hard when you feel like you're being judged/pressured and still have to go cop so you don't get sick. :/

And there is definitely a chance for you two to rebuild your relationship - it will just take time, she'll be stressed, her brain chemistry will be fucked, and she won't really be herself for a while, but if you can hold out through this, then you two should be fine in a couple months or so. :)

Have you mentioned BL to her? It might help her talk to people in similar situations.

Whatever you two choose to do, I wish you the best. <3
 
Unfortunately, your daughter will not quit until she has hit her bottom. That may be soon, or it may be in 10 years. Kicking her out was a good idea cause it might speed up the process of her hitting her bottom. All you can do now is be there for her emotionally while at the same time try to not get too involved and get hurt. Try to make it hard for her to continue to be an addict.
 
Sorry if I'm derailing this thread, but if Cory or anyone's considering Ibogaine, shoot me a PM - my parents have been researching it constantly, and we've been speaking to Dr. Mash - the scientist who tried to legalize Ibogaine in the US and conducted the trials. So, anybody feel free to contact me at any time. <3
 
Corey,

I understand that this has been hard for you and it's terribly upsetting and frustrating.

But what you need to understand is that the family of addicts ALSO need to "get sober". And what I mean by that you need to get sober from YOUR drug of choice...your daughter. You've said it yourself that you've become completely consumed by your daughters addiction, she is your life and everything in it, and that you can't live your life knowing she's stripping and using. But what you need to do is get the help you need, which is something that everybody on here and myself included has suggested to you. You need to "get well" whether she wants to get well or not. You have become co-dependent on your daughter and her addiction, and that in and of itself is NOT healthy.

You need to start emotionally detaching yourself from your daughter's addiction because if she doesn't choose to get well, YOU will also stay sick.

Again, I REALLY REALLY REALLY recommend you go to Al-Anon meetings and maybe better yet, some type of psychologist to help you get through this very tough time.
 
Im so sick to my stomach. I just don't think she is going to be able to do it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm ready to pack my shit and disappear. She don't need me, she needs heroin. Shes the type of girl that don't have a bottom.
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Corey,
I'm a parent. I was an addict but I have been clean for almost 4 years. I know what you are going thorough but trust me, its just gonna wear you down if you dont let it go. I'm not trying to sound harsh but I'm thinking of how this is making you suffer and NOT helping your daughter. I'm sending you a link in a PM- it will help loads.
 
There are drugs such as suboxone, methadone that really help with the withdraw sickness which is the worst. She has to truly want to quit in order for her to do so. Stay by her side, don't kick her out. I understand that it pains you to see her using, but think of her before yourself. What do you think is better; for you to have to deal with her using or, her being out on the street using anyway. It is a must that you provide her board. Be easy on her too because shes already going through enough with her terrible addiction. What does she like to do, what are some of her hobbies? Spend time with her, try doing things together without mention on what she has to do to clean-up her act, she knows already. Try to lift her spirits, be positive. I wish the best for her and you.
 
I remeber your posts from a few months ago.

Sad to hear things aren't much better to say the least. However, it is part of the journey for some people. The relapsing I'm referring to.


Personally, I would recommend against substituting heroin with another drug
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I agree with this in general. However, if it can stabilize her and help start her on a more productive path then go for it for a period of time (say 6 months.....the longer she waits the harder to get off the suboxone).

However, if one simply switches to a prescription they have legalized their use but are still attached to the old ball and chain. Just obtained at a pharmacy. Safer for sure. Also her brain chemistry will not return to normal if she stays on sub or 'done. It took me 6 months before I could sleep half way normally and 1 year before it got as good as it got when I got clean. Stayed that way for 12 years but didn't it sneek up on me again. Never totally safe from it. And the second time it was instant psychological addiction soon followed by physical dependency much faster than round 1.

Don't know but don't give up on her. The fact that she is a least realizing others think she needs rehab is a start. Heading the right way. Once SHE wants it then things will change. Support her until she can reach that place.

Having a daughter of my own that is what I think I would do under those circumstances.
 
icelated said:
Growing up i knew someone that was a heavy pot smoker in high school. one nite he ate alot of mushrooms, and had a very bad trip. Something about combining it with cool aid intensify the high or so it seemed. Anyways, he never smoked pot again, and never had a craving for it ever again. Reminds me of ibogaine

Corey
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My friend had a similar run-in with acid. Had a bad trip, where he realized all his problems and flaws, and how he was screwing up his life with drugs. He wasn't the same person for months after and even now is a bit different.

Best of luck to you and your daughter, the fact that you have toughed it out this long is incredible. I don't have any real advice as the closest I have ever been to this situation is my dad detaching himself from his drug addicted sister who ended up living in Vancouver's infamous "Downtown Eastside."

Again, best of luck, and I hope things work out for you.
 
icelated said:
I built my life around her. =(
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And she's human, like everyone else, and humans make poor decisions sometimes. Humans are fallible and when they let us down, when they slide into addiction and take up stripping, there really isn't anything we can do to change that, even if it's your own daughter.

All you can control is how you react and as others have suggested, her sickness is making you sick. The distress you're going through is coming through in every line of your posts... there is probably little that you can do for your daughter, but if you do ever get her back, it'd be nice if you were still around to see that day.

It'd also be a good idea if you stopped blaming yourself (if you are) for this or that. None of that is helpful for you. What would be helpful in the here-and-now is learning to detach emotionally (as much as is possible) so that you can survive this period with your will to live and your hope intact.

As others here have also suggested, the thing about addiction is that only the addict can decide when their addiction ends, and you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that your daughter may not reach that point for weeks, months or even years. If it drags out that long, you cannot survive keeping yourself in a state of stress like this, for all that time.

Best wishes to you Corey and your daughter. Please keep us updated.
 
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Stop thinking it's your fault she's doing this and that. People make their own decisions, so don't blame yourself - it's not your fault. I would be a little wary about Ibogaine treatment, as it's only good if you actually want to quit, as once you get the treatment, it's very easy to just go shooting up again after you get the treatment.

One thing many people have said is you HAVE to stick with whatever you're going to do. Personally, if I were in your situation, I'd take away her car and phone. If she doesn't go to detox, I'd kick her out. Right now you're letting use you. YOU should be picking the date she goes to detox, not herself. Obviously it's good to give her time to think it over, but if you let her choose the date she enters detox, she may just keep saying "a couple more days". Stop calling her and stop texting her. Let her know that if she ever wants to talk, that you're there and you encourage her to talk to her, but don't nag her at all. Most of all, stick with your decision, whatever you do.
 
Hey man,

I don't have much time to say anything because I have to go, but you sound like you are doing the right thing and I am sorry that you are going through all this. That's fucked up. Keep your head up and don't give up on her and many people turn around after this.
 
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